THE GREAT HAND-HOLDING DEBATE
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"Sometimes you meet someone, and it's so clear that the two of you, on some level, belong together. As lovers, or as friends, or as family, or as something entirely different. You just work, whether you understand one another or you're in love or you're partners in crime. You meet these people throughout your life, out of nowhere, under the strangest circumstances, and they help you feel alive. I don't know if that makes me believe in coincidence, or fate, or sheer blind luck, but it definitely makes me believe in something." --Unknown
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Winn sat on her couch, staring mindlessly at the TV. She just didn't know which way was up anymore. She was so confused. Isaac's feelings and emotions were more all over the place than she thought they were. But the lies. He was still keeping on with the lies. And maybe he didn't realize it, but if she were to exercise her due diligence in this situation, she should be turning in her resignation tomorrow.
She should call him. She picked up her phone and sat there. No. No, the incident was still fresh. Against her will, her body still ached for him, but her mind? Well, that just needed a little extra time.
Instead, she found herself texting Taylor before she realized what she was doing. "Hey," she texted.
"Hey, stranger."
She smirked into her phone. "Is it that bad?"
"Haven't seen or heard much from you since Monday."
"I'm sorry. I've been busy."
"With Ike?"
She looked at her phone, surprisingly perturbed. "Some."
"Surprise surprise."
She scowled at her phone again. It was apparent that he and his brother weren't getting along lately, but couldn't they keep it to themselves? "Anyway, I might have a little more free time on my hands since I'm pretty sure I ruined things with him."
It was a minute or two before he texted back. "YOU ruined things?"
"Yeah. He did something nice for me. I took it the wrong way and I chewed him out and walked out on him."
"What did he do?"
"Not important. I feel like an asshole."
"Have you talked to him?"
"No. It literally just happened a couple of hours ago."
"He hasn't called you?"
"No."
"I would have called you."
"Right. The way you called me after our little incident?"
"That burns."
"Would you call me after I've walked out on you? Seriously?"
It was another minute before he replied again. "Yes."
"You're no help."
"Not sure what you want me to say."
"You don't have to say anything. Just glad you're there."
"You want me to be THERE? Because I could come over."
Winn smiled at her phone, her heart warming. Having Taylor over WOULD cheer her up some. But the truth was, she just really needed a break. She needed to be alone. She'd had enough Hanson for one night.
"It's getting late," she texted. "I'm really tired and tomorrow is Friday. Busy day."
"Too late. I'm pulling in your driveway and I brought takeout."
Winn dropped her phone on her couch and turned around, her eyes wide as she looked through her blinds behind her. She couldn't help herself, the way her heart skipped a beat and her face lit up at the notion of his arrival. In spite of herself, she met him at the door. She smiled as she let him in and breathed in the bags in his hands. "You know, if things had gone differently tonight, I wouldn't be home, and then what would you do with all that food?"
"Leftovers?" He guessed as he walked to her kitchen.
She closed the door and locked it behind him, following him to the kitchen. There was an instant calm in the atmosphere in her house. "So what exactly am I eating at this time of the night?"
"Some very questionable Chinese..."
She scoffed as he unloaded the bags. "Questionable? Should I be afraid?"
"We'll be afraid together," he smiled. "It's a new place, I haven't tried it yet."
They sat next to each other on her couch, eating their takeout from the Styrofoam containers they came in as they laughed and talked. Winn ended up telling him what Isaac had actually done, not necessarily going into any detail. She didn't feel it was necessary. Her version of the story was they'd stayed at the bar and he showed up to look out for her. Taylor seemed to buy it and she was able to get on with the point of her story.
By the time they'd finished eating, they sat back on the couch, stuffed and happy. "I just can't seem to get away from you guys," she observed.
"Should I have not come?"
"Well...I mean I kinda wanted to be alone tonight. Take a break. But then you showed up and--well, I'm glad you're here. I'm always glad to see you. You're a sight for sore eyes."
"You say that a lot," he observed.
She shrugged. "Well, it's true. I mean, you're my best friend, aren't you supposed to be?"
"I guess that makes sense."
She scoffed at him in disbelief. "You guess?"
