I SEE YOU
Winn felt like she cried for the entirety of Saturday night. She'd never felt more alone in her entire life. Unlike herself, she slept unusually late on Sunday. By mid-afternoon, she found herself sitting on her porch, wrapped tight in a blanket, a cup of caffeinated hot tea in her hands as she looked out at the lake under the white, overcast sky.
Even the chill on her face, which she usually enjoyed, couldn't pull emotion out of her. She felt numb. Empty. She wasn't even sure where her sense of meaning had disappeared to. All she felt was the void.
She wasn't sure how Isaac had managed to sneak up on her. She should have heard the leaves crunching under his feet as he approached. However, she glanced over and spied him standing just at the bottom of the short steps of her porch, his hands shoved in the pockets of the black hoodie he wore with his blue jeans. He gazed out at the lake and said, "You know, it occurred to me that I've never actually been out here before."
"You're missing out," she replied flatly.
"I see that."
"Why are you here? I was going to call you."
"Because I'm not a mind-reader. And I don't believe in miracles."
In spite of herself, a smirk crossed her lips.
He turned around and smirked back at her then turned back to the view. "So. Not gonna send me away?"
Winn shook her head. "No."
Finally, he climbed the steps and pulled a chair in front of her and sat in it, leaning forward, his elbows resting on his knees. "Look," he said to her. "I've been a wreck all weekend. You gotta believe how sorry--"
She held her hand up and shook her head. "You don't have to apologize."
"Yes, I do--"
"No. You don't. Really. I was wrong. What you did for me was--beyond. It was SO thoughtful and generous. And I think the shock allowed me to react without thinking. I shouldn't have been so rude to you. I humiliated you and I berated you and I was wrong."
Isaac looked confused. "Um, I don't know what to say..."
"I'm a horrible person, Ike. I'm a horrible, unfair person. You shouldn't be nice to me."
"Winn--that's not true. Where is that coming from?"
"Do you feel like I'm stringing you along? Is that what I do? Do I string people along?"
Isaac sat back in his chair and studied her suspiciously "You were out with Tay last night..."
"Yeah, and then I came home."
"And?"
"And all hell broke loose. Out of nowhere. It's like--I can't make either one of you happy. I can't keep friends because I just keep screwing it up."
He looked at her, concern and curiosity in his eyes. "What I want to know is, how does a night full of kids and lights turn into this right here?"
She looked up from her tea. "How did you know--?"
He raised an eyebrow. "Seriously?"
Winn sighed. "I don't know. Everything was fun last night. Kids were adorable. Then he brought me home and--and we fought and it was bad and I told him I didn't want to see him again."
Isaac's eyes widened in surprise. "Was it that bad?"
"It was pretty bad."
"What did he say?"
She searched his face for a moment. Then she asked, "Ike? Am I your type?"
----------------------------------------------------------
Isaac shifted uncomfortably in his chair. "Was your fight last night about me?"
Winn looked in his eyes for a moment and then her face fell and she nodded. Then she looked back up at him. "Am I? Your type, I mean."
"What did he say?"
"He says I'm not."
"And what do you think?"
"I don't believe in types," she said quietly. Then she grew restless. "But--but I thought we were friends? Friends are supposed to be happy for each other, right?"
The more she talked, the angrier Isaac grew and he fought to keep his composure. "Generally, yes."
"I don't think he understands us," she continued quietly. "I don't think he gets it."
"It's not for anyone else to get."
"I don't think I even get it sometimes. But I like you. I've enjoyed getting to know you. You've surprised me in a lot of ways. And that's my business. You know?"
"Did he, by chance, tell you WHY he was upset?"
She shook her head. "It didn't even come to that. And it doesn't even matter now. He said some hateful, unforgivable things. He's not the person I thought he was, Ike."
"Well, when you put someone up on a pedestal like that--"
Her eyes shot into his. "I didn't put him up on anything. He has faults just like you and me."
"And now you can't handle it when he shows them."
"Ike, he brought up my fiancée! He challenged my integrity and nearly implied that my fiancée's cheating on me was MY fault! Of COURSE I can't handle that!"
And now Isaac was fuming. "I will," he said. "I'll handle it. I'll handle it right now--"
"No," she said abruptly. "That's the other thing I've been thinking about. The two of you seem to have some issues with each other. I don't know what they are and it's none of my business. But whatever is going on, I'm beginning to feel caught in the middle. And that's not fair." Then she sighed, muttering, "Though at this moment I'm not sure I'm in the middle of anything anymore."
Isaac sat back in his chair, fighting to ignore the cold air that surrounded them, and he looked at the redhead across from him, long and hard. Her hair piled on top of her head, wrapped up in her thick blanket, and gripping her mug, he'd never seen her look more frail. Or more vulnerable. She'd apparently had a rough night. And a rough morning. And though it was growing seemingly obvious that he had been the subject of her rough night and morning, he was only the subject by proxy. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that it wasn't necessarily Taylor's convicting words against him that were the problem, but the fact that she had fought with Taylor at all that was the issue. That was exactly what this was. Maybe she didn't realize it. Maybe she thought all this time she was defending Isaac. But the reality was, what she was actually doing, was mourning Taylor.
The thought made Isaac absolutely sick to his stomach. He loved his brother. He knew that what he was doing, pursuing Winn, was wrong. But he couldn't deny his own feelings as well. Winn was good for him. He liked himself when she was around. His eyes were more open lately. Damned if he didn't think she inspired him a little. You couldn't just let someone like that get away. Especially when she seemed to be a bit enamored with you herself.
Finally, he asked her, "Winn. What do YOU want?"
She had been staring off into space when he'd brought her back to reality. "Huh?"
"What do you want?"
"I want everything to be the same again. I want it to be easy. I want--I want to laugh and have coffee with him and talk about stupid stuff like cereal and bubble lights. I want to go out with you and like you and not have to feel--I dunno, awkward about it."
"Awkward?"
"Well it's painfully obvious that Tay has an aversion to the fact that I like you."
"It's not really his business--"
"But I don't get it. Is it because--because you're his brother? Is that awkward for him?"
Isaac shook his head. "No."
"I don't think opposite sex friendships work."
"We're friends, aren't we? I mean, we're not in a committed relationship. Right?"
"Yeah..."
"And that works for us."
"Until we have our occasional freak outs..."
"You mean YOUR occasional freak outs," he pointed out.
For the first time since he came over, they both smiled. "And the sex is pretty great," she muttered sheepishly. "You know, the one time..."
Isaac chuckled. "Didn't realize you expected it to be an every day thing."
And then she laughed. A genuine laugh and that made Isaac smile. It didn't matter what the subject was, as long as he made her laugh. "Considering the circumstances, I expected to have to fight you off every five seconds."
"Come on, I'm not that bad."
And then her expression softened and she shook her head. "No. You're not."
He smiled and he leaned forward in his chair, removing the now-cold mug from her hands and pulling her chair against him. "But I can be," he flirted, inching his face closer to hers. "If you want me to be."
