CHRISTMAS EVE
Taylor hadn't spoken to Winn since breakfast Saturday morning. It was now Tuesday and he felt guilty about it. She had texted him a couple of times on Monday--a good morning text that morning and another one on her lunch break that he hadn't gotten until after he left his mom's house that afternoon. "I know you're either avoiding or ignoring me, or both. I want to say that I understand, to an extent. I'm feeling awkward, too. If it helps any, I've decided not to come to the Christmas Eve party. I don't want to make your holiday weird. Anyway, I miss us and maybe we'll have learned our lesson from Friday and in time we can move past it. You don't have to respond to this, just wanted to get that out. Have a good day."
It was a long text, but it tore his heart out. In a way, he was relieved that she'd chosen not to come to the party. At the same time, though, he felt horrible about it because he knew she'd be sitting at home alone. She could say that she was fine with that arrangement all she wanted--he knew that's what she would say if he challenged her--but he knew better than that. However, at this point, he just didn't know what to do about any of it.
So that Tuesday, he thought about what his mother had told him and he knew she was right. He knew that family came first and he really did miss his brother. So, in a last ditch effort to salvage what little bit they had left of their relationship, he'd called Isaac to ask if he wanted to come over and jam for a little bit. He'd told him he had something he was working on that he needed his input on, which wasn't exactly a lie. And, to his surprise, Isaac had agreed to it.
Now they sat in Taylor's music room on that perpetually overcast Tuesday afternoon, guitars on their knees, plucking and strumming and choosing to completely focus on the music. Taylor would have been content with it, had the white elephant in the room not nagged him to no end. "So, um, Winn texted me yesterday and told me she's not coming tomorrow night."
"I know," Isaac replied.
Taylor nodded in response.
They focused on the music for a few minutes more. The mere mention of Winn's name had increased the tension in the room to an entirely new level. "Did you, uh, did you know she went to Zac's for dinner last night?" Taylor asked him.
"Yup." Another one-word answer.
"Did you know Mom and Dad were there?"
Now Taylor had Isaac's attention. "Why were THEY there?"
"No idea," Taylor said. "Zac didn't tell me much. Just that Winn was coming to dinner and so were Mom and Dad. I haven't heard from him since it all went down, so..."
"And nobody invited us?"
Taylor's eyes darted into Isaac's as a rather ugly chord came out of his guitar. "Would you invite us, Ike?"
Isaac let out a breath and plucked out a note or two on his acoustic. "Yeah, you're probably right."
Taylor looked at Isaac and he hesitated. "Uh, I, uh, I know she likes you..."
Isaac smirked. "What was your first clue?"
Taylor swallowed hard. "And, um, I know that you and I haven't...well, exactly seen eye to eye on the subject..."
"If it makes you feel any better, I'm not entirely sure that Winn and I are even seeing eye to eye on the subject."
Taylor furrowed his brow in confusion. "Well, uh, I thought--"
"I invited her to come to the party with me. WITH me. Together. And she shot the idea down. At the time she was thinking about coming and now she's not coming at all. If that doesn't raise a red flag or two, I don't know what does."
Taylor had to admit, this news made his heart flutter with hope a little bit. And then he felt bad for it. This was supposed to be about his brother. He had to keep convincing himself that family came first, difficult as the task was proving to be.
"She knows," Isaac continued. "She can tell. She knows that you and I, that we...disagree..."
"I know," Taylor said quietly. "I think we're scaring her off."
Suddenly, Isaac's eyes hardened. "If she scares that easily, it's not my fault."
This raised Taylor's hackles just a little. "Ike, do you love her?"
"I--um--it's--it's not--it hasn't gone that far yet. We're not even really in a relationship, you know--?"
"So then you're just filling her head with empty promises--"
"I'M NOT FILLING HER HEAD WITH ANYTHING! Whatever arrangement she and I have together is between us. And right now, she enjoys being with me and I'm going to spend that time, however long it lasts, making her happy. I know what you think of me, I know what the rest of the family thinks of me--I know what all of goddamn Tulsa thinks of me. But SHE knows better. And that's all I really care about."
Taylor was taken aback by the random outburst. It was extremely defensive. "Do you--do you not expect it to last?"
Isaac sighed. "I don't know what I expect."
Taylor was silent for a minute as he stared at Isaac's guitar in thought. "Ike, I--I just want you to know that I--I've never judged you."
"Please," he spat. "You're the biggest judge I've got."
"No, I'm not--"
"Yes, you are. Ever since Winn came along, you've expected the worst. Blamed me for everything, assumed that every time she has a problem it's because I've wronged her in some way? And I'm not going to sit here and play innocent, I know I've done some fucked up shit. But do you know how many times I've actually had to spend nights consoling her because of YOU? I mean, do you really know?"
Taylor blinked at him, stunned. He'd had an idea, he guessed, but hearing it out loud hit him in a way... "I never wanted to hurt her..."
"Well, you did."
"I just wanted to be her friend..."
"And I want to be more. I care about her. But I know deep down she'll always doubt me and it fucks with my mind how she always seems to run back to you."
"You think it's not fucking with me, too? You think it doesn't fuck with me that she apparently confides EVERYTHING in you when she should be confiding it in me?"
"She SHOULD be confiding in me, Tay! I'm the one who's actually showing her that I want her!" Then Isaac stopped and he sighed. "Look, I'm--I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that..."
"Well...I mean, you're right," Taylor said quietly. "Ultimately, you're right. I just--I blew it. I know I did. I had several opportunities and--and I didn't take them and--and she likes you and I just want her to be happy. And--and I want you to be happy, too. You deserve it."
"Are you--are you giving me your blessing here?"
"I don't know what I'm doing," Taylor murmured.
"Tay--" Isaac stopped himself and put the guitar he was holding on the stand nearby. "Tay, I know how you feel about her. And the truth is, I had no idea when I met her that that's how it was. By the time I found out, I was already invested and--and I'm sorry that--well, no, I'm not sorry, I--if things had gone the other way, I'd be happy for you. I just want you to know that. And I know it must be hard for you to be accepting of it, feeling the way you feel and, well, me being who I am and all, but--but I do respect you. I might not always show it, but I do. And, Tay, if--do you--do you want me to back off? I mean, I wasn't willing before, but you're my brother and--"
"No," Taylor said, cutting him off. "No. If you two are happy together, then I want you to be happy together." Then he looked up into Isaac's eyes. "But she's still my best friend. That's not gonna change."
Isaac nodded. "Okay."
"So...are we calling a truce? At least for Christmas? Peace on Earth, good will toward men, joy to the world, and all that mess?"
Isaac smirked and nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, I think I can handle that."
Too bad Taylor still wasn't confident that he could.
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Winn's nerves nearly killed her. She dressed herself casually, in skinny jeans, brown slouched boots, and a slightly oversized, green, knit sweater with a cute white reindeer pattern across it. The name of the game was to get in, have a few laughs, have a cookie or two with the kids, and then get out before anyone could try to catch her alone. She hadn't planned to be there for more than an hour or so--two, tops.
As she pulled up to the house, it was dusk on the cold, overcast day. Did the sun even come out in December in Tulsa? She could barely make out the multiple cars in the drive, but she instantly noticed Isaac's oversized Escalade and the fact that Taylor's truck was absent. Her heart pounded. Even though she was put slightly at ease at Zac's house Monday night, it still didn't help the situation she was walking into.
With an abundance of cookies that she had a hard time transporting to the door, that she'd spent the last day and a half baking, she rang the bell and she waited, her palms forming so much sweat, she thought she'd lose the cargo she carried. The door opened and Isaac smiled at her and she was caught off guard to see him answer the door. His smile was warm and it was genuine and it was infectious and she smiled back at him. "Hey," he said. "This is a surprise."
"Uh, I'm surprised that you answered the door."
"Well, I was the closest one to it, so..." Then he snapped back to reality. "Here, let me help you with that."
Grateful, she allowed him to take the majority of the load off of her hands and it slightly reminded her of the way they first met and she smiled. She felt as charmed as she had felt that first day and she couldn't help but notice that he looked absolutely handsome tonight. He wore a suit, black on black, with a red satin necktie. It amused her that, even in the presence of his family, the most casual atmosphere a person could find themselves in, he still continued to dress formally.