The next morning, before sunrise, Winn woke up curled up on her couch with her legs draped all over Taylor's. His head resting on the opposite end, he was sound asleep. Winn sighed and collapsed onto the throw pillow she rested her head on. She'd had way too many Hanson brothers over for sleepovers lately...
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When Winn stepped out of her house Saturday afternoon, bundled up in her scarves and her knitted cap with the pompom on top, Taylor's heart melted at how adorable she was. "Don't laugh at the hat," she said as she hopped into his truck. "I happen to like it."
"I wasn't gonna say a word," he said as he put the truck in reverse and began to back out. "I think it's cute."
She glanced at the small backseat and she turned toward Taylor. "You sure you don't wanna take my car? There's more room..."
"There's plenty of room back there," he objected. "They ride back there all the time. Well, Shep usually rides in the front with me..."
She raised her eyebrows at him expectantly.
"What? They'll be fine," he said. "Don't worry."
Twenty minutes later, they could hear the madhouse inside Zac and Kate's two-story home from outside the door. "I promise you, they behave for me," Taylor said to Winn as he reached for the door knob. "They know better."
The second they walked through the door, kids came running at Taylor. "Uncle Tay!" Shepherd ran to meet him with Abe barely toddling behind him.
Junia, on the other hand, made a beeline for Winn. "Winnie!" She squealed as she grabbed her by the hand.
Winn's eyes widened in surprise and Taylor smiled at her. "Hey, now. You don't want to see me?"
Junia's eyes darted from Winn to Taylor in thought before she finally let go of Winn's hand and allowed her uncle to pick her up and hug her. Quickly, she asked to be let down. "What's the rush?" Taylor chuckled.
"She looks like my Barbie," she said in a loud whisper. "I want her to see."
"Uh, okay," he said as he let her down.
Immediately she grabbed Winn's hand again. "Come on, I'll show you my room. I'll show you my favorite Barbie. You look JUST like her!"
"Let's see..." Winn calculated dramatically. "I bet her name is...Midge?"
Junia's eyes stared back at her in wide-eyed wonder. "You know my Barbies?"
"I had all kinds of Barbies when I was a little girl."
Excitedly, Junia dragged Winn through the living room and up the stairs.
Taylor, Zac, and Kate all looked at each other, wide-eyed. "She's been obsessed with her ever since she saw her at Thanksgiving," Kate said. "I'll just, uh, I'll just...yeah..." And with that, she made herself scarce.
As Zac and Taylor found themselves alone in Zac's living room, Zac shoved his hands in his pockets and shifted his weight. "So. You and Winn...taking the kids out..."
"It's really not a big deal," Taylor replied. "Subject came up and she wanted to tag along, so, you know, why not?"
Zac nodded his head in response. "Sure. Sure..." And then he sighed, exasperated. "Tay, you GOTTA tell her!"
"We've been over this. Nothing to tell. Nothing's changed--"
"Come on, Tay. This is stupid and you know it."
"It doesn't matter what I know--"
"Look, tonight would be perfect for it. Walking under the stars together, looking at beautiful lights, a little Christmas magic in the air..."
"Your three rugrats running around..."
"You're killing me, Tay."
"I just--I need time. You know? I just--I can't really figure out how she feels..."
"You might never know until you say something first. You just never know."
"I just need time..."
"I don't think that's something you have much of--"
Their conversation was interrupted by the brood entering the living room, this time returning bundled up in their jackets and mittens. Within minutes their parents were kissing their children 'bye' and Zac was handing Taylor the child seats for his backseat. "Look, there's something you need to be aware of about Junie. She's kind of gotten in the habit of calling Wi--" He was cut off when Kate reminded Zac of the time and they started to pick up the pace to get out of there themselves.
In the truck, getting the kids buckled in was a feat in its own. Abe was already showing signs of crankiness and Shepherd was complaining of having to sit in the middle between his younger siblings. As Taylor and Winn got in and began to buckle up, Taylor looked in the rearview and offered, "You can share the seat with Winn up here. I'm sure she won't mind."
"No thanks," he huffed as he crossed his arms and pouted.
"I will!" Junia said excitedly as she already started to unbuckle herself and stand in her seat. "I'll sit up front and Shep can sit in my seat!"
Winn looked over at Taylor. "Uh...I'm not sure she can sit in the front seat yet," he said.