She bit her lip and she smiled as her eyes searched his. Then she stood up, her huge blanket still wrapped around her, maneuvered underneath it for a moment, and discarded her pants, along with her underwear, on the porch beside her. Isaac grinned. "WHAT are you doing?"
"Doing something I've never done before." In only her t-shirt and her socks, she slid her knees onto his lap and wrapped her blanket around the both of them. His excitement was instantaneous and he wasted no time kissing her.
Her fists gripped the blanket as her arms wrapped around his neck, leaving his hands to explore her soft skin that she kept hidden away from the outside world. The fact that they were outside nearly exposed and only he was allowed to have what was under the blanket was a notion that turned him on immensely.
Unable to help himself, he broke their blanket barrier in order to pull her shirt up over her head. As he discarded it onto the porch next to the chair and pulled the blanket back around them, covering her up, the next words out of his mouth startled even him, as he was never one to really care too much in the heat of the moment. "Is that okay? Are you too cold?"
She shook her head and smiled. "No. I like the cold. And besides, I'm pretty warm right this second."
In one swift motion, he slid his hand underneath her and smiled seductively. "That, you are."
She kissed him eagerly, a whimper escaping her throat as he slid his fingers inside her. After a minute or two of the insanity taking him over at her breathing in his ear, he longed to replace his fingers inside her, when she suddenly whispered, "I bet it's even hotter in my shower."
Isaac raised his eyebrows at the suggestion and it took nothing for him to agree to it. The only drawback to taking the party from the porch to the shower was it gave him time to think while heading from point A to point B. Watching Winn waddle around in her blanket as she led him to the bathroom would have been cute had his mind not gone where it had gone. The last time he'd had sex with her, a week ago this day, she'd just come back from her company party after an apparent fight with Taylor. And now, here they were, about to have sex again after a fight with Taylor. Isaac tried to ignore the pattern, and the inevitable. However, he had already decided that he wasn't giving this up without a fight. Taylor could count on it.
The shower was hot, literally and figuratively. He was intoxicated by her scent that surrounded him, the shampoos that she used, the decadent scents of vanilla and mint that were in the various holiday-themed body washes that sat on the shower rack. Her hair had barely gotten wet before he had his hands on her. He couldn't help it. He tangled his fingers into the back of her hair as he pinned her to the side wall and took her from behind, the shower water spraying on them both. The echo of her cries was hot enough as it was and then she started biting her lip as the other side of her face pressed against the wall with the rest of her body.
Feeling momentarily merciful, he turned her around and wrapped one of her legs around his waist. Between the warmth of her and the warmth of the shower water, it didn't take him long to come and then he slid his fingers inside her to finish her off. He smiled as he held her up for a few seconds as she giggled in embarrassment and when she was able to come down from her sexual high and hold herself up, she giggled and she kissed him.
"You're right," he smiled between kisses. "It's so much hotter in here."
"Good idea, huh?" She replied, smiling coyly.
"I like how you have a little crazy in you. Keeps me on my toes."
"You know what's really crazy?"
"What?" He answered, brushing his lips against hers.
She lowered her voice. "That I'm about to wash my hair in front of you."
He laughed and then he stopped when he thought about it. "Wait. Have you--you've never showered with anyone before?"
She shook her head.
"How long were you and your fiancée together?"
"Four years."
"And you never showered together?"
She shook her head again. "No. He wasn't very...I dunno, imaginative, I guess. I've only ever had sex in the bedroom."
His eyes widened and he stepped back to let her have the water to run over her hair. He couldn't help his curiosity. "Seriously? You've never even hit the basics? The couch, the backseat of a car...you've seriously never had sex outside the bedroom?"
She shook her head as she ran her hands through her hair. "Nope."
"Was he your first?"
"No."
"So how many other losers have you slept with?"
Now it was Winn's turn to laugh. "The wrong ones, apparently."
"So--so how are you so...I mean, you're so--"
"Well I wasn't a virgin, Ike. Just because we kept it in the bedroom doesn't mean we didn't make it interesting. Trust me, honey, I'm so limber I've probably been in positions that would make you blush."
"So..." he said, calculating. "In a sense, I HAVE deflowered you..."
"You're reading too much into this," she laughed as she ran the conditioner through her hair. "You got me in the shower. It was hot. Let's move on."
"Your next line had better not be 'I've had better.' "
She slid her arms around his neck and pecked his lips. "It isn't, I promise. But you're kinda--you know, making me feel like...I dunno..."
"Inferior?"
"Maybe."
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to."
"It's okay. Let me rinse my hair before we run out of hot water and I'll get out of the way. I've never actually let the water run long enough to see how good my water heater is..."
As they dried off and he dressed himself, he watched Winn walk around the bedroom and put her clothes on, piece by piece. He knew he probably should have waited in the living room and allowed a little mystery there, but he couldn't help himself. There was some part of him that couldn't bear to tear his eyes away from her. He was afraid of how quickly she might disappear if he did.
"So, listen, you wanna go to dinner?" He asked. He pulled out his cell phone. "It's still early, I can probably get us a reservation..."
She crossed the room in her underwear and the sweater she had just pulled over her head. She slid her arms around his neck and brushed his nose. "Forgive me for being a little clingy today. But I figure, yanno, since we're doing all these wild and crazy things today--" she rolled her eyes toward the bathroom and smiled. "You know what would be REALLY wild and crazy? If you ditched that idea for whatever stuffy restaurant you have in mind and take me to a dive for some really good pizza."
He furrowed his brow in surprise. "Are you serious?"
"Ike," she said matter-of-factly. "I wear Batman bras and my body wash smells like gingerbread. Come on."
He shoved his phone back in his pocket and slid his arm around her waist, pulling her in tighter. "I can do that."
She smiled. "Good."
"Give me, like, twenty minutes to run home and change."
Then she frowned. "Change?"
"I look like a bum."
"No, you don't. You look like you. You look perfect."
As much as the sentiment warmed his heart, he knew better. "I really need to go home and change if we're going out."
"Please don't come back in a stuffy suit."
He scoffed. "Stuffy suit? I feel like every time I'm in one you can't keep your hands off me. Why would I want to ruin a good thing?"
"Because you're sexier in jeans," she grinned.
"Fine," he said, defeated. Then he snuck a peck back on her lips and pulled away, heading for the door. "Give me twenty. I'll be right back."
"In jeans," she called behind him.
"Jeans," he called as he went out the door. "Got it!"
Isaac smiled and shook his head as he got in his vehicle. That woman would be the death of him yet.
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As promised, Isaac returned in nearly twenty minutes, in jeans and a black button-down shirt. It wasn't a t-shirt or a sweater, but she hadn't specified and he looked hot anyway, so she decided she would take it. At least he looked comfortable.
And he smelled amazing.
"Did you shower again?"
"No--"
"I mean, it's okay if you did. It's not like I have any manly scents in my shower..."
He chuckled warmly. "I didn't shower again, I swear. It's the aftershave. I'm kinda starting to like this stuff..."
"Me, too," she said, unable to resist the urge to kiss his cheek. It was so obvious that he'd run the razor over his face when he went home. Winn smiled. "Why won't you ever tell me what it's called?"