As she made her way through the living room and toward the kitchen, trailing behind Isaac, she stopped for a minute to return the greetings she was met with. She felt the warmth of the atmosphere quickly taking over her and she felt silly for being so apprehensive about coming in the first place. Everyone was so nice and inviting, just like they were at Thanksgiving. She supposed she figured everyone would look at her and judge her for the drama she had going on behind the scenes with Isaac and Taylor and she had to keep reminding herself that nobody else knew any of the details except for the three of them. And maybe Zac. So the rest of the family didn't really have any reason to judge her if they really didn't know what was going on. Right?
She chose to go with that.
Diana smiled as Winn entered the kitchen and sat the tray she carried on the first empty place she could find. "I am so glad you decided to come," Diana said, hugging her. "You didn't have to bring anything!"
Winn blushed as she smiled. "Well, I don't get to really do things like this for other people very often, so...there's a variety of flavors in there, I kinda went crazy..."
"I bet they're all delicious," Diana smiled. Then she glanced at Isaac, a flash of confusion crossing her face and she took in a breath and smiled again. "Ike, why don't you get her something to drink and go--go do the party thing. I can't believe Junia isn't all over you by now..."
As if on cue, they heard a squeal from the living room. Winn didn't know where she had come from since she hadn't seen any of the kids coming in, but when "Uncle Tay" screeched out of Junia's mouth, Winn's heart rate increased so suddenly that it startled her. Her tongue turned to sandpaper and her throat felt like it was closing up to the point where it was hard to swallow and she found herself having to put down the drink that Isaac had just placed in her hand.
Isaac. She glanced over at him and he turned up his drink. He didn't notice her looking at him, but she could tell he was already growing uncomfortable. It was almost tempting to pull him outside the back door and demand that he tell her exactly what the hell was going on between him and Taylor so that she could fix it. But she knew it wouldn't be that simple.
Winn didn't know what to do. Did she go into the living room and greet him? Did she stay in the kitchen and pretend like she didn't just hear the earth-shattering squeal that the entire neighborhood probably just heard? She hadn't heard from Taylor in four days--and she knew why. And she wasn't sure she could actually face him. Suddenly, she regretted not coming to the party with Isaac. She regretted ignoring him when he thought she was asleep Sunday morning and she--well, maybe she thought being an item with Isaac might make things a little bit easier on her in this moment. But she knew the truth was that it wouldn't. Nothing would make this moment any easier because regardless of whether she'd accepted Isaac's words Sunday morning, the previous Friday night had still happened.
No. Nothing would have made a difference right now.
Finally, Isaac's voice said quietly, "He's not going to bite you."
He must have sensed her own tension and she glanced at him uncomfortably. "I haven't heard from him since...Friday..."
"Seriously?" He replied, the confusion in his voice.
"Yeah..."
"I didn't know that."
Winn's eyes darted around. She didn't know what to say. She couldn't find it in her to tell him what had really happened on Friday, just like she couldn't tell him about the weekend in Oklahoma City. No wonder she couldn't bring herself to commit to Isaac. She was a dirty, filthy liar. The realization sunk her self-esteem to a brand new low. "Well...like you said...he gets mouthy when he drinks..."
Isaac let out a breath. "Why didn't you say anything?"
"Nothing really to tell," she murmured. Then she finally looked at him. "Please don't say anything."
He looked back at her, searching her eyes for a moment. Then he nodded. "Okay. Sure, yeah. Not a word."
"Thank you."
And then, to her surprise, Isaac winked at her and nodded his head toward the living room. "Go say hi to your friend. It's Christmas. I'll be right here, I'm not going anywhere."
She felt both grateful and guilty that Isaac was actually seeming supportive of her friendship with Taylor. Glancing around the kitchen, she caught Diana's watchful eye and then she was surprised when she turned a corner of her mouth up at her. Mustering up as much courage as she could, she stepped through the kitchen doorway and into the living room.
Winn's breath caught in her throat when she laid eyes on Taylor. In spite of herself, he looked absolutely gorgeous. Not really much different than he normally did, but there was something about him tonight that was unlike the norm. He was dressed simply, in jeans and a white sweater, and she could see his blue eyes sparkling from across the room as he smiled at his niece as he held her in his arms.
Winn was frozen in place and couldn't speak and Taylor only noticed her when he let Junia down and stood back up. His eyes widened for a moment in shock, and then a warm smile crossed his face that melted what was left of Winn's heart. "Hey," he said, crossing the room. "I thought that was your car out there, but it's dark so I couldn't be sure. I can't believe you came."
At Taylor's words, Junia finally noticed Winn and she darted through the living room like a little football player, nearly tripping Taylor in the process. "Aunt Winnie!" She squealed, much like she squealed for Taylor. Then she stopped in her tracks when she reached Winn and she raised her hand to her mouth and said in a loud whisper, "I mean, Aunt Winnie!"
Winn giggled and was grateful for the distraction as she bent down and hugged Junia. Completely oblivious to her surroundings, Junia grabbed Winn by the hand and led her back into the kitchen. "Come on, I brought your cookie!"
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Taylor was lucky he was still standing. The moment he laid eyes on Winn, his knees weakened underneath him and it was all he could do to hold himself up. He knew that was her car outside, but he'd spent the entire trip from his truck to the front door convincing himself that it wasn't, trying not to get his hopes up.
God, she was beautiful. He didn't know it was possible for a woman to grow so much more beautiful than the last time he saw her four days ago, but he now understood what she meant when she told him that he was a sight for sore eyes. He only wished that the sentiment meant the same for her that it did for him.
He had to admit that it bothered him slightly the way she hadn't said a word to him and allowed herself to be whisked away by a five-year-old kid. He guessed he deserved it. He hadn't exactly been on the radar the past few days and he'd voluntarily chosen not to respond to her texts. He should be lucky she was under the same roof as him at all.
Knowing her car was out there meant that, in changing her mind to attend the party, she hadn't changed her mind about coming with Isaac. He secretly had to take a little solace in that. That meant that Isaac was now just as friend-zoned as Taylor was. A small smirk crossed his face at the thought as he made his way into the kitchen.
Isaac was the first person he saw upon entering the kitchen. Taking a deep breath, he plastered a smile on his face and approached him. "Hey," he said. "Merry Christmas."
"Merry Christmas," Isaac returned, his smile tight-lipped. He raised his glass. "Drink?"
"Yeah," Taylor said, letting out a breath. "Yeah, I kinda need one, I think."
"Join the club," Isaac muttered.
Momentarily, the two men immersed themselves in mixed drinks and Taylor was starting to feel a little better about things, when he heard Shepherd's voice from across the room. "I made that myself. I let Abe color on it a little bit so he could help, but not too much so he didn't mess it up."
"Well, it's beautiful," he heard Winn say. "It's the most beautiful card anyone's ever given me."
Isaac and Taylor glanced at each other and they both turned around to witness the scene. Both men couldn't help their smiles. Winn was crouched down with Zac's three kids by the refrigerator, a beaming Kate nearby. Shepherd had obviously made a Christmas card for Winn, which Taylor felt was an accomplishment for the boy. "It's not as cool as the Legos you brought me," Shepherd said. "But I did the best I could."
"Are you kidding?" Winn said. "This is WAY cooler than those Legos. I didn't make those Legos. But you and Abe made this card yourselves and anything you make yourself is way cooler than anything you could buy in a store."
"Yeah...that's what my dad says," Shepherd said shyly.
"Well, your dad's a wise man."
"Here, Aunt Winnie," Junie said excitedly. "Look what I made you."
Winn smiled at the little girl. "Is this that famous cookie you were telling me about?"
Finally, Taylor couldn't keep it in. "Hey," he said dramatically. "What cookie? Are you giving away my cookie-love?"
"Shh!" Junia said, waving Taylor off. "Hush, Uncle Tay! I'm busy!"
Taylor blinked in surprise and Isaac nearly choked on his drink for laughing next to him. Taylor elbowed him and Isaac laughed harder. Taylor smiled and continued to watch the adorable exchange across the room.
"Yeah," Shepherd said, rolling his eyes. "It took her, like, HOURS to do it--" Then he glanced up at his mother and his eyes fell and he shut his mouth.