"It's okay," Winn said simply. "I'll squeeze her next to me and we'll share the seatbelt. No biggie."
"But if we get pulled--"
"Tay. Look at us. You're Taylor Hanson, I'm a flaming redhead, and we have a truck full of kids. We can get out of a ticket."
He couldn't help but smile and shake his head. "Okay. Okay, fine. Come on up here, Junie."
He didn't even have to say it. She was already climbing into the front seat. Keeping her dress under control was a different story. As Winn fought the dress to buckle her in, Junia constantly tried to smooth it back out. Once settled, Winn said to her, "Sweetie, are you sure you're going to be comfortable in that?" She referred to her long, layered dress, her white tights, and her black patent leather Mary Janes. "We're going to be walking around outside, I'd hate for you to get cold or for your feet to hurt..."
"It's okay," her tiny voice said. "I'm going on a date with my Uncle Tay tonight so I have to look pretty."
Taylor smiled in shock and the look on Winn's face was priceless. It was obvious that she had just melted into a million puddles.
Then Junia whispered loudly to Winn, "Besides, my mommy made me wear two pairs of tights."
As Winn grinned uncontrollably, obviously impressed with his little niece, Taylor shook his head and pulled out of Zac's driveway.
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The Christmas town was quaint. It was small, but it was perfect for strolling and sight-seeing. Watching Winn's face was almost as good as watching the kids' faces. Taylor loved the way she saw life. Everything around her was an adventure and something she could find joy in. When joy found her, it was a completely different type of beautiful. Making her happy was something he could definitely live for.
The group walked in silence for a moment, the only sound they could hear was the tiny pitter-patter of Junia's patent-leather shoes against the sidewalk as she walked between Taylor and Winn, her hand in Winn's. Finally, her tiny voice cut through the night air amidst the glow of the Christmas lights. "Uncle Tay? How come you don't hold Aunt Winnie's hand?"
Taylor wanted to die. Right after he choked on his own saliva. "Uh, Aunt Winnie?"
Shepherd, who was walking a couple of steps in front of them, turned around and rolled his eyes. "She's been calling her that since Thanksgiving."
"Well because she IS," Junia objected to her brother.
"No she ISN'T," he retorted back.
Taylor and Winn looked at each other, wide-eyed. This was news to both of them. Taylor had absolutely no idea what to say. "Um, I don't think--"
"They can call me whatever they want," Winn said. "I mean, whatever makes them feel comfortable."
"Winn, I'm not sure if--"
"I'm not going anywhere anytime soon."
This shut Taylor's mouth. He didn't know if this was her way of pulling something out of her ass during an awkward situation or what, but he decided to say no more on the subject. As they walked in silence a moment longer, the subject seemingly forgotten, Junia's tiny voice once again broke through. "So why don't you hold her hand, Uncle Tay?"
Before Taylor could answer, Shep turned around again and rolled his eyes. "Because she's a GIRL. Nobody wants to hold hands with a girl."
"Well Aunt Winnie does."
"That's because Winn's a girl, too."
"Well--but Daddy holds Mommy's hand all the time."
"Yeah, because they're MARRIED. So they HAVE to. But I bet he hates it."
"Nuh-uh!" Junia objected, shaking her little head. "That's not true!"
"It is so," Shep retorted. "You see how Uncle Tay is carrying Abe and Winn is holding YOUR hand? Boys don't want to hold hands with girls."
As they walked, Junia's face fell. Then she looked up at Taylor, her eyes wide with sorrow. "Uncle Tay? Don't you want to hold my hand?"
His heart melted on impact, amidst the bitter chill in the air, and he smiled down at his niece. "Of course I want to hold your hand," he said, reaching out for her other hand and taking it in his. "I will always want to hold your hand."
Each of her hands taken, Junia proceeded to prove her point. "See?" She said to Shep as he turned around and rolled his eyes, yet again. "Uncle Tay is holding MY hand. So boys DO want to hold hands with girls." Then she scrunched up her nose and stuck her tongue out at her older brother.
Shep turned around to walk backward and shook his head. "He's only doing it because you're a BABY and you can't walk by yourself."
"I'm not a baby!" She objected. "I'm a little girl!"
"Uh-uh, you're a baby!" And then, suddenly, he tripped on a twig in the sidewalk and landed on his backside, his face startled.