"What?"
"Well, I've commented on it a few times and you never will tell me what it's called."
"You wanna know the honest truth?"
"Of course I do."
"It's because I can't pronounce it."
Winn had to giggle. "What?"
He blushed and ran a hand through his hair. "Yeah. I kinda just smelled through them until I found one I liked and then just bought it. The store was out of my usual..."
She took a step back from him and looked him over, her grin widening. "Oh my god...that is such a typical male thing to do..."
"Uh, well, I am male...last time I checked..."
"Well, yeah, but...you're just so...meticulous about everything. There isn't a thing out of place in your apartment, your car is immaculate, you can name off every single upscale restaurant and club in Tulsa, INCLUDING business hours and the owners' names, memorize, what, hundreds of songs and play them to perfection, but yet you don't even know the name of your own after shave..."
"Uh, okay...are you finished cutting me down--?"
"I'm not cutting you down, I find that sexy as hell."
Confusion took over his entire expression. "What?"
"Yeah. It means you're not perfect. I think you try to be perfect--it's like you work so hard to be perfect on the outside so that no one can see your imperfections on the inside, but honestly, Ike, it's your imperfections that make you perfect."
Isaac was speechless but Winn meant every word that she said. She wasn't sure when it happened. Maybe it was his grand gesture at the club that did it for her, but she was starting to respect him. And the truth was, he had done quite a bit in the past week to earn it. She really felt like she was finally starting to get to know the real him, underneath the suit jackets and the expensive whiskey and his Casanova reputation. She felt lucky for it.
When they walked out the door to leave, Winn stopped dead in her tracks, confused. She tucked her hair behind her ear and she stared hard at Isaac's vehicle. "Uh, Ike? Where's the Mustang?"
"Traded it," he beamed. "For this bad boy right here. That's what I was doing today before I came over."
"So you bought an Escalade..."
"Well...I mean you seemed kinda weird about the Mustang, so..."
Winn's eyes widened. Surely he wasn't implying what she thought he was implying...
He looked at her face and then quickly added, "I was kinda sick of that thing anyway, it was time for a change."
"That's quite a change..."
"It is," he said, shoving his hands in his pockets proudly. "But it feels good. It was time."
She looked at him and it hit her. This was symbolism. Maybe he didn't realize it, but it was painfully obvious to her. He was making an effort. Just a week ago, he had pulled up in his Mustang, dressed in a suit, flashing around large amounts of cash in the VIP room of a club to try to impress her. Now he stood before her in a pair of jeans and a completely different, more mild vehicle. And they were about to go for pizza. She found herself smiling. She was proud of him and he was obviously proud of himself.
He looked over at her and he furrowed his brow. "You okay?"
"I see you," she smiled.
"What?"
"I see you."
His eyes darted around, confused. "Uh, okay..."
Then she smiled as he opened the passenger door and helped her inside the vehicle.
****************
When they pulled up to Kel's Pizza and Pub, located at the tail end of a small shopping center, Winn smiled. She had requested a dive and Isaac had delivered. "Is it rude to call a place a dive?" Winn asked as she and Isaac walked inside the restaurant.
"Nah," he said. "Some places wear it proudly. I know Kelsey does. She prefers it that way."
"Kelsey?"
"Yeah, Kelsey Kennedy. She's the owner."
"Oh," she said quietly.
He pulled her close to him and leaned in her ear. "I know what you're thinking. I've never done anything with her."
"Is she a lesbian?"
Isaac laughed for a second and then shook his head. "No. But she's an old family friend, so. No funny business with her."
Winn couldn't help herself. She knew it was that stigma he carried around. The one he was obviously growing a little tired of. She knew that any mention of any female he knew, platonic or not, would make her feel uneasy. She knew it shouldn't. She didn't understand why she felt anything at all. She and Isaac were merely friends--with benefits, apparently. Except that she was just now getting to the point where she was really
starting to like who he was--only to be plagued by one nagging feeling after the other. Why didn't she feel like she was allowed to feel freely anymore?
They ordered pizza and beer. Winn reminded Isaac that she wasn't a beer-drinker and he decided to make it his duty to turn her into one. She couldn't help but be reminded of the time she and Taylor ended up at the Chamber of Commerce dinner together after she'd just met him. She'd told him she wasn't a beer-drinker and he had been convinced that would change. She just assumed that her first beer in Tulsa would be with him. Against her better judgment, she had assumed a lot of her firsts in Tulsa would be with him. She'd been wrong, the same way she'd been wrong about him. Her heart suddenly felt heavy.
She didn't realize she'd grown quiet until it came time to order and Isaac had to bring her back to reality. Upon ordering, it was obvious that she and Isaac had very different tastes in toppings. They ended up ordering half and half, his loaded with mostly meat, hers loaded with mostly vegetables. As they waited on their order, Isaac looked across the table and said, "Hey. Why don't you come sit over here with me?"
She grinned. "But I can see you just fine right here."
"But you're closer to me here," he argued.
She couldn't argue with that. She wasn't sure what it was. She didn't know if maybe she was just desperate to feel something or if she really was into him that much, but she left her own seat and slid into the booth next to him. He slid his arm around her waist and smiled. "That's better."
After a few minutes, they were talking and laughing and Winn was feeling a little more at ease. Isaac had begun showing small displays of affection, which was something he'd never actually done in public before. Again, she tried to read into it and then decided not to. Reading into things made things difficult. She should just do like Isaac suggested before, and just go with the flow and see where things went. She had to admit, she felt a bond with him that day. She couldn't explain it, but it was the first time she'd felt anything like it.
Dinner was fun and the pizza was excellent. When Isaac let loose and he wasn't busy trying to impress her or seduce her, he was a hilarious person. Winn couldn't remember the last time she'd laughed so much and to laugh the way she did felt so good.
The beer was tolerable. "I have to be conceited and make you try ours first," he said. "What kind of businessman would I be if I took you for beer and didn't buy you an Mmmhops?"
"Except you're not buying me one. I'm buying you one." Then she smiled. "Dinner's on me tonight."
"No," he said, shaking his head and wiping his mouth with his napkin. "No, the man always pays."
"Not tonight."
"Always."
"No."
"Are we gonna fight about this?"
"Not if you give it up."
"Winn, I can't let you--"
"Damn, Ike, just let me buy you dinner. Why is that so hard?"
He turned up his beer and then he shrugged sheepishly. "Nobody's ever really offered..."
This bothered her. There were several things she had noticed that he'd mentioned nobody's ever done or nobody's ever said. Did people really use him as much as it seemed? And had he just sat back and allowed it all to happen to him over the years? It broke Winn's heart to think so.
"Well I'm offering," she said. "And I'm doing it. Because I want to. Ike, you gotta--you gotta let someone take care of you once in awhile."
He shook his head and turned up his beer again. "Trust me, nobody wants to take care of Tulsa's Most Eligible Bachelor. Hell, I brought it on myself, you know? I know that. Nobody trusts me. They just--I don't really wanna talk about it. I thought we were having fun?"
"We are," she said gently. "I just--I worry. You know?"