Taylor couldn't see the cookie on the small Styrofoam saucer it sat on, but Winn's face said it all. She was touched and she smiled at Junia, the light catching a glint in the tears that filled her eyes. He hadn't realized it until now, but it was apparent that Winn and Junia were forming themselves a bit of a bond. He didn't know how to feel about that. He wasn't sure if it was a good thing or not. But for the moment, it was beautiful.
"I even made the hair orange, just like yours," Junia said.
"Do I have to eat it?" Winn smiled, trying to fight off her tears.
"They taste REALLY good," Junia replied. "I know cause Mommy let me have one while we were baking them."
Winn chuckled. "But this one looks too pretty to eat. I don't want to mess it up, I'd like to keep it."
"You should put it in the freezer," Junia instructed with a serious tone. "Then you can keep it forever."
Winn smiled at her. "Then that's exactly what I'll do." Then she hugged each of the kids and she smiled at them. "Thank you guys so much. This has been the best Christmas ever."
"But Santa hasn't even came yet!" Junia squeaked.
"These presents are better than anything Santa could bring me."
The kids beamed with pride and then were quickly over the moment. Taylor was surprised their attention spans had lasted as long as they had. As Junia's little feet pitter-pattered across the kitchen and started to pass Taylor, he said to her, "Hey. Where's MY cookie?"
"Up there with the rest of them," she said, motioning toward the mounds of food that filled the table in the kitchen. "It has a T on it, you'll know it's yours."
She started to walk away and he said, "Well--where are you going?"
"To find my Barbie that Aunt Winnie brought me for Christmas. I need to show her to Aunt Jessie. I promised her she could hold her as long as she's real careful."
Taylor was shocked but he couldn't stop smiling. "Well. Okay, then. Have fun."
She rolled her little eyes and shook her head. "It's a party, of COURSE I'll have fun!" And with that, she was gone.
When the kitchen was empty of children, Isaac snickered beside Taylor. "Looks like you've been replaced."
Taylor cut a scowl over at him.
"Sorry," Winn suddenly said as she stood up across the kitchen. She shoved her hands in her pockets and bit her lip. "That was a complete surprise..."
"Please, it's not even an issue," Isaac said. "He's only joking with you." Then he glanced between the two of them and, to Taylor's surprise, he said, "Uh, excuse me for a second. I just realized I needed to run something by Zac." And then he left the room.
In a house packed full of people, it was a rare occasion when you found yourself alone with anyone. So when Taylor found himself alone in the kitchen with Winn, he really wasn't sure what to do with that time. They looked at each other awkwardly for a moment before he crossed the room toward her. "Bring it in," he said, smiling, as he took her in his arms and hugged her. "Merry Christmas. You haven't said two words to me since I came in."
"You haven't said two words to me since Saturday," she murmured into his shoulder.
"I know," he said, pulling away and shoving his hands in his pockets. "I'm sorry. I've, uh, I've had a lot going on. Up here," he said, pointing to his head.
"Yeah. I figured as much."
"I got your text Monday. I, uh, didn't want you to think I didn't read it."
"I meant what I said." Then she laughed and rolled her eyes. "Well, I guess I was wrong about the party part."
"I'm glad you came. Seriously. I'm really glad to see you. You're, uh," he smiled and glanced at the floor shyly. "You're a sight for sore eyes."
He looked up at her and she was smiling. God, he loved her smile. "I'm sorry I got the good cookie this year."
"You'll probably get the good cookie every single year from now on," he said with a chuckle. "I usually eat mine. You keeping yours probably just made her whole holiday."
"And to think, I thought I sealed the deal with an eBay Barbie doll," she said.
They both laughed. "I see your ulterior motives here," he teased. "Stealing my girl right out from under me. I get it."
"Please," she scoffed. "You're still her favorite person on the planet."
"You're giving me a run for my money."
"I'll dye your hair red if you think it'll help."
"I'll shave it first."
"I'll drop you like a bad habit."
"Oh, is THAT how it is? And the truth finally comes out..."
Before he knew it, the two of them were laughing so loudly that neither of them noticed the five-year-old girl peeking around the kitchen doorway with the smile on her face.
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Winn was in the third hour of the party before she realized what time it was, and then she shrugged it off. She wasn't worried about darting out of there anymore. She was having too much fun. She felt like she'd known everyone for years. After the gift exchange from Zac's kids, she had talked business with Walker, discussed cookies with Diana, and had an in-depth hair conversation with Avery and Jessica. Before it was over with, she found herself sitting in the floor while Junia snoozed in her lap, cuddling her Barbie doll. Shepherd played quietly nearby her with a toy his grandparents had given him and Abe had been in another room, knocked out for the past hour.
As the family had been perched in various places around the room, talking during a calm point in the party, Zac had come over and retrieved his sleeping daughter from Winn's lap. She hadn't noticed how warm Junia had been until she realized she'd been sweating under her clothes from the body heat. As Zac carried her down the hall, Winn stood up to air out her shirt. "Wow," Winn smiled, embarrassed as several family members chuckled. "It's been a short while since a kid's fallen asleep on me for that long."
"You have nieces and nephews?" Avery asked.
"I have nephews," she replied. "Close to Junie's age."
"You must be their favorite aunt," she commented.
Winn smiled. "Yeah. I like to think so."
"I bet they miss you."
Winn felt herself growing quiet. She swallowed hard and she nodded. "Uh, yeah. Yeah, I hope so."
Taylor tried to be inconspicuous and quiet Avery but Winn noticed anyway. So she plastered a smile on her face and she looked around. "If it's okay, I'm going to grab something to drink. Anyone want anything while I'm up?"
She was met with murmurs of no's and she continued to smile as she headed into the empty kitchen. Once there, she looked around and then she pulled out her cell phone and pulled up her brother's number.
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Winn had been gone an abnormal amount of time. By the look on Taylor's face, Isaac knew that they were both thinking the same thing. And since Isaac was the one closest to the kitchen, he took it upon himself to check on her.
When he walked in, he found her huddled in a corner with her back turned. She had her phone on her ear and he could barely hear what she was saying as the sound was muffled into the wall. "Are you guys excited for Santa tonight?...What did you ask for this year?...Oh...well, I don't know if he's gonna be able to fit THAT down the chimney...I know, I wish I was, too. I miss you guys." He heard her sniff and his heart broke. She was talking to her nephews. He could kill his sister for even bringing the subject up, though she had no real way of knowing. "No, it's okay," Winn said again into her phone. "They're happy tears. Happy Christmas tears. Sometimes when something really good happens, you cry happy tears. It's okay."
Isaac knew she was lying, but the sentiment was sweet anyway. After another minute, she wrapped up the call and she turned around and gasped, wiping her eyes. "I didn't know anyone was standing there."
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah," she nodded, careful to wipe her eyes. "Yeah, everything's good. They're, uh, they're about to go to bed so I caught them right on time. I made sure I mailed their gifts last week, so they'll have them tomorrow..."
She was rambling, trying to make herself feel better. "You need a drink?" He offered.
She smiled and shook her head. "No. No, thanks, I gotta drive home soon."
"I'll take you home," he said, stepping toward her. "Or--or you can come home with me. We could spend Christmas together. Neither one of us would be alone."
Her eyes darted around the room for a second. He could see the nervousness in her eyes. "I--um--I think--I think I just need to be alone tonight. I just--I need to go home and regroup--"
"Winn, it's Christmas. You can't do that to yourself."
"I'm not doing anything to myself. I have no problem with--"
"Here," he said, pulling a small, wrapped box out of his pocket, a desperate attempt to seal a deal that he knew was quickly slipping through his fingers. "I brought you something. I've been waiting for the right time to give it to you."
Her eyes widened at the small box with the red paper and she shook her head. "Ike, I don't--"
He smiled and shook his head. "It's not what you think. Will you just open it?"
Hesitantly, she took the box from his hand and she slowly unwrapped it, her hands shaking. He remembered his words to Taylor from the day before. 'If she scares easily, it's not my fault.' Now he was beginning to wonder if this was a good idea. But it was too late. She was already taking the top off of the small, black box.
Her eyes widened again and the blood drained from her face. "Ike," she whispered, barely able to get it out. "Is this--? Is this what--?"
He closed his hands over both of hers and the box and he looked into her eyes. "If you find yourself feeling lonely tonight--no matter what time it is--you feel free to use this. It belongs to you."