"Ha ha!" Junia chided him. "I bet if you were holding hands with Aunt Winnie--A GIRL--that wouldn't have happened."
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"She's right," Taylor's voice suddenly cut in, stern and authoritative. Even Winn paid attention. "Now brush yourself off and go over there and take hold of Winn's free hand. It's about to get crowded up there anyway."
In spite of herself, Winn couldn't take her eyes off of Taylor tonight. Watching him with his niece and nephews was the most adorable thing she had ever seen. They obviously adored him and he adored them just as much. And, now, watching him immediately take charge did something to her. It struck a chord. Maybe she was caught up in the moment with the Christmas lights and the kids and the entire atmosphere, but she looked at him and her future started to flash before her eyes. She felt a mix of comfort and fear, warmth and terror. She immediately shifted her attention to Shepherd, desperate for a distraction.
Shep dejectedly stood and brushed off his pants. "But Uncle Tay, I'm eight years old..."
As they started to walk again, Taylor interjected, "I don't care if you're eighteen. Now your sister had a point, if you were holding Winn's hand, you probably wouldn't have tripped. It's dark out here, you gotta be more careful."
"Yeah, right," Shep muttered as he kicked a rock.
Suddenly, Taylor stopped walking, which caused Winn and Junia to stop in their tracks as well. "Winn, take Abe for a minute, will you? My nephew and I need to have a little talk."
Winn's eyes widened as Abe came her way and Taylor took Shep by the shoulder and led him several steps ahead of them. Abe was heavy and Winn looked down at Junia as Junia looked back up at her. "He can walk a little bit if you hold his hand," Junia said, matter-of-factly. "Mommy lets him walk sometimes, but not too much. She has trouble carrying him." She turned her head and let out a little five-year-old sigh. "We should have brought the stroller."
Winn had to smile. This child was well beyond her years and every bit as adorable for it.
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Taylor let his hand rest on Shepherd's shoulder as they walked several feet ahead of the females and Abe. "Shep, man, you gotta ease up on this girl-hating stuff," he said to him.
"Why? Girls are gross."
"Well--maybe you think so now, but you won't for long. I mean, your dad obviously doesn't think your mom is gross."
"They're married. Of course he doesn't think she's gross now."
"Do you think he would have married her if he thought she was gross before?"
Shep hung his head and shook it. "No."
"You know, when I was your age, I had two or three girlfriends on the playground."
"You did?"
"Yep. I didn't think girls were gross then."
"But you do now."
Taylor narrowed his eyes at the boy and smiled in disbelief at his observation. "No, I don't. What on Earth would give you that idea?"
"Because you never answered Junie's question. She asked you why you didn't hold Winn's hand and you never answered it. But I know why."
Taylor cut his eyes down at his nephew. "Why?" He asked, suspiciously.
"You're too nice. You don't want to tell Winn she's gross to her face."
Taylor chuckled and shook his head. "That's not--no, I don't think she's gross. I think--I think she's very nice."
"You want to hold her hand, don't you?"
Damn kids... "Well, uh, if she wanted to hold my hand, I probably wouldn't say no..."
"Do you think she's pretty?"
Taylor's heart pounded. "I thought we were talking about you?"
"I thought we were talking man to man?"
Taylor laughed. "Whoa! Listen to you, big man on campus!"
"Well?" Shep pressed. "Do you?"
Taylor sighed. "I, uh, yeah. Yeah, I think she's very pretty. Do you?"
Shep shrugged. "I guess a little. For a girl."
"Would it be so bad if you held her hand?" Taylor asked him.
Shep smiled up at Taylor. "Back to me again, huh?"
"Yep."
Shep sighed. "No. I mean, I guess not..."
"Girls aren't as gross as you say they are, are they?"
"No," Shep said guiltily.
Taylor smiled. "You have a girlfriend, don't you?"
"Don't tell my mom," he said. "She'll act all...funny about it. She'll want to know her name and stuff."
Taylor smiled and tousled his nephew's hair. "Your secret's safe with me."
Shep looked up at Taylor. "So when are you and Winn getting married?"
Now Taylor wanted to wring his neck.