"You don't have to worry about me. I promise."
"Don't let people walk all over you anymore," she said quietly.
He looked over at her and furrowed his brow. "What are you--I don't--I don't let people walk all over me."
She searched his eyes and nodded, choosing to drop the subject. "Okay." They were silent for a moment before she turned to look at him again. "Ike?"
His elbows resting on the table, the wheels obviously turning in his head now, he looked at her. "Yeah?"
"You're a good person. And I care about you. And--and I don't know where we're going. Or if we'll last, or if we'll even have a future together. But no matter what happens between us, no matter the outcome, if you never take ANYTHING else away from the time you spent with me, take that. You ARE a good person and I DO care about you. Okay?"
He let his beer hang from his hand as he stared back into her eyes. "Where did you come from?"
She smiled warmly. "Just a small town in Texas."
He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close, resting his cheek on her head in a small hug. Winn had been enjoying the moment when they were interrupted by a cheerful voice and a large tray full of plastic cups of beer. "Well, then," the girl said as she sat down in the booth across from them while the waitress behind her cleared the table. Winn quickly pulled herself away from Isaac. "Little birdie told me that someone sitting in my establishment is a beer virgin. Would that be correct?"
Shyly, Winn tucked her hair behind her ear and smiled. "Yeah...I, uh, I've never really been much into it."
"It's an acquired taste," the woman said. Then she reached across the table. "Forgive me for being rude. I'm Kelsey Kennedy, I own this joint."
Winn reached across and shook her hand. "Winnie Douglas," she said. "Call me Winn. Ike says you're a family friend, it's good to meet you."
Kelsey smiled. She was pretty. A brunette with shoulder-length layers and a bright smile. There was comfort in her eyes. And confidence And the confidence was what made her not just pretty, but beautiful. Winn liked her immediately, despite the intrusion.
"He'd be right," Kelsey said as she turned her attention to him. "Gotta admit, I'm kinda surprised to see you in my establishment."
Winn couldn't stop the words from flowing from her mouth as she looked at Isaac. "Oh god, Ike, what did you do?"
Kelsey laughed and Isaac blushed. "He didn't do anything," Kelsey assured her. "It's just been quite awhile since we've seen him around these parts. He used to be a regular."
"I've been watching my girlish figure," he said, raising his beer and turning it up. Then he nodded toward the tray. "What's going on here?"
"Well, Leslie overheard your conversation when she was taking your order. And I figured if anyone's gonna learn anything about beer, then they need the right man to teach them. And here I am."
Isaac scoffed. "You think I couldn't do it?"
"Come on, Ike," Kelsey smirked. "You're still nursing the first one you ordered."
"I'm savoring it. There's a difference."
Kelsey looked at Winn. "This guy wouldn't know how to savor a beer if his life depended on it," she said in a loud whisper.
"Well I am today," Isaac replied. "Times, they are a' changin' Kels."
Winn's heart sunk just a little bit, to her surprise. She hadn't expected that. But to hear Isaac refer to what was obviously a common nickname for Kelsey stung her just a little bit. Making an effort to keep her spirits up, Winn smiled and looked between the two of them. "So, how long have you guys known each other?"
"Long enough," Kelsey said. "Back when we were teenagers, before the whole MMMBop thing--"
"Heh, MMMBop thing," Isaac scoffed and muttered.
"Anyway," Kelsey chuckled, "Our parents are friends. Have been for years. And over the summer our parents used to send us to summer camp. We rode the bus together and then when they split up the boys' and girls' camps we used to communicate. Our last year there we used to sneak off into the woods after hours and drink whatever alcohol we could get our hands on."
"Staying drunk was the only way I could get through camp," Isaac said. He looked at Winn. "I was never the summer camp type. My parents didn't get it."
Winn's eyes widened and she laughed. "How old were you?"
"I think our last year we were maybe...thirteen? Almost fourteen?" Kelsey calculated. "It's been so long now, I barely remember."
"Thirteen," Isaac clarified. "Because you're three months older than me and that summer, the last day of camp was on your birthday and we ended up passing a flask and puking our guts up on the way home in celebration."
There it was again. The sting. This wasn't some random friend of his. He and Kelsey had history. A pang of guilt ripped through Winn's heart and suddenly, she felt like Taylor should have been there. At least then, she wouldn't have felt like the third wheel.
Wait. Was she seriously feeling like the third wheel on her own date?
Except that Winn knew it was all in her head because Kelsey was perfectly pleasant. She talked mostly to Winn, she didn't even come close to flirting with Isaac and Winn knew she had nothing to worry about--or should she even be worrying at all? After all, Isaac had no obligations to Winn... That was it. This thinking she'd been doing was getting out of hand.
"So tell me about all this beer I'm looking at," Winn said suddenly.
Kelsey's smile brightened and suddenly a beer tasting happened right there on the table. Kelsey's beer lesson went in one ear and out the other. The truth was, they all tasted the same to her. Some more stout than others, but all ultimately the same. She listened long enough to get the opportunity to turn the plastic cups up in hopes of washing her feelings away. This entire week, weekend included, had been a complete emotional whirlwind. She went from storming out on Isaac, to losing her best friend, to forgiving Isaac and feeling good about him, and now back to feeling wary and afraid. This couldn't be healthy. There wasn't enough beer in the world to fix her problems right now.
Out in the parking lot, feeling light headed and slightly buzzed, Winn stopped and tightened her coat around her body. "Ike?" She said. "How come you and Kelsey never turned into anything?"
Isaac stopped in his tracks and turned around. "What? Where is THAT coming from?"
Winn shrugged. "I don't know. I mean, obviously you guys used to have a lot of fun..."
"Yeah, so, we were friends. Friends have fun, that's it."
She looked at him for a moment and then she took a deep breath. "Did you ever hold her hand?"
He stared back at her, trying to read her. Then he shook his head. "No. No, I never held her hand."
"Would you ever want to hold mine?"
"Do you want me to?"
"That wasn't the question. I asked you if YOU wanted to."
"Um, I've--I've held your hand before..."
"I mean for real."
"I--um--I mean, I hope maybe someday we'll get to that point..."
"But not today."
"Winn. You know I need time. And I know you need it, too, we both need time. You know this."
"Then why did you--why didn't I just stay in my seat at dinner?"
Isaac was growing frustrated. "Winn, I don't know. I just--I just don't. All I know is that I don't want to be alone anymore, I really like you, but I need to take it slow." He crossed the pavement and stopped in front of her. "All I do know is--is if--if we decided that this might turn into anything--whenever that may be--that it would be an honor to hold your hand. Okay?"
She searched his eyes and balled her fists up tighter in her coat pockets. "Hm. So hand-holding really is that serious then, huh?"
He nodded. "I feel like it is, yeah."
She nodded back. "Okay, then."
"That's it?"
"That's it."
Winn's mind went a mile a minute as Isaac drove her home. Her heart sank and her stomach churned. It had only been twenty-four hours and she already missed Taylor more than anything. How do you like a person the way she liked Isaac and then miss another the way she missed Taylor? Nothing made sense anymore.