Her jaw dropped and she shoved her hands toward him. "I can't do it. Ike, I'm sorry. I--I appreciate it and--and it's--it's amazing that you trust me like that but--but it's too fast. It's too soon, it's too fast, I just can't. I can't, not right now, I'm so sorry."
She shook like a leaf and her voice cracked. In the entire time he knew her, he hadn't seen fear like that in her. She was terrified. He'd have been heartbroken in that moment, had he not been more concerned for her well-being. He should have known that it was too soon to offer her his apartment key. Deep down, he knew it was too soon, but he let desperation take over anyway. It seemed lately that every time he saw her, he grew more and more anxious and he wished he knew where the feelings stemmed from.
"I'm so sorry," she kept repeating. "I'm so sorry..."
"It's okay," he said gently. "Really, it's okay. I just--you know, I wasn't sure..."
"I'm so sorry," she said, wrapping her arms around his neck and hugging him. "I'm sorry." Then she pulled away and she looked at him. "But, listen. You keep it. Okay? You keep it and hold on to it and--and maybe one of these days when--you know, when it doesn't feel like it's too soon, we can--we can revisit this and--and maybe by then I'll be a little more stable..."
"Winn," he said a little more firmly this time. "It's really okay. Really. You don't have to freak out--"
"I'm sorry," she said again. "I don't want to upset you--"
"Do I look upset?"
"I would be upset if I were you."
"Well you're not me and I'm not upset. It was a long shot, I took it. It's really not a problem. Like you said, we'll revisit it sometime in the future. It's not a big deal."
"It kinda IS a big deal..."
"You know what I mean."
"You're really not mad at me?"
"No. I am not upset at you." He shoved the box back into his pocket and kissed her forehead. "I'm not upset. Calm down. Okay?"
She nodded. "You want to do something for me for Christmas? How about that drink you suggested?"
Isaac chuckled warmly. "I can do that for you. No problem."
"Make it strong," she said.
"Absolutely."
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As the party picked back up again, and Winn sipped on whatever concoction Isaac had made up for her, the two of them conversed in the doorway between the kitchen and the living room. She was feeling a little better, the conversation was light, and she tried to convince herself that maybe Isaac also seemed a little relieved at the outcome of his attempted Christmas gift to her. It was too soon for both of them and she knew it. He had to know it, too.
Winn had just set her glass down on a table nearby in the kitchen and returned to her conversation with Isaac, when she heard a squeal ring out through the air, and not a happy one like the one at the beginning of the night had been. "Uncle Ike, NO!"
In a blur, not even aware that Junia had woken up, she came running at him at full speed and crashed into him, pushing him by his legs and he having nowhere to go but backward as he stumbled a little by her tiny impact.
The house had grown quiet at the little girl's sudden outburst and concern washed over Isaac's face as he squatted down to her level and brushed her hair out of her face. "Hey," he said to her gently. "What's gotten into you, princess?"
"You're in the way," she said.
He furrowed his brow at her as he tried to understand her. "In the way of what?"
She pointed her little finger silently upward. "If you stand right there, then Uncle Tay can't stand there, and then he can't hold Aunt Winnie's hand, and then they can't get married!"
You could have heard a pin drop.
Winn followed Isaac's eyes to the mistletoe that had hung above them and then, uncontrollably, she gasped and took a step backward. Shock couldn't even begin to describe what Winn was feeling.
Isaac looked at Junia a moment longer and then he looked around the room, standing up slowly.
"I'm gonna go find Uncle Tay," Junia said diligently. "It's okay, I'll fix it. Don't worry."
When she disappeared from the room, nobody knew what to say. It was in that moment that Winn realized that the entire family thought exactly what she feared they would. What had this entire night been? Was it lies? All of it? They'd been so nice, so welcoming...
Winn turned and looked at Isaac helplessly. She opened her mouth and then she closed it against his accusing eyes. "Ike," she barely breathed out. "I have no idea where--"
"I need some air," he spat as he left the doorway and stormed through the living room. As he opened up the front storm door, he was jerking the tie loose from around his neck. The door slammed behind him as he went out of it.
Winn froze in place as she looked around. Her breath, and her tears, seemed to catch in her throat, along with her words. She had no idea what to say. She didn't know what to do. She felt her chest closing up and her breathing started to quicken. Oh, please no. Please don't have a panic attack right now.
Taylor appeared out of nowhere. Nobody realized he'd been missing. The smile he walked in the room with disappeared when he looked around. "Whoa," he said. "What did I miss?"
"I think I'm gonna be sick," Winn said all of a sudden, bolting for the back door.
Once outside, she gasped in the cold air, desperate to force what was coming up, back down into her churning stomach. What was she supposed to do now? Surely Isaac didn't think what she thought he did. God, it was so painfully obvious that he thought exactly that. The way she rejected the apartment key. And then Junia's sudden outburst--what was she going to do now? How could she convince him otherwise? How had this night turned into such a huge mess so quickly?
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Zac watched as Taylor examined everyone in the room. "Does ANYBODY want to tell me what the hell is going on in here? Or am I supposed to just stand here and guess?"
Everyone looked around at each other and Zac sighed, obviously being silently volunteered to do the dirty work. "Junia had an outburst..."
"Well what did she do, blow up a small country or something?"
"Uh, no," Zac answered, rubbing his forehead. "No, uh, she caught Ike and Winn under the mistletoe...they didn't even know it was there..."
Taylor was growing more agitated. "Get to the point," he spat.
"You know," Zac said, a desperate laugh escaping his lips. "It's just--it's silly, really, it's not like--"
"So silly you can hear a pin drop in here," Taylor said. Then he looked around. "Where's Ike? What's wrong with Winn? WHAT is going on in here?"
"Dammit," Zac muttered under his breath. "Junia freaked out and told Ike he was standing in your place. Okay? That's what happened. She told him he was in the way."
Taylor's eyes darted around the room and he shifted his weight nervously, smiling in desperation. "What? She's--she's a kid. Did he--I mean, it's not like you can take that seriously...right?" Then he started to look around, frantically. "Where did Winn run off to?"
"Tay," Zac said, nodding toward the front. "She's fine. Ike's in the front yard."
Taylor's eyes blinked at Zac and he hesitated for a moment. "Uh. Uh, yeah. Yeah, okay."
And then he followed his younger brother quietly out the front door.
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Winn had just started calming down and feeling the actual chill of the night air when she heard the voices echoing from the front yard. She couldn't make out the words, but she recognized the angry tones. The louder they got, the worse it made her feel. By the time the yelling started, Winn knew she had to get out of there.
She was much too nervous to walk into the house, but she had no choice. Retrieving her belongings from the kitchen, she walked into the living room that was still relatively quiet, conversation being had in low voices. "Um, listen, um, thank you all so much for having me tonight," she said. "I really appreciate it, you've all been so kind. But I'm, uh, I'm not feeling very well, so I think it's time for me to go home now."
"Winn," Diana said regretfully. "You don't have to--"
"Yes, I do," she said, sucking back her tears. "I do. I need to go. Again, thank you so much for inviting me into your home and sharing your holiday. But I've overstayed my welcome, I believe, so, um. I'm sorry. Thank you. Um, Merry Christmas to you all--"
"Winn," Kate's voice rang out as she crossed the room. She approached Winn and she stopped. "It's not your fault," she said, gently.
"Then why do I feel like it is?" She whispered. "Kate, I'm so humiliated right now." And then she thought about it. "Please don't tell Junie what's going on. Don't let her think this is because of her because it isn't. Tell her I got sick--"
"Don't worry about her. I wish you would stay."
Winn shook her head. "I'm sorry. I can't. They're out there yelling at each other. All of them. I can't believe you can't hear it."
And then they did. The sound was beginning to carry. Kate's eyes darted toward the door.
"I have to go," Winn said. "I have to. I'm sorry."
And with that, Winn flew out the front door. She darted down the front steps and through the yard, attempting to get to her car before she was noticed.
"Winn!" Taylor yelled loudly across the yard. "Winn, stop! Where are you going?"
"I'm sorry," she creaked out as she opened the back door. She frantically put her stuff in the backseat and closed it.
"Winn, I'm sorry," Isaac called as they began to advance in her through the yard.
"No," she said as she opened her front door and stepped inside the car. "Stay away from me. Both of you. Please."
And then she started her car and peeled out of the driveway and down the street.