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After filling the kids full of burgers and fries, Taylor and Winn returned them home safely to their parents, who had just barely beat them there. Taylor carried a sleeping Abe inside and put him to bed while Junia was insistent that Winn read her a bedtime story. It was a special treat when Shepherd hugged Winn without being told to do so. Taylor's heart warmed at the gesture.
While Winn was upstairs with Kate and Junia, Taylor glared at Zac. "Aunt Winnie, Zac? Seriously?"
"Hey, I tried to tell you. We've been working really hard to correct it but she's so insistent--"
"Winn looked like a damn deer in headlights. And I probably did, too."
"Look, I understand that it makes her uncomfortable. I said we were trying--"
"No, see, that's just it! She just played it off, like it was nothing. Said they could call her whatever made them feel comfortable. What the hell's gonna happen when Ike screws her over for the last time?"
Zac narrowed his eyes at Taylor. "What are you talking about?"
"Apparently he screwed up again. They haven't spoken since Thursday--"
"This is your CHANCE!"
"It is NOT my chance. I think she might still be upset about it. I don't know. But one of these days, she's not going to be 'Aunt Winnie' anymore and those kids, especially Junia, will be devastated."
Zac shoved his hands in his pockets and shifted his weight uncomfortably. "Tay, are you saying you're giving up?"
Taylor was caught off guard. "What?"
"You said one of these days she's not going to be Aunt Winnie anymore. But they've never seen her with Ike. Only you. They know her as Aunt Winnie because of YOU. Not because of him."
The point Zac made made Taylor weak at the knees and he lowered himself onto the arm of the couch he stood next to. Finally, he looked up at his younger brother, helpless. "That explains the hand-holding stuff..." he said under his breath. Then he said out loud, "I just don't know how to go about this. I don't know how to go about--about risking our friendship AND risking my relationship with my brother. Don't you see everything I have to lose here? This is what I'm dealing with."
Zac looked like he'd just been punched in the gut. "Uh, wow. I guess I didn't quite think of it like that..."
"I think about that shit every damn day, Zac. It's not like I'm trying to, like, LET Ike HAVE her. I just don't know what else to do."
"Damn, Tay..."
"I know."
At that moment, Kate and Winn entered the room again and Taylor could hardly look at Winn. He was afraid that if he did, she would be able to read his and Zac's conversation all over his face. He'd never felt more exposed in his life.
In the truck a short while later, they were buckling up and Winn was smiling. "Those kids are amazing. They're a trip and a half. Especially Junia--that little girl has so much spunk."
"She adores you," Taylor smiled.
"I think she's just precious."
"She definitely has her own ideas about the way life works. How about her and Shep going back and forth with that hand-holding stuff?"
He caught Winn side-glancing at him quickly. "I think hand-holding is different for kids than it is for adults."
He studied her for a moment. "No it isn't." As her eyes widened, he put the truck in reverse and began to back out. "I like to believe that children are very intuitive individuals," he said. "They see and catch a lot of things that adults don't--very honest things. Real things. It's amazing how they can do that. You know?"
He thought he could actually hear Winn swallow. It took a moment before she replied. "Well, uh, you know they say that animals and children can see ghosts and stuff..."
So random. So painfully desperate. Taylor could only shake his head.
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Taylor walked Winn to her door and stepped inside her house. It was so cute how she immediately went for the tree and plugged it in and then hung her coat in the closet by her computer desk. "So, you, uh, you think you might wanna hang out tomorrow?" Taylor asked her. "I mean, it's Sunday, you're off work..."
She crossed the room and stood in front of him, seemingly uneasy. "Um, I, uh, I really need to try to talk to Ike tomorrow," she said. "I think we need to try to work out...whatever it is that needs working out. You know?"
"So that's it, then," he said quietly.
"What's it?"
"After tonight, after all the things--after--I mean, you're just gonna go right back to him. Just like that."
"After...what? After--what does THAT mean?"
And, finally, Taylor got angry. "I just--I dunno, I'm sorry, but I can't just sit here idly by anymore and watch you go through this over and over again."
"Go through what? Who said it was your obligation to sit idly by and watch anything?"
"I just--I know my brother. I know how he is. I know he's not--he doesn't--you're just not his type."