Winn felt like she cried for the entirety of Saturday night. She'd never felt more alone in her entire life. Unlike herself, she slept unusually late on Sunday. By mid-afternoon, she found herself sitting on her porch, wrapped tight in a blanket, a cup of caffeinated hot tea in her hands as she looked out at the lake under the white, overcast sky.
Even the chill on her face, which she usually enjoyed, couldn't pull emotion out of her. She felt numb. Empty. She wasn't even sure where her sense of meaning had disappeared to. All she felt was the void.
She wasn't sure how Isaac had managed to sneak up on her. She should have heard the leaves crunching under his feet as he approached. However, she glanced over and spied him standing just at the bottom of the short steps of her porch, his hands shoved in the pockets of the black hoodie he wore with his blue jeans. He gazed out at the lake and said, "You know, it occurred to me that I've never actually been out here before."
"You're missing out," she replied flatly.
"I see that."
"Why are you here? I was going to call you."
"Because I'm not a mind-reader. And I don't believe in miracles."
In spite of herself, a smirk crossed her lips.
He turned around and smirked back at her then turned back to the view. "So. Not gonna send me away?"
Winn shook her head. "No."
Finally, he climbed the steps and pulled a chair in front of her and sat in it, leaning forward, his elbows resting on his knees. "Look," he said to her. "I've been a wreck all weekend. You gotta believe how sorry--"
She held her hand up and shook her head. "You don't have to apologize."
"Yes, I do--"
"No. You don't. Really. I was wrong. What you did for me was--beyond. It was SO thoughtful and generous. And I think the shock allowed me to react without thinking. I shouldn't have been so rude to you. I humiliated you and I berated you and I was wrong."
Isaac looked confused. "Um, I don't know what to say..."
"I'm a horrible person, Ike. I'm a horrible, unfair person. You shouldn't be nice to me."
"Winn--that's not true. Where is that coming from?"
"Do you feel like I'm stringing you along? Is that what I do? Do I string people along?"
Isaac sat back in his chair and studied her suspiciously "You were out with Tay last night..."
"Yeah, and then I came home."
"And?"
"And all hell broke loose. Out of nowhere. It's like--I can't make either one of you happy. I can't keep friends because I just keep screwing it up."
He looked at her, concern and curiosity in his eyes. "What I want to know is, how does a night full of kids and lights turn into this right here?"
She looked up from her tea. "How did you know--?"
He raised an eyebrow. "Seriously?"
Winn sighed. "I don't know. Everything was fun last night. Kids were adorable. Then he brought me home and--and we fought and it was bad and I told him I didn't want to see him again."
Isaac's eyes widened in surprise. "Was it that bad?"
"It was pretty bad."
"What did he say?"
She searched his face for a moment. Then she asked, "Ike? Am I your type?"
----------------------------------------------------------
Isaac shifted uncomfortably in his chair. "Was your fight last night about me?"
Winn looked in his eyes for a moment and then her face fell and she nodded. Then she looked back up at him. "Am I? Your type, I mean."
"What did he say?"
"He says I'm not."
"And what do you think?"
"I don't believe in types," she said quietly. Then she grew restless. "But--but I thought we were friends? Friends are supposed to be happy for each other, right?"
The more she talked, the angrier Isaac grew and he fought to keep his composure. "Generally, yes."
"I don't think he understands us," she continued quietly. "I don't think he gets it."
"It's not for anyone else to get."
"I don't think I even get it sometimes. But I like you. I've enjoyed getting to know you. You've surprised me in a lot of ways. And that's my business. You know?"
"Did he, by chance, tell you WHY he was upset?"
She shook her head. "It didn't even come to that. And it doesn't even matter now. He said some hateful, unforgivable things. He's not the person I thought he was, Ike."
"Well, when you put someone up on a pedestal like that--"
Her eyes shot into his. "I didn't put him up on anything. He has faults just like you and me."
"And now you can't handle it when he shows them."
"Ike, he brought up my fiancée! He challenged my integrity and nearly implied that my fiancée's cheating on me was MY fault! Of COURSE I can't handle that!"
And now Isaac was fuming. "I will," he said. "I'll handle it. I'll handle it right now--"
"No," she said abruptly. "That's the other thing I've been thinking about. The two of you seem to have some issues with each other. I don't know what they are and it's none of my business. But whatever is going on, I'm beginning to feel caught in the middle. And that's not fair." Then she sighed, muttering, "Though at this moment I'm not sure I'm in the middle of anything anymore."
Isaac sat back in his chair, fighting to ignore the cold air that surrounded them, and he looked at the redhead across from him, long and hard. Her hair piled on top of her head, wrapped up in her thick blanket, and gripping her mug, he'd never seen her look more frail. Or more vulnerable. She'd apparently had a rough night. And a rough morning. And though it was growing seemingly obvious that he had been the subject of her rough night and morning, he was only the subject by proxy. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that it wasn't necessarily Taylor's convicting words against him that were the problem, but the fact that she had fought with Taylor at all that was the issue. That was exactly what this was. Maybe she didn't realize it. Maybe she thought all this time she was defending Isaac. But the reality was, what she was actually doing, was mourning Taylor.
The thought made Isaac absolutely sick to his stomach. He loved his brother. He knew that what he was doing, pursuing Winn, was wrong. But he couldn't deny his own feelings as well. Winn was good for him. He liked himself when she was around. His eyes were more open lately. Damned if he didn't think she inspired him a little. You couldn't just let someone like that get away. Especially when she seemed to be a bit enamored with you herself.
Finally, he asked her, "Winn. What do YOU want?"
She had been staring off into space when he'd brought her back to reality. "Huh?"
"What do you want?"
"I want everything to be the same again. I want it to be easy. I want--I want to laugh and have coffee with him and talk about stupid stuff like cereal and bubble lights. I want to go out with you and like you and not have to feel--I dunno, awkward about it."
"Awkward?"
"Well it's painfully obvious that Tay has an aversion to the fact that I like you."
"It's not really his business--"
"But I don't get it. Is it because--because you're his brother? Is that awkward for him?"
Isaac shook his head. "No."
"I don't think opposite sex friendships work."
"We're friends, aren't we? I mean, we're not in a committed relationship. Right?"
"Yeah..."
"And that works for us."
"Until we have our occasional freak outs..."
"You mean YOUR occasional freak outs," he pointed out.
For the first time since he came over, they both smiled. "And the sex is pretty great," she muttered sheepishly. "You know, the one time..."
Isaac chuckled. "Didn't realize you expected it to be an every day thing."
And then she laughed. A genuine laugh and that made Isaac smile. It didn't matter what the subject was, as long as he made her laugh. "Considering the circumstances, I expected to have to fight you off every five seconds."
"Come on, I'm not that bad."
And then her expression softened and she shook her head. "No. You're not."
He smiled and he leaned forward in his chair, removing the now-cold mug from her hands and pulling her chair against him. "But I can be," he flirted, inching his face closer to hers. "If you want me to be."