Taylor hadn't spoken to Winn since breakfast Saturday morning. It was now Tuesday and he felt guilty about it. She had texted him a couple of times on Monday--a good morning text that morning and another one on her lunch break that he hadn't gotten until after he left his mom's house that afternoon. "I know you're either avoiding or ignoring me, or both. I want to say that I understand, to an extent. I'm feeling awkward, too. If it helps any, I've decided not to come to the Christmas Eve party. I don't want to make your holiday weird. Anyway, I miss us and maybe we'll have learned our lesson from Friday and in time we can move past it. You don't have to respond to this, just wanted to get that out. Have a good day."
It was a long text, but it tore his heart out. In a way, he was relieved that she'd chosen not to come to the party. At the same time, though, he felt horrible about it because he knew she'd be sitting at home alone. She could say that she was fine with that arrangement all she wanted--he knew that's what she would say if he challenged her--but he knew better than that. However, at this point, he just didn't know what to do about any of it.
So that Tuesday, he thought about what his mother had told him and he knew she was right. He knew that family came first and he really did miss his brother. So, in a last ditch effort to salvage what little bit they had left of their relationship, he'd called Isaac to ask if he wanted to come over and jam for a little bit. He'd told him he had something he was working on that he needed his input on, which wasn't exactly a lie. And, to his surprise, Isaac had agreed to it.
Now they sat in Taylor's music room on that perpetually overcast Tuesday afternoon, guitars on their knees, plucking and strumming and choosing to completely focus on the music. Taylor would have been content with it, had the white elephant in the room not nagged him to no end. "So, um, Winn texted me yesterday and told me she's not coming tomorrow night."
"I know," Isaac replied.
Taylor nodded in response.
They focused on the music for a few minutes more. The mere mention of Winn's name had increased the tension in the room to an entirely new level. "Did you, uh, did you know she went to Zac's for dinner last night?" Taylor asked him.
"Yup." Another one-word answer.
"Did you know Mom and Dad were there?"
Now Taylor had Isaac's attention. "Why were THEY there?"
"No idea," Taylor said. "Zac didn't tell me much. Just that Winn was coming to dinner and so were Mom and Dad. I haven't heard from him since it all went down, so..."
"And nobody invited us?"
Taylor's eyes darted into Isaac's as a rather ugly chord came out of his guitar. "Would you invite us, Ike?"
Isaac let out a breath and plucked out a note or two on his acoustic. "Yeah, you're probably right."
Taylor looked at Isaac and he hesitated. "Uh, I, uh, I know she likes you..."
Isaac smirked. "What was your first clue?"
Taylor swallowed hard. "And, um, I know that you and I haven't...well, exactly seen eye to eye on the subject..."
"If it makes you feel any better, I'm not entirely sure that Winn and I are even seeing eye to eye on the subject."
Taylor furrowed his brow in confusion. "Well, uh, I thought--"
"I invited her to come to the party with me. WITH me. Together. And she shot the idea down. At the time she was thinking about coming and now she's not coming at all. If that doesn't raise a red flag or two, I don't know what does."
Taylor had to admit, this news made his heart flutter with hope a little bit. And then he felt bad for it. This was supposed to be about his brother. He had to keep convincing himself that family came first, difficult as the task was proving to be.
"She knows," Isaac continued. "She can tell. She knows that you and I, that we...disagree..."
"I know," Taylor said quietly. "I think we're scaring her off."
Suddenly, Isaac's eyes hardened. "If she scares that easily, it's not my fault."
This raised Taylor's hackles just a little. "Ike, do you love her?"
"I--um--it's--it's not--it hasn't gone that far yet. We're not even really in a relationship, you know--?"
"So then you're just filling her head with empty promises--"
"I'M NOT FILLING HER HEAD WITH ANYTHING! Whatever arrangement she and I have together is between us. And right now, she enjoys being with me and I'm going to spend that time, however long it lasts, making her happy. I know what you think of me, I know what the rest of the family thinks of me--I know what all of goddamn Tulsa thinks of me. But SHE knows better. And that's all I really care about."
Taylor was taken aback by the random outburst. It was extremely defensive. "Do you--do you not expect it to last?"
Isaac sighed. "I don't know what I expect."
Taylor was silent for a minute as he stared at Isaac's guitar in thought. "Ike, I--I just want you to know that I--I've never judged you."
"Please," he spat. "You're the biggest judge I've got."
"No, I'm not--"
"Yes, you are. Ever since Winn came along, you've expected the worst. Blamed me for everything, assumed that every time she has a problem it's because I've wronged her in some way? And I'm not going to sit here and play innocent, I know I've done some fucked up shit. But do you know how many times I've actually had to spend nights consoling her because of YOU? I mean, do you really know?"
Taylor blinked at him, stunned. He'd had an idea, he guessed, but hearing it out loud hit him in a way... "I never wanted to hurt her..."
"Well, you did."
"I just wanted to be her friend..."
"And I want to be more. I care about her. But I know deep down she'll always doubt me and it fucks with my mind how she always seems to run back to you."
"You think it's not fucking with me, too? You think it doesn't fuck with me that she apparently confides EVERYTHING in you when she should be confiding it in me?"
"She SHOULD be confiding in me, Tay! I'm the one who's actually showing her that I want her!" Then Isaac stopped and he sighed. "Look, I'm--I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that..."
"Well...I mean, you're right," Taylor said quietly. "Ultimately, you're right. I just--I blew it. I know I did. I had several opportunities and--and I didn't take them and--and she likes you and I just want her to be happy. And--and I want you to be happy, too. You deserve it."
"Are you--are you giving me your blessing here?"
"I don't know what I'm doing," Taylor murmured.
"Tay--" Isaac stopped himself and put the guitar he was holding on the stand nearby. "Tay, I know how you feel about her. And the truth is, I had no idea when I met her that that's how it was. By the time I found out, I was already invested and--and I'm sorry that--well, no, I'm not sorry, I--if things had gone the other way, I'd be happy for you. I just want you to know that. And I know it must be hard for you to be accepting of it, feeling the way you feel and, well, me being who I am and all, but--but I do respect you. I might not always show it, but I do. And, Tay, if--do you--do you want me to back off? I mean, I wasn't willing before, but you're my brother and--"
"No," Taylor said, cutting him off. "No. If you two are happy together, then I want you to be happy together." Then he looked up into Isaac's eyes. "But she's still my best friend. That's not gonna change."
Isaac nodded. "Okay."
"So...are we calling a truce? At least for Christmas? Peace on Earth, good will toward men, joy to the world, and all that mess?"
Isaac smirked and nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, I think I can handle that."
Too bad Taylor still wasn't confident that he could.
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Winn's nerves nearly killed her. She dressed herself casually, in skinny jeans, brown slouched boots, and a slightly oversized, green, knit sweater with a cute white reindeer pattern across it. The name of the game was to get in, have a few laughs, have a cookie or two with the kids, and then get out before anyone could try to catch her alone. She hadn't planned to be there for more than an hour or so--two, tops.
As she pulled up to the house, it was dusk on the cold, overcast day. Did the sun even come out in December in Tulsa? She could barely make out the multiple cars in the drive, but she instantly noticed Isaac's oversized Escalade and the fact that Taylor's truck was absent. Her heart pounded. Even though she was put slightly at ease at Zac's house Monday night, it still didn't help the situation she was walking into.
With an abundance of cookies that she had a hard time transporting to the door, that she'd spent the last day and a half baking, she rang the bell and she waited, her palms forming so much sweat, she thought she'd lose the cargo she carried. The door opened and Isaac smiled at her and she was caught off guard to see him answer the door. His smile was warm and it was genuine and it was infectious and she smiled back at him. "Hey," he said. "This is a surprise."
"Uh, I'm surprised that you answered the door."
"Well, I was the closest one to it, so..." Then he snapped back to reality. "Here, let me help you with that."
Grateful, she allowed him to take the majority of the load off of her hands and it slightly reminded her of the way they first met and she smiled. She felt as charmed as she had felt that first day and she couldn't help but notice that he looked absolutely handsome tonight. He wore a suit, black on black, with a red satin necktie. It amused her that, even in the presence of his family, the most casual atmosphere a person could find themselves in, he still continued to dress formally.