Winn's face reddened. He knew he should stop while he was ahead but he just couldn't. "You know, not too long ago you were the one sitting there trying to convince me what a good guy he is. And now you're going back on it? Unbelievable. He's your brother, how could you be so cruel?"
He ran a hand through his hair and scoffed a laugh in disbelief. "How could you be so blind?"
"Blind to WHAT--?"
"How do you not see it?"
"See WHAT? I'll tell you what I DO see. Ike is a good man. Everybody gives him a bad rap and dumps all this shit on him all the time, but who's really taken the opportunity to get to know the real him? Huh? I have. And I like him. All he needs is a chance. He wants to change, he WANTS to be a better person--"
"Please. That's such a crock of bullshit, I can't believe YOU'RE even falling for it."
"That's probably the most horrible thing I've ever heard come out of your mouth. But you're wrong. You know that? You are completely wrong, you DON'T know what you're talking about. You don't see the sides of him that I see. You don't see where he's sweet and he's attentive--"
"OF COURSE he's sweet and attentive, Winn! That's how he got in your pants in the first place!"
Her mouth dropped open in disbelief. Then she clamped it shut and then opened it again. "You have no idea what you're talking about. And you would never understand. But I am an EXCELLENT judge of character and--"
"Really, Winn? You're such an excellent judge of character that your fiancée felt the need to cheat on you? THAT'S how excellent a judge you are? You sure know how to pick 'em, don't you? You really do."
It was in that very moment that he knew he'd taken it too far. There was no going back now, as much as he regretted every syllable that had just come out of his mouth. He braced himself for the impact.
Her eyes darkened and she gritted her teeth. "Get out."
His eyes widened in surprise. He expected a comeback, not this. "What?"
She began to walk toward him as he backed up toward the door. "I said get out. I don't want you here anymore. You know, I always thought you were such a great person and I always wondered why you were single. Now I see it. Now I know why. Because you're a selfish, closed-minded jerk. But you're right. Maybe I AM a bad judge of character. Because, apparently, I misjudged YOU. Now, please. GET OUT."
"Winn, come on. Don't do this--"
"I thought you were my friend?"
"I am. I just--I didn't mean--"
"Get out now. Right now. Get out."
"I'm sorry--"
"LEAVE! GET OUT! HOW MANY OTHER WAYS DO I HAVE TO SPELL IT OUT? DON'T SHOW YOUR FACE HERE AGAIN!"
The tears were welling up in her eyes as she fought them back, shoving him out the door and slamming it in his face. His ears barely had time to get over the impact before he heard her heart-wrenching sobs from the other side of the door. His own eyes teared up and he fought the lump in his own throat. "Winn!" He called weakly, the side of his fist pounding once against the door. "Open the door. Please..."
But he knew she wouldn't. She wouldn't open the door. Not for him. Not anymore.
***The ages of the children are purposely altered for this story.
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"Sometimes you meet someone, and it's so clear that the two of you, on some level, belong together. As lovers, or as friends, or as family, or as something entirely different. You just work, whether you understand one another or you're in love or you're partners in crime. You meet these people throughout your life, out of nowhere, under the strangest circumstances, and they help you feel alive. I don't know if that makes me believe in coincidence, or fate, or sheer blind luck, but it definitely makes me believe in something." --Unknown
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Winn sat on her couch, staring mindlessly at the TV. She just didn't know which way was up anymore. She was so confused. Isaac's feelings and emotions were more all over the place than she thought they were. But the lies. He was still keeping on with the lies. And maybe he didn't realize it, but if she were to exercise her due diligence in this situation, she should be turning in her resignation tomorrow.
She should call him. She picked up her phone and sat there. No. No, the incident was still fresh. Against her will, her body still ached for him, but her mind? Well, that just needed a little extra time.
Instead, she found herself texting Taylor before she realized what she was doing. "Hey," she texted.
"Hey, stranger."
She smirked into her phone. "Is it that bad?"
"Haven't seen or heard much from you since Monday."
"I'm sorry. I've been busy."
"With Ike?"
She looked at her phone, surprisingly perturbed. "Some."
"Surprise surprise."
She scowled at her phone again. It was apparent that he and his brother weren't getting along lately, but couldn't they keep it to themselves? "Anyway, I might have a little more free time on my hands since I'm pretty sure I ruined things with him."
It was a minute or two before he texted back. "YOU ruined things?"