She bit her lip and she smiled as her eyes searched his. Then she stood up, her huge blanket still wrapped around her, maneuvered underneath it for a moment, and discarded her pants, along with her underwear, on the porch beside her. Isaac grinned. "WHAT are you doing?"
"Doing something I've never done before." In only her t-shirt and her socks, she slid her knees onto his lap and wrapped her blanket around the both of them. His excitement was instantaneous and he wasted no time kissing her.
Her fists gripped the blanket as her arms wrapped around his neck, leaving his hands to explore her soft skin that she kept hidden away from the outside world. The fact that they were outside nearly exposed and only he was allowed to have what was under the blanket was a notion that turned him on immensely.
Unable to help himself, he broke their blanket barrier in order to pull her shirt up over her head. As he discarded it onto the porch next to the chair and pulled the blanket back around them, covering her up, the next words out of his mouth startled even him, as he was never one to really care too much in the heat of the moment. "Is that okay? Are you too cold?"
She shook her head and smiled. "No. I like the cold. And besides, I'm pretty warm right this second."
In one swift motion, he slid his hand underneath her and smiled seductively. "That, you are."
She kissed him eagerly, a whimper escaping her throat as he slid his fingers inside her. After a minute or two of the insanity taking him over at her breathing in his ear, he longed to replace his fingers inside her, when she suddenly whispered, "I bet it's even hotter in my shower."
Isaac raised his eyebrows at the suggestion and it took nothing for him to agree to it. The only drawback to taking the party from the porch to the shower was it gave him time to think while heading from point A to point B. Watching Winn waddle around in her blanket as she led him to the bathroom would have been cute had his mind not gone where it had gone. The last time he'd had sex with her, a week ago this day, she'd just come back from her company party after an apparent fight with Taylor. And now, here they were, about to have sex again after a fight with Taylor. Isaac tried to ignore the pattern, and the inevitable. However, he had already decided that he wasn't giving this up without a fight. Taylor could count on it.
The shower was hot, literally and figuratively. He was intoxicated by her scent that surrounded him, the shampoos that she used, the decadent scents of vanilla and mint that were in the various holiday-themed body washes that sat on the shower rack. Her hair had barely gotten wet before he had his hands on her. He couldn't help it. He tangled his fingers into the back of her hair as he pinned her to the side wall and took her from behind, the shower water spraying on them both. The echo of her cries was hot enough as it was and then she started biting her lip as the other side of her face pressed against the wall with the rest of her body.
Feeling momentarily merciful, he turned her around and wrapped one of her legs around his waist. Between the warmth of her and the warmth of the shower water, it didn't take him long to come and then he slid his fingers inside her to finish her off. He smiled as he held her up for a few seconds as she giggled in embarrassment and when she was able to come down from her sexual high and hold herself up, she giggled and she kissed him.
"You're right," he smiled between kisses. "It's so much hotter in here."
"Good idea, huh?" She replied, smiling coyly.
"I like how you have a little crazy in you. Keeps me on my toes."
"You know what's really crazy?"
"What?" He answered, brushing his lips against hers.
She lowered her voice. "That I'm about to wash my hair in front of you."
He laughed and then he stopped when he thought about it. "Wait. Have you--you've never showered with anyone before?"
She shook her head.
"How long were you and your fiancée together?"
"Four years."
"And you never showered together?"
She shook her head again. "No. He wasn't very...I dunno, imaginative, I guess. I've only ever had sex in the bedroom."
His eyes widened and he stepped back to let her have the water to run over her hair. He couldn't help his curiosity. "Seriously? You've never even hit the basics? The couch, the backseat of a car...you've seriously never had sex outside the bedroom?"
She shook her head as she ran her hands through her hair. "Nope."
"Was he your first?"
"No."
"So how many other losers have you slept with?"
Now it was Winn's turn to laugh. "The wrong ones, apparently."
"So--so how are you so...I mean, you're so--"
"Well I wasn't a virgin, Ike. Just because we kept it in the bedroom doesn't mean we didn't make it interesting. Trust me, honey, I'm so limber I've probably been in positions that would make you blush."
"So..." he said, calculating. "In a sense, I HAVE deflowered you..."
"You're reading too much into this," she laughed as she ran the conditioner through her hair. "You got me in the shower. It was hot. Let's move on."
"Your next line had better not be 'I've had better.' "
She slid her arms around his neck and pecked his lips. "It isn't, I promise. But you're kinda--you know, making me feel like...I dunno..."
"Inferior?"
"Maybe."
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to."
"It's okay. Let me rinse my hair before we run out of hot water and I'll get out of the way. I've never actually let the water run long enough to see how good my water heater is..."
As they dried off and he dressed himself, he watched Winn walk around the bedroom and put her clothes on, piece by piece. He knew he probably should have waited in the living room and allowed a little mystery there, but he couldn't help himself. There was some part of him that couldn't bear to tear his eyes away from her. He was afraid of how quickly she might disappear if he did.
"So, listen, you wanna go to dinner?" He asked. He pulled out his cell phone. "It's still early, I can probably get us a reservation..."
She crossed the room in her underwear and the sweater she had just pulled over her head. She slid her arms around his neck and brushed his nose. "Forgive me for being a little clingy today. But I figure, yanno, since we're doing all these wild and crazy things today--" she rolled her eyes toward the bathroom and smiled. "You know what would be REALLY wild and crazy? If you ditched that idea for whatever stuffy restaurant you have in mind and take me to a dive for some really good pizza."
He furrowed his brow in surprise. "Are you serious?"
"Ike," she said matter-of-factly. "I wear Batman bras and my body wash smells like gingerbread. Come on."
He shoved his phone back in his pocket and slid his arm around her waist, pulling her in tighter. "I can do that."
She smiled. "Good."
"Give me, like, twenty minutes to run home and change."
Then she frowned. "Change?"
"I look like a bum."
"No, you don't. You look like you. You look perfect."
As much as the sentiment warmed his heart, he knew better. "I really need to go home and change if we're going out."
"Please don't come back in a stuffy suit."
He scoffed. "Stuffy suit? I feel like every time I'm in one you can't keep your hands off me. Why would I want to ruin a good thing?"
"Because you're sexier in jeans," she grinned.
"Fine," he said, defeated. Then he snuck a peck back on her lips and pulled away, heading for the door. "Give me twenty. I'll be right back."
"In jeans," she called behind him.
"Jeans," he called as he went out the door. "Got it!"
Isaac smiled and shook his head as he got in his vehicle. That woman would be the death of him yet.
--------------------------------------------------------------
As promised, Isaac returned in nearly twenty minutes, in jeans and a black button-down shirt. It wasn't a t-shirt or a sweater, but she hadn't specified and he looked hot anyway, so she decided she would take it. At least he looked comfortable.
And he smelled amazing.
"Did you shower again?"
"No--"
"I mean, it's okay if you did. It's not like I have any manly scents in my shower..."
He chuckled warmly. "I didn't shower again, I swear. It's the aftershave. I'm kinda starting to like this stuff..."
"Me, too," she said, unable to resist the urge to kiss his cheek. It was so obvious that he'd run the razor over his face when he went home. Winn smiled. "Why won't you ever tell me what it's called?"