As she made her way through the living room and toward the kitchen, trailing behind Isaac, she stopped for a minute to return the greetings she was met with. She felt the warmth of the atmosphere quickly taking over her and she felt silly for being so apprehensive about coming in the first place. Everyone was so nice and inviting, just like they were at Thanksgiving. She supposed she figured everyone would look at her and judge her for the drama she had going on behind the scenes with Isaac and Taylor and she had to keep reminding herself that nobody else knew any of the details except for the three of them. And maybe Zac. So the rest of the family didn't really have any reason to judge her if they really didn't know what was going on. Right?
She chose to go with that.
Diana smiled as Winn entered the kitchen and sat the tray she carried on the first empty place she could find. "I am so glad you decided to come," Diana said, hugging her. "You didn't have to bring anything!"
Winn blushed as she smiled. "Well, I don't get to really do things like this for other people very often, so...there's a variety of flavors in there, I kinda went crazy..."
"I bet they're all delicious," Diana smiled. Then she glanced at Isaac, a flash of confusion crossing her face and she took in a breath and smiled again. "Ike, why don't you get her something to drink and go--go do the party thing. I can't believe Junia isn't all over you by now..."
As if on cue, they heard a squeal from the living room. Winn didn't know where she had come from since she hadn't seen any of the kids coming in, but when "Uncle Tay" screeched out of Junia's mouth, Winn's heart rate increased so suddenly that it startled her. Her tongue turned to sandpaper and her throat felt like it was closing up to the point where it was hard to swallow and she found herself having to put down the drink that Isaac had just placed in her hand.
Isaac. She glanced over at him and he turned up his drink. He didn't notice her looking at him, but she could tell he was already growing uncomfortable. It was almost tempting to pull him outside the back door and demand that he tell her exactly what the hell was going on between him and Taylor so that she could fix it. But she knew it wouldn't be that simple.
Winn didn't know what to do. Did she go into the living room and greet him? Did she stay in the kitchen and pretend like she didn't just hear the earth-shattering squeal that the entire neighborhood probably just heard? She hadn't heard from Taylor in four days--and she knew why. And she wasn't sure she could actually face him. Suddenly, she regretted not coming to the party with Isaac. She regretted ignoring him when he thought she was asleep Sunday morning and she--well, maybe she thought being an item with Isaac might make things a little bit easier on her in this moment. But she knew the truth was that it wouldn't. Nothing would make this moment any easier because regardless of whether she'd accepted Isaac's words Sunday morning, the previous Friday night had still happened.
No. Nothing would have made a difference right now.
Finally, Isaac's voice said quietly, "He's not going to bite you."
He must have sensed her own tension and she glanced at him uncomfortably. "I haven't heard from him since...Friday..."
"Seriously?" He replied, the confusion in his voice.
"Yeah..."
"I didn't know that."
Winn's eyes darted around. She didn't know what to say. She couldn't find it in her to tell him what had really happened on Friday, just like she couldn't tell him about the weekend in Oklahoma City. No wonder she couldn't bring herself to commit to Isaac. She was a dirty, filthy liar. The realization sunk her self-esteem to a brand new low. "Well...like you said...he gets mouthy when he drinks..."
Isaac let out a breath. "Why didn't you say anything?"
"Nothing really to tell," she murmured. Then she finally looked at him. "Please don't say anything."
He looked back at her, searching her eyes for a moment. Then he nodded. "Okay. Sure, yeah. Not a word."
"Thank you."
And then, to her surprise, Isaac winked at her and nodded his head toward the living room. "Go say hi to your friend. It's Christmas. I'll be right here, I'm not going anywhere."
She felt both grateful and guilty that Isaac was actually seeming supportive of her friendship with Taylor. Glancing around the kitchen, she caught Diana's watchful eye and then she was surprised when she turned a corner of her mouth up at her. Mustering up as much courage as she could, she stepped through the kitchen doorway and into the living room.
Winn's breath caught in her throat when she laid eyes on Taylor. In spite of herself, he looked absolutely gorgeous. Not really much different than he normally did, but there was something about him tonight that was unlike the norm. He was dressed simply, in jeans and a white sweater, and she could see his blue eyes sparkling from across the room as he smiled at his niece as he held her in his arms.
Winn was frozen in place and couldn't speak and Taylor only noticed her when he let Junia down and stood back up. His eyes widened for a moment in shock, and then a warm smile crossed his face that melted what was left of Winn's heart. "Hey," he said, crossing the room. "I thought that was your car out there, but it's dark so I couldn't be sure. I can't believe you came."
At Taylor's words, Junia finally noticed Winn and she darted through the living room like a little football player, nearly tripping Taylor in the process. "Aunt Winnie!" She squealed, much like she squealed for Taylor. Then she stopped in her tracks when she reached Winn and she raised her hand to her mouth and said in a loud whisper, "I mean, Aunt Winnie!"
Winn giggled and was grateful for the distraction as she bent down and hugged Junia. Completely oblivious to her surroundings, Junia grabbed Winn by the hand and led her back into the kitchen. "Come on, I brought your cookie!"
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Taylor was lucky he was still standing. The moment he laid eyes on Winn, his knees weakened underneath him and it was all he could do to hold himself up. He knew that was her car outside, but he'd spent the entire trip from his truck to the front door convincing himself that it wasn't, trying not to get his hopes up.
God, she was beautiful. He didn't know it was possible for a woman to grow so much more beautiful than the last time he saw her four days ago, but he now understood what she meant when she told him that he was a sight for sore eyes. He only wished that the sentiment meant the same for her that it did for him.
He had to admit that it bothered him slightly the way she hadn't said a word to him and allowed herself to be whisked away by a five-year-old kid. He guessed he deserved it. He hadn't exactly been on the radar the past few days and he'd voluntarily chosen not to respond to her texts. He should be lucky she was under the same roof as him at all.
Knowing her car was out there meant that, in changing her mind to attend the party, she hadn't changed her mind about coming with Isaac. He secretly had to take a little solace in that. That meant that Isaac was now just as friend-zoned as Taylor was. A small smirk crossed his face at the thought as he made his way into the kitchen.
Isaac was the first person he saw upon entering the kitchen. Taking a deep breath, he plastered a smile on his face and approached him. "Hey," he said. "Merry Christmas."
"Merry Christmas," Isaac returned, his smile tight-lipped. He raised his glass. "Drink?"
"Yeah," Taylor said, letting out a breath. "Yeah, I kinda need one, I think."
"Join the club," Isaac muttered.
Momentarily, the two men immersed themselves in mixed drinks and Taylor was starting to feel a little better about things, when he heard Shepherd's voice from across the room. "I made that myself. I let Abe color on it a little bit so he could help, but not too much so he didn't mess it up."
"Well, it's beautiful," he heard Winn say. "It's the most beautiful card anyone's ever given me."
Isaac and Taylor glanced at each other and they both turned around to witness the scene. Both men couldn't help their smiles. Winn was crouched down with Zac's three kids by the refrigerator, a beaming Kate nearby. Shepherd had obviously made a Christmas card for Winn, which Taylor felt was an accomplishment for the boy. "It's not as cool as the Legos you brought me," Shepherd said. "But I did the best I could."
"Are you kidding?" Winn said. "This is WAY cooler than those Legos. I didn't make those Legos. But you and Abe made this card yourselves and anything you make yourself is way cooler than anything you could buy in a store."
"Yeah...that's what my dad says," Shepherd said shyly.
"Well, your dad's a wise man."
"Here, Aunt Winnie," Junie said excitedly. "Look what I made you."
Winn smiled at the little girl. "Is this that famous cookie you were telling me about?"
Finally, Taylor couldn't keep it in. "Hey," he said dramatically. "What cookie? Are you giving away my cookie-love?"
"Shh!" Junia said, waving Taylor off. "Hush, Uncle Tay! I'm busy!"
Taylor blinked in surprise and Isaac nearly choked on his drink for laughing next to him. Taylor elbowed him and Isaac laughed harder. Taylor smiled and continued to watch the adorable exchange across the room.
"Yeah," Shepherd said, rolling his eyes. "It took her, like, HOURS to do it--" Then he glanced up at his mother and his eyes fell and he shut his mouth.