"Yeah. He did something nice for me. I took it the wrong way and I chewed him out and walked out on him."
"What did he do?"
"Not important. I feel like an asshole."
"Have you talked to him?"
"No. It literally just happened a couple of hours ago."
"He hasn't called you?"
"No."
"I would have called you."
"Right. The way you called me after our little incident?"
"That burns."
"Would you call me after I've walked out on you? Seriously?"
It was another minute before he replied again. "Yes."
"You're no help."
"Not sure what you want me to say."
"You don't have to say anything. Just glad you're there."
"You want me to be THERE? Because I could come over."
Winn smiled at her phone, her heart warming. Having Taylor over WOULD cheer her up some. But the truth was, she just really needed a break. She needed to be alone. She'd had enough Hanson for one night.
"It's getting late," she texted. "I'm really tired and tomorrow is Friday. Busy day."
"Too late. I'm pulling in your driveway and I brought takeout."
Winn dropped her phone on her couch and turned around, her eyes wide as she looked through her blinds behind her. She couldn't help herself, the way her heart skipped a beat and her face lit up at the notion of his arrival. In spite of herself, she met him at the door. She smiled as she let him in and breathed in the bags in his hands. "You know, if things had gone differently tonight, I wouldn't be home, and then what would you do with all that food?"
"Leftovers?" He guessed as he walked to her kitchen.
She closed the door and locked it behind him, following him to the kitchen. There was an instant calm in the atmosphere in her house. "So what exactly am I eating at this time of the night?"
"Some very questionable Chinese..."
She scoffed as he unloaded the bags. "Questionable? Should I be afraid?"
"We'll be afraid together," he smiled. "It's a new place, I haven't tried it yet."
They sat next to each other on her couch, eating their takeout from the Styrofoam containers they came in as they laughed and talked. Winn ended up telling him what Isaac had actually done, not necessarily going into any detail. She didn't feel it was necessary. Her version of the story was they'd stayed at the bar and he showed up to look out for her. Taylor seemed to buy it and she was able to get on with the point of her story.
By the time they'd finished eating, they sat back on the couch, stuffed and happy. "I just can't seem to get away from you guys," she observed.
"Should I have not come?"
"Well...I mean I kinda wanted to be alone tonight. Take a break. But then you showed up and--well, I'm glad you're here. I'm always glad to see you. You're a sight for sore eyes."
"You say that a lot," he observed.
She shrugged. "Well, it's true. I mean, you're my best friend, aren't you supposed to be?"
"I guess that makes sense."
She scoffed at him in disbelief. "You guess?"
The next morning, before sunrise, Winn woke up curled up on her couch with her legs draped all over Taylor's. His head resting on the opposite end, he was sound asleep. Winn sighed and collapsed onto the throw pillow she rested her head on. She'd had way too many Hanson brothers over for sleepovers lately...
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When Winn stepped out of her house Saturday afternoon, bundled up in her scarves and her knitted cap with the pompom on top, Taylor's heart melted at how adorable she was. "Don't laugh at the hat," she said as she hopped into his truck. "I happen to like it."
"I wasn't gonna say a word," he said as he put the truck in reverse and began to back out. "I think it's cute."
She glanced at the small backseat and she turned toward Taylor. "You sure you don't wanna take my car? There's more room..."
"There's plenty of room back there," he objected. "They ride back there all the time. Well, Shep usually rides in the front with me..."
She raised her eyebrows at him expectantly.
"What? They'll be fine," he said. "Don't worry."
Twenty minutes later, they could hear the madhouse inside Zac and Kate's two-story home from outside the door. "I promise you, they behave for me," Taylor said to Winn as he reached for the door knob. "They know better."
The second they walked through the door, kids came running at Taylor. "Uncle Tay!" Shepherd ran to meet him with Abe barely toddling behind him.
Junia, on the other hand, made a beeline for Winn. "Winnie!" She squealed as she grabbed her by the hand.
Winn's eyes widened in surprise and Taylor smiled at her. "Hey, now. You don't want to see me?"
Junia's eyes darted from Winn to Taylor in thought before she finally let go of Winn's hand and allowed her uncle to pick her up and hug her. Quickly, she asked to be let down. "What's the rush?" Taylor chuckled.