"What?"
"Well, I've commented on it a few times and you never will tell me what it's called."
"You wanna know the honest truth?"
"Of course I do."
"It's because I can't pronounce it."
Winn had to giggle. "What?"
He blushed and ran a hand through his hair. "Yeah. I kinda just smelled through them until I found one I liked and then just bought it. The store was out of my usual..."
She took a step back from him and looked him over, her grin widening. "Oh my god...that is such a typical male thing to do..."
"Uh, well, I am male...last time I checked..."
"Well, yeah, but...you're just so...meticulous about everything. There isn't a thing out of place in your apartment, your car is immaculate, you can name off every single upscale restaurant and club in Tulsa, INCLUDING business hours and the owners' names, memorize, what, hundreds of songs and play them to perfection, but yet you don't even know the name of your own after shave..."
"Uh, okay...are you finished cutting me down--?"
"I'm not cutting you down, I find that sexy as hell."
Confusion took over his entire expression. "What?"
"Yeah. It means you're not perfect. I think you try to be perfect--it's like you work so hard to be perfect on the outside so that no one can see your imperfections on the inside, but honestly, Ike, it's your imperfections that make you perfect."
Isaac was speechless but Winn meant every word that she said. She wasn't sure when it happened. Maybe it was his grand gesture at the club that did it for her, but she was starting to respect him. And the truth was, he had done quite a bit in the past week to earn it. She really felt like she was finally starting to get to know the real him, underneath the suit jackets and the expensive whiskey and his Casanova reputation. She felt lucky for it.
When they walked out the door to leave, Winn stopped dead in her tracks, confused. She tucked her hair behind her ear and she stared hard at Isaac's vehicle. "Uh, Ike? Where's the Mustang?"
"Traded it," he beamed. "For this bad boy right here. That's what I was doing today before I came over."
"So you bought an Escalade..."
"Well...I mean you seemed kinda weird about the Mustang, so..."
Winn's eyes widened. Surely he wasn't implying what she thought he was implying...
He looked at her face and then quickly added, "I was kinda sick of that thing anyway, it was time for a change."
"That's quite a change..."
"It is," he said, shoving his hands in his pockets proudly. "But it feels good. It was time."
She looked at him and it hit her. This was symbolism. Maybe he didn't realize it, but it was painfully obvious to her. He was making an effort. Just a week ago, he had pulled up in his Mustang, dressed in a suit, flashing around large amounts of cash in the VIP room of a club to try to impress her. Now he stood before her in a pair of jeans and a completely different, more mild vehicle. And they were about to go for pizza. She found herself smiling. She was proud of him and he was obviously proud of himself.
He looked over at her and he furrowed his brow. "You okay?"
"I see you," she smiled.
"What?"
"I see you."
His eyes darted around, confused. "Uh, okay..."
Then she smiled as he opened the passenger door and helped her inside the vehicle.
****************
When they pulled up to Kel's Pizza and Pub, located at the tail end of a small shopping center, Winn smiled. She had requested a dive and Isaac had delivered. "Is it rude to call a place a dive?" Winn asked as she and Isaac walked inside the restaurant.
"Nah," he said. "Some places wear it proudly. I know Kelsey does. She prefers it that way."
"Kelsey?"
"Yeah, Kelsey Kennedy. She's the owner."
"Oh," she said quietly.
He pulled her close to him and leaned in her ear. "I know what you're thinking. I've never done anything with her."
"Is she a lesbian?"
Isaac laughed for a second and then shook his head. "No. But she's an old family friend, so. No funny business with her."
Winn couldn't help herself. She knew it was that stigma he carried around. The one he was obviously growing a little tired of. She knew that any mention of any female he knew, platonic or not, would make her feel uneasy. She knew it shouldn't. She didn't understand why she felt anything at all. She and Isaac were merely friends--with benefits, apparently. Except that she was just now getting to the point where she was really
starting to like who he was--only to be plagued by one nagging feeling after the other. Why didn't she feel like she was allowed to feel freely anymore?
They ordered pizza and beer. Winn reminded Isaac that she wasn't a beer-drinker and he decided to make it his duty to turn her into one. She couldn't help but be reminded of the time she and Taylor ended up at the Chamber of Commerce dinner together after she'd just met him. She'd told him she wasn't a beer-drinker and he had been convinced that would change. She just assumed that her first beer in Tulsa would be with him. Against her better judgment, she had assumed a lot of her firsts in Tulsa would be with him. She'd been wrong, the same way she'd been wrong about him. Her heart suddenly felt heavy.
She didn't realize she'd grown quiet until it came time to order and Isaac had to bring her back to reality. Upon ordering, it was obvious that she and Isaac had very different tastes in toppings. They ended up ordering half and half, his loaded with mostly meat, hers loaded with mostly vegetables. As they waited on their order, Isaac looked across the table and said, "Hey. Why don't you come sit over here with me?"
She grinned. "But I can see you just fine right here."
"But you're closer to me here," he argued.
She couldn't argue with that. She wasn't sure what it was. She didn't know if maybe she was just desperate to feel something or if she really was into him that much, but she left her own seat and slid into the booth next to him. He slid his arm around her waist and smiled. "That's better."
After a few minutes, they were talking and laughing and Winn was feeling a little more at ease. Isaac had begun showing small displays of affection, which was something he'd never actually done in public before. Again, she tried to read into it and then decided not to. Reading into things made things difficult. She should just do like Isaac suggested before, and just go with the flow and see where things went. She had to admit, she felt a bond with him that day. She couldn't explain it, but it was the first time she'd felt anything like it.
Dinner was fun and the pizza was excellent. When Isaac let loose and he wasn't busy trying to impress her or seduce her, he was a hilarious person. Winn couldn't remember the last time she'd laughed so much and to laugh the way she did felt so good.
The beer was tolerable. "I have to be conceited and make you try ours first," he said. "What kind of businessman would I be if I took you for beer and didn't buy you an Mmmhops?"
"Except you're not buying me one. I'm buying you one." Then she smiled. "Dinner's on me tonight."
"No," he said, shaking his head and wiping his mouth with his napkin. "No, the man always pays."
"Not tonight."
"Always."
"No."
"Are we gonna fight about this?"
"Not if you give it up."
"Winn, I can't let you--"
"Damn, Ike, just let me buy you dinner. Why is that so hard?"
He turned up his beer and then he shrugged sheepishly. "Nobody's ever really offered..."
This bothered her. There were several things she had noticed that he'd mentioned nobody's ever done or nobody's ever said. Did people really use him as much as it seemed? And had he just sat back and allowed it all to happen to him over the years? It broke Winn's heart to think so.
"Well I'm offering," she said. "And I'm doing it. Because I want to. Ike, you gotta--you gotta let someone take care of you once in awhile."
He shook his head and turned up his beer again. "Trust me, nobody wants to take care of Tulsa's Most Eligible Bachelor. Hell, I brought it on myself, you know? I know that. Nobody trusts me. They just--I don't really wanna talk about it. I thought we were having fun?"
"We are," she said gently. "I just--I worry. You know?"