Taylor couldn't see the cookie on the small Styrofoam saucer it sat on, but Winn's face said it all. She was touched and she smiled at Junia, the light catching a glint in the tears that filled her eyes. He hadn't realized it until now, but it was apparent that Winn and Junia were forming themselves a bit of a bond. He didn't know how to feel about that. He wasn't sure if it was a good thing or not. But for the moment, it was beautiful.
"I even made the hair orange, just like yours," Junia said.
"Do I have to eat it?" Winn smiled, trying to fight off her tears.
"They taste REALLY good," Junia replied. "I know cause Mommy let me have one while we were baking them."
Winn chuckled. "But this one looks too pretty to eat. I don't want to mess it up, I'd like to keep it."
"You should put it in the freezer," Junia instructed with a serious tone. "Then you can keep it forever."
Winn smiled at her. "Then that's exactly what I'll do." Then she hugged each of the kids and she smiled at them. "Thank you guys so much. This has been the best Christmas ever."
"But Santa hasn't even came yet!" Junia squeaked.
"These presents are better than anything Santa could bring me."
The kids beamed with pride and then were quickly over the moment. Taylor was surprised their attention spans had lasted as long as they had. As Junia's little feet pitter-pattered across the kitchen and started to pass Taylor, he said to her, "Hey. Where's MY cookie?"
"Up there with the rest of them," she said, motioning toward the mounds of food that filled the table in the kitchen. "It has a T on it, you'll know it's yours."
She started to walk away and he said, "Well--where are you going?"
"To find my Barbie that Aunt Winnie brought me for Christmas. I need to show her to Aunt Jessie. I promised her she could hold her as long as she's real careful."
Taylor was shocked but he couldn't stop smiling. "Well. Okay, then. Have fun."
She rolled her little eyes and shook her head. "It's a party, of COURSE I'll have fun!" And with that, she was gone.
When the kitchen was empty of children, Isaac snickered beside Taylor. "Looks like you've been replaced."
Taylor cut a scowl over at him.
"Sorry," Winn suddenly said as she stood up across the kitchen. She shoved her hands in her pockets and bit her lip. "That was a complete surprise..."
"Please, it's not even an issue," Isaac said. "He's only joking with you." Then he glanced between the two of them and, to Taylor's surprise, he said, "Uh, excuse me for a second. I just realized I needed to run something by Zac." And then he left the room.
In a house packed full of people, it was a rare occasion when you found yourself alone with anyone. So when Taylor found himself alone in the kitchen with Winn, he really wasn't sure what to do with that time. They looked at each other awkwardly for a moment before he crossed the room toward her. "Bring it in," he said, smiling, as he took her in his arms and hugged her. "Merry Christmas. You haven't said two words to me since I came in."
"You haven't said two words to me since Saturday," she murmured into his shoulder.
"I know," he said, pulling away and shoving his hands in his pockets. "I'm sorry. I've, uh, I've had a lot going on. Up here," he said, pointing to his head.
"Yeah. I figured as much."
"I got your text Monday. I, uh, didn't want you to think I didn't read it."
"I meant what I said." Then she laughed and rolled her eyes. "Well, I guess I was wrong about the party part."
"I'm glad you came. Seriously. I'm really glad to see you. You're, uh," he smiled and glanced at the floor shyly. "You're a sight for sore eyes."
He looked up at her and she was smiling. God, he loved her smile. "I'm sorry I got the good cookie this year."
"You'll probably get the good cookie every single year from now on," he said with a chuckle. "I usually eat mine. You keeping yours probably just made her whole holiday."
"And to think, I thought I sealed the deal with an eBay Barbie doll," she said.
They both laughed. "I see your ulterior motives here," he teased. "Stealing my girl right out from under me. I get it."
"Please," she scoffed. "You're still her favorite person on the planet."
"You're giving me a run for my money."
"I'll dye your hair red if you think it'll help."
"I'll shave it first."
"I'll drop you like a bad habit."
"Oh, is THAT how it is? And the truth finally comes out..."
Before he knew it, the two of them were laughing so loudly that neither of them noticed the five-year-old girl peeking around the kitchen doorway with the smile on her face.
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Winn was in the third hour of the party before she realized what time it was, and then she shrugged it off. She wasn't worried about darting out of there anymore. She was having too much fun. She felt like she'd known everyone for years. After the gift exchange from Zac's kids, she had talked business with Walker, discussed cookies with Diana, and had an in-depth hair conversation with Avery and Jessica. Before it was over with, she found herself sitting in the floor while Junia snoozed in her lap, cuddling her Barbie doll. Shepherd played quietly nearby her with a toy his grandparents had given him and Abe had been in another room, knocked out for the past hour.
As the family had been perched in various places around the room, talking during a calm point in the party, Zac had come over and retrieved his sleeping daughter from Winn's lap. She hadn't noticed how warm Junia had been until she realized she'd been sweating under her clothes from the body heat. As Zac carried her down the hall, Winn stood up to air out her shirt. "Wow," Winn smiled, embarrassed as several family members chuckled. "It's been a short while since a kid's fallen asleep on me for that long."
"You have nieces and nephews?" Avery asked.
"I have nephews," she replied. "Close to Junie's age."
"You must be their favorite aunt," she commented.
Winn smiled. "Yeah. I like to think so."
"I bet they miss you."
Winn felt herself growing quiet. She swallowed hard and she nodded. "Uh, yeah. Yeah, I hope so."
Taylor tried to be inconspicuous and quiet Avery but Winn noticed anyway. So she plastered a smile on her face and she looked around. "If it's okay, I'm going to grab something to drink. Anyone want anything while I'm up?"
She was met with murmurs of no's and she continued to smile as she headed into the empty kitchen. Once there, she looked around and then she pulled out her cell phone and pulled up her brother's number.
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Winn had been gone an abnormal amount of time. By the look on Taylor's face, Isaac knew that they were both thinking the same thing. And since Isaac was the one closest to the kitchen, he took it upon himself to check on her.
When he walked in, he found her huddled in a corner with her back turned. She had her phone on her ear and he could barely hear what she was saying as the sound was muffled into the wall. "Are you guys excited for Santa tonight?...What did you ask for this year?...Oh...well, I don't know if he's gonna be able to fit THAT down the chimney...I know, I wish I was, too. I miss you guys." He heard her sniff and his heart broke. She was talking to her nephews. He could kill his sister for even bringing the subject up, though she had no real way of knowing. "No, it's okay," Winn said again into her phone. "They're happy tears. Happy Christmas tears. Sometimes when something really good happens, you cry happy tears. It's okay."
Isaac knew she was lying, but the sentiment was sweet anyway. After another minute, she wrapped up the call and she turned around and gasped, wiping her eyes. "I didn't know anyone was standing there."
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah," she nodded, careful to wipe her eyes. "Yeah, everything's good. They're, uh, they're about to go to bed so I caught them right on time. I made sure I mailed their gifts last week, so they'll have them tomorrow..."
She was rambling, trying to make herself feel better. "You need a drink?" He offered.
She smiled and shook her head. "No. No, thanks, I gotta drive home soon."
"I'll take you home," he said, stepping toward her. "Or--or you can come home with me. We could spend Christmas together. Neither one of us would be alone."
Her eyes darted around the room for a second. He could see the nervousness in her eyes. "I--um--I think--I think I just need to be alone tonight. I just--I need to go home and regroup--"
"Winn, it's Christmas. You can't do that to yourself."
"I'm not doing anything to myself. I have no problem with--"
"Here," he said, pulling a small, wrapped box out of his pocket, a desperate attempt to seal a deal that he knew was quickly slipping through his fingers. "I brought you something. I've been waiting for the right time to give it to you."
Her eyes widened at the small box with the red paper and she shook her head. "Ike, I don't--"
He smiled and shook his head. "It's not what you think. Will you just open it?"
Hesitantly, she took the box from his hand and she slowly unwrapped it, her hands shaking. He remembered his words to Taylor from the day before. 'If she scares easily, it's not my fault.' Now he was beginning to wonder if this was a good idea. But it was too late. She was already taking the top off of the small, black box.
Her eyes widened again and the blood drained from her face. "Ike," she whispered, barely able to get it out. "Is this--? Is this what--?"
He closed his hands over both of hers and the box and he looked into her eyes. "If you find yourself feeling lonely tonight--no matter what time it is--you feel free to use this. It belongs to you."
Her jaw dropped and she shoved her hands toward him. "I can't do it. Ike, I'm sorry. I--I appreciate it and--and it's--it's amazing that you trust me like that but--but it's too fast. It's too soon, it's too fast, I just can't. I can't, not right now, I'm so sorry."
She shook like a leaf and her voice cracked. In the entire time he knew her, he hadn't seen fear like that in her. She was terrified. He'd have been heartbroken in that moment, had he not been more concerned for her well-being. He should have known that it was too soon to offer her his apartment key. Deep down, he knew it was too soon, but he let desperation take over anyway. It seemed lately that every time he saw her, he grew more and more anxious and he wished he knew where the feelings stemmed from.
"I'm so sorry," she kept repeating. "I'm so sorry..."
"It's okay," he said gently. "Really, it's okay. I just--you know, I wasn't sure..."
"I'm so sorry," she said, wrapping her arms around his neck and hugging him. "I'm sorry." Then she pulled away and she looked at him. "But, listen. You keep it. Okay? You keep it and hold on to it and--and maybe one of these days when--you know, when it doesn't feel like it's too soon, we can--we can revisit this and--and maybe by then I'll be a little more stable..."
"Winn," he said a little more firmly this time. "It's really okay. Really. You don't have to freak out--"
"I'm sorry," she said again. "I don't want to upset you--"
"Do I look upset?"
"I would be upset if I were you."
"Well you're not me and I'm not upset. It was a long shot, I took it. It's really not a problem. Like you said, we'll revisit it sometime in the future. It's not a big deal."
"It kinda IS a big deal..."
"You know what I mean."
"You're really not mad at me?"
"No. I am not upset at you." He shoved the box back into his pocket and kissed her forehead. "I'm not upset. Calm down. Okay?"
She nodded. "You want to do something for me for Christmas? How about that drink you suggested?"
Isaac chuckled warmly. "I can do that for you. No problem."
"Make it strong," she said.
"Absolutely."
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As the party picked back up again, and Winn sipped on whatever concoction Isaac had made up for her, the two of them conversed in the doorway between the kitchen and the living room. She was feeling a little better, the conversation was light, and she tried to convince herself that maybe Isaac also seemed a little relieved at the outcome of his attempted Christmas gift to her. It was too soon for both of them and she knew it. He had to know it, too.
Winn had just set her glass down on a table nearby in the kitchen and returned to her conversation with Isaac, when she heard a squeal ring out through the air, and not a happy one like the one at the beginning of the night had been. "Uncle Ike, NO!"
In a blur, not even aware that Junia had woken up, she came running at him at full speed and crashed into him, pushing him by his legs and he having nowhere to go but backward as he stumbled a little by her tiny impact.
The house had grown quiet at the little girl's sudden outburst and concern washed over Isaac's face as he squatted down to her level and brushed her hair out of her face. "Hey," he said to her gently. "What's gotten into you, princess?"
"You're in the way," she said.
He furrowed his brow at her as he tried to understand her. "In the way of what?"
She pointed her little finger silently upward. "If you stand right there, then Uncle Tay can't stand there, and then he can't hold Aunt Winnie's hand, and then they can't get married!"
You could have heard a pin drop.
Winn followed Isaac's eyes to the mistletoe that had hung above them and then, uncontrollably, she gasped and took a step backward. Shock couldn't even begin to describe what Winn was feeling.
Isaac looked at Junia a moment longer and then he looked around the room, standing up slowly.
"I'm gonna go find Uncle Tay," Junia said diligently. "It's okay, I'll fix it. Don't worry."
When she disappeared from the room, nobody knew what to say. It was in that moment that Winn realized that the entire family thought exactly what she feared they would. What had this entire night been? Was it lies? All of it? They'd been so nice, so welcoming...
Winn turned and looked at Isaac helplessly. She opened her mouth and then she closed it against his accusing eyes. "Ike," she barely breathed out. "I have no idea where--"
"I need some air," he spat as he left the doorway and stormed through the living room. As he opened up the front storm door, he was jerking the tie loose from around his neck. The door slammed behind him as he went out of it.
Winn froze in place as she looked around. Her breath, and her tears, seemed to catch in her throat, along with her words. She had no idea what to say. She didn't know what to do. She felt her chest closing up and her breathing started to quicken. Oh, please no. Please don't have a panic attack right now.
Taylor appeared out of nowhere. Nobody realized he'd been missing. The smile he walked in the room with disappeared when he looked around. "Whoa," he said. "What did I miss?"
"I think I'm gonna be sick," Winn said all of a sudden, bolting for the back door.
Once outside, she gasped in the cold air, desperate to force what was coming up, back down into her churning stomach. What was she supposed to do now? Surely Isaac didn't think what she thought he did. God, it was so painfully obvious that he thought exactly that. The way she rejected the apartment key. And then Junia's sudden outburst--what was she going to do now? How could she convince him otherwise? How had this night turned into such a huge mess so quickly?
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Zac watched as Taylor examined everyone in the room. "Does ANYBODY want to tell me what the hell is going on in here? Or am I supposed to just stand here and guess?"
Everyone looked around at each other and Zac sighed, obviously being silently volunteered to do the dirty work. "Junia had an outburst..."
"Well what did she do, blow up a small country or something?"
"Uh, no," Zac answered, rubbing his forehead. "No, uh, she caught Ike and Winn under the mistletoe...they didn't even know it was there..."
Taylor was growing more agitated. "Get to the point," he spat.
"You know," Zac said, a desperate laugh escaping his lips. "It's just--it's silly, really, it's not like--"
"So silly you can hear a pin drop in here," Taylor said. Then he looked around. "Where's Ike? What's wrong with Winn? WHAT is going on in here?"
"Dammit," Zac muttered under his breath. "Junia freaked out and told Ike he was standing in your place. Okay? That's what happened. She told him he was in the way."
Taylor's eyes darted around the room and he shifted his weight nervously, smiling in desperation. "What? She's--she's a kid. Did he--I mean, it's not like you can take that seriously...right?" Then he started to look around, frantically. "Where did Winn run off to?"
"Tay," Zac said, nodding toward the front. "She's fine. Ike's in the front yard."
Taylor's eyes blinked at Zac and he hesitated for a moment. "Uh. Uh, yeah. Yeah, okay."
And then he followed his younger brother quietly out the front door.
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Winn had just started calming down and feeling the actual chill of the night air when she heard the voices echoing from the front yard. She couldn't make out the words, but she recognized the angry tones. The louder they got, the worse it made her feel. By the time the yelling started, Winn knew she had to get out of there.
She was much too nervous to walk into the house, but she had no choice. Retrieving her belongings from the kitchen, she walked into the living room that was still relatively quiet, conversation being had in low voices. "Um, listen, um, thank you all so much for having me tonight," she said. "I really appreciate it, you've all been so kind. But I'm, uh, I'm not feeling very well, so I think it's time for me to go home now."
"Winn," Diana said regretfully. "You don't have to--"
"Yes, I do," she said, sucking back her tears. "I do. I need to go. Again, thank you so much for inviting me into your home and sharing your holiday. But I've overstayed my welcome, I believe, so, um. I'm sorry. Thank you. Um, Merry Christmas to you all--"
"Winn," Kate's voice rang out as she crossed the room. She approached Winn and she stopped. "It's not your fault," she said, gently.
"Then why do I feel like it is?" She whispered. "Kate, I'm so humiliated right now." And then she thought about it. "Please don't tell Junie what's going on. Don't let her think this is because of her because it isn't. Tell her I got sick--"
"Don't worry about her. I wish you would stay."
Winn shook her head. "I'm sorry. I can't. They're out there yelling at each other. All of them. I can't believe you can't hear it."
And then they did. The sound was beginning to carry. Kate's eyes darted toward the door.
"I have to go," Winn said. "I have to. I'm sorry."
And with that, Winn flew out the front door. She darted down the front steps and through the yard, attempting to get to her car before she was noticed.
"Winn!" Taylor yelled loudly across the yard. "Winn, stop! Where are you going?"
"I'm sorry," she creaked out as she opened the back door. She frantically put her stuff in the backseat and closed it.
"Winn, I'm sorry," Isaac called as they began to advance in her through the yard.
"No," she said as she opened her front door and stepped inside the car. "Stay away from me. Both of you. Please."
And then she started her car and peeled out of the driveway and down the street.