"You don't have to worry about me. I promise."
"Don't let people walk all over you anymore," she said quietly.
He looked over at her and furrowed his brow. "What are you--I don't--I don't let people walk all over me."
She searched his eyes and nodded, choosing to drop the subject. "Okay." They were silent for a moment before she turned to look at him again. "Ike?"
His elbows resting on the table, the wheels obviously turning in his head now, he looked at her. "Yeah?"
"You're a good person. And I care about you. And--and I don't know where we're going. Or if we'll last, or if we'll even have a future together. But no matter what happens between us, no matter the outcome, if you never take ANYTHING else away from the time you spent with me, take that. You ARE a good person and I DO care about you. Okay?"
He let his beer hang from his hand as he stared back into her eyes. "Where did you come from?"
She smiled warmly. "Just a small town in Texas."
He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close, resting his cheek on her head in a small hug. Winn had been enjoying the moment when they were interrupted by a cheerful voice and a large tray full of plastic cups of beer. "Well, then," the girl said as she sat down in the booth across from them while the waitress behind her cleared the table. Winn quickly pulled herself away from Isaac. "Little birdie told me that someone sitting in my establishment is a beer virgin. Would that be correct?"
Shyly, Winn tucked her hair behind her ear and smiled. "Yeah...I, uh, I've never really been much into it."
"It's an acquired taste," the woman said. Then she reached across the table. "Forgive me for being rude. I'm Kelsey Kennedy, I own this joint."
Winn reached across and shook her hand. "Winnie Douglas," she said. "Call me Winn. Ike says you're a family friend, it's good to meet you."
Kelsey smiled. She was pretty. A brunette with shoulder-length layers and a bright smile. There was comfort in her eyes. And confidence And the confidence was what made her not just pretty, but beautiful. Winn liked her immediately, despite the intrusion.
"He'd be right," Kelsey said as she turned her attention to him. "Gotta admit, I'm kinda surprised to see you in my establishment."
Winn couldn't stop the words from flowing from her mouth as she looked at Isaac. "Oh god, Ike, what did you do?"
Kelsey laughed and Isaac blushed. "He didn't do anything," Kelsey assured her. "It's just been quite awhile since we've seen him around these parts. He used to be a regular."
"I've been watching my girlish figure," he said, raising his beer and turning it up. Then he nodded toward the tray. "What's going on here?"
"Well, Leslie overheard your conversation when she was taking your order. And I figured if anyone's gonna learn anything about beer, then they need the right man to teach them. And here I am."
Isaac scoffed. "You think I couldn't do it?"
"Come on, Ike," Kelsey smirked. "You're still nursing the first one you ordered."
"I'm savoring it. There's a difference."
Kelsey looked at Winn. "This guy wouldn't know how to savor a beer if his life depended on it," she said in a loud whisper.
"Well I am today," Isaac replied. "Times, they are a' changin' Kels."
Winn's heart sunk just a little bit, to her surprise. She hadn't expected that. But to hear Isaac refer to what was obviously a common nickname for Kelsey stung her just a little bit. Making an effort to keep her spirits up, Winn smiled and looked between the two of them. "So, how long have you guys known each other?"
"Long enough," Kelsey said. "Back when we were teenagers, before the whole MMMBop thing--"
"Heh, MMMBop thing," Isaac scoffed and muttered.
"Anyway," Kelsey chuckled, "Our parents are friends. Have been for years. And over the summer our parents used to send us to summer camp. We rode the bus together and then when they split up the boys' and girls' camps we used to communicate. Our last year there we used to sneak off into the woods after hours and drink whatever alcohol we could get our hands on."
"Staying drunk was the only way I could get through camp," Isaac said. He looked at Winn. "I was never the summer camp type. My parents didn't get it."
Winn's eyes widened and she laughed. "How old were you?"
"I think our last year we were maybe...thirteen? Almost fourteen?" Kelsey calculated. "It's been so long now, I barely remember."
"Thirteen," Isaac clarified. "Because you're three months older than me and that summer, the last day of camp was on your birthday and we ended up passing a flask and puking our guts up on the way home in celebration."
There it was again. The sting. This wasn't some random friend of his. He and Kelsey had history. A pang of guilt ripped through Winn's heart and suddenly, she felt like Taylor should have been there. At least then, she wouldn't have felt like the third wheel.
Wait. Was she seriously feeling like the third wheel on her own date?
Except that Winn knew it was all in her head because Kelsey was perfectly pleasant. She talked mostly to Winn, she didn't even come close to flirting with Isaac and Winn knew she had nothing to worry about--or should she even be worrying at all? After all, Isaac had no obligations to Winn... That was it. This thinking she'd been doing was getting out of hand.
"So tell me about all this beer I'm looking at," Winn said suddenly.
Kelsey's smile brightened and suddenly a beer tasting happened right there on the table. Kelsey's beer lesson went in one ear and out the other. The truth was, they all tasted the same to her. Some more stout than others, but all ultimately the same. She listened long enough to get the opportunity to turn the plastic cups up in hopes of washing her feelings away. This entire week, weekend included, had been a complete emotional whirlwind. She went from storming out on Isaac, to losing her best friend, to forgiving Isaac and feeling good about him, and now back to feeling wary and afraid. This couldn't be healthy. There wasn't enough beer in the world to fix her problems right now.
Out in the parking lot, feeling light headed and slightly buzzed, Winn stopped and tightened her coat around her body. "Ike?" She said. "How come you and Kelsey never turned into anything?"
Isaac stopped in his tracks and turned around. "What? Where is THAT coming from?"
Winn shrugged. "I don't know. I mean, obviously you guys used to have a lot of fun..."
"Yeah, so, we were friends. Friends have fun, that's it."
She looked at him for a moment and then she took a deep breath. "Did you ever hold her hand?"
He stared back at her, trying to read her. Then he shook his head. "No. No, I never held her hand."
"Would you ever want to hold mine?"
"Do you want me to?"
"That wasn't the question. I asked you if YOU wanted to."
"Um, I've--I've held your hand before..."
"I mean for real."
"I--um--I mean, I hope maybe someday we'll get to that point..."
"But not today."
"Winn. You know I need time. And I know you need it, too, we both need time. You know this."
"Then why did you--why didn't I just stay in my seat at dinner?"
Isaac was growing frustrated. "Winn, I don't know. I just--I just don't. All I know is that I don't want to be alone anymore, I really like you, but I need to take it slow." He crossed the pavement and stopped in front of her. "All I do know is--is if--if we decided that this might turn into anything--whenever that may be--that it would be an honor to hold your hand. Okay?"
She searched his eyes and balled her fists up tighter in her coat pockets. "Hm. So hand-holding really is that serious then, huh?"
He nodded. "I feel like it is, yeah."
She nodded back. "Okay, then."
"That's it?"
"That's it."
Winn's mind went a mile a minute as Isaac drove her home. Her heart sank and her stomach churned. It had only been twenty-four hours and she already missed Taylor more than anything. How do you like a person the way she liked Isaac and then miss another the way she missed Taylor? Nothing made sense anymore.