"She looks like my Barbie," she said in a loud whisper. "I want her to see."
"Uh, okay," he said as he let her down.
Immediately she grabbed Winn's hand again. "Come on, I'll show you my room. I'll show you my favorite Barbie. You look JUST like her!"
"Let's see..." Winn calculated dramatically. "I bet her name is...Midge?"
Junia's eyes stared back at her in wide-eyed wonder. "You know my Barbies?"
"I had all kinds of Barbies when I was a little girl."
Excitedly, Junia dragged Winn through the living room and up the stairs.
Taylor, Zac, and Kate all looked at each other, wide-eyed. "She's been obsessed with her ever since she saw her at Thanksgiving," Kate said. "I'll just, uh, I'll just...yeah..." And with that, she made herself scarce.
As Zac and Taylor found themselves alone in Zac's living room, Zac shoved his hands in his pockets and shifted his weight. "So. You and Winn...taking the kids out..."
"It's really not a big deal," Taylor replied. "Subject came up and she wanted to tag along, so, you know, why not?"
Zac nodded his head in response. "Sure. Sure..." And then he sighed, exasperated. "Tay, you GOTTA tell her!"
"We've been over this. Nothing to tell. Nothing's changed--"
"Come on, Tay. This is stupid and you know it."
"It doesn't matter what I know--"
"Look, tonight would be perfect for it. Walking under the stars together, looking at beautiful lights, a little Christmas magic in the air..."
"Your three rugrats running around..."
"You're killing me, Tay."
"I just--I need time. You know? I just--I can't really figure out how she feels..."
"You might never know until you say something first. You just never know."
"I just need time..."
"I don't think that's something you have much of--"
Their conversation was interrupted by the brood entering the living room, this time returning bundled up in their jackets and mittens. Within minutes their parents were kissing their children 'bye' and Zac was handing Taylor the child seats for his backseat. "Look, there's something you need to be aware of about Junie. She's kind of gotten in the habit of calling Wi--" He was cut off when Kate reminded Zac of the time and they started to pick up the pace to get out of there themselves.
In the truck, getting the kids buckled in was a feat in its own. Abe was already showing signs of crankiness and Shepherd was complaining of having to sit in the middle between his younger siblings. As Taylor and Winn got in and began to buckle up, Taylor looked in the rearview and offered, "You can share the seat with Winn up here. I'm sure she won't mind."
"No thanks," he huffed as he crossed his arms and pouted.
"I will!" Junia said excitedly as she already started to unbuckle herself and stand in her seat. "I'll sit up front and Shep can sit in my seat!"
Winn looked over at Taylor. "Uh...I'm not sure she can sit in the front seat yet," he said.
"It's okay," Winn said simply. "I'll squeeze her next to me and we'll share the seatbelt. No biggie."
"But if we get pulled--"
"Tay. Look at us. You're Taylor Hanson, I'm a flaming redhead, and we have a truck full of kids. We can get out of a ticket."
He couldn't help but smile and shake his head. "Okay. Okay, fine. Come on up here, Junie."
He didn't even have to say it. She was already climbing into the front seat. Keeping her dress under control was a different story. As Winn fought the dress to buckle her in, Junia constantly tried to smooth it back out. Once settled, Winn said to her, "Sweetie, are you sure you're going to be comfortable in that?" She referred to her long, layered dress, her white tights, and her black patent leather Mary Janes. "We're going to be walking around outside, I'd hate for you to get cold or for your feet to hurt..."
"It's okay," her tiny voice said. "I'm going on a date with my Uncle Tay tonight so I have to look pretty."
Taylor smiled in shock and the look on Winn's face was priceless. It was obvious that she had just melted into a million puddles.
Then Junia whispered loudly to Winn, "Besides, my mommy made me wear two pairs of tights."
As Winn grinned uncontrollably, obviously impressed with his little niece, Taylor shook his head and pulled out of Zac's driveway.
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The Christmas town was quaint. It was small, but it was perfect for strolling and sight-seeing. Watching Winn's face was almost as good as watching the kids' faces. Taylor loved the way she saw life. Everything around her was an adventure and something she could find joy in. When joy found her, it was a completely different type of beautiful. Making her happy was something he could definitely live for.
The group walked in silence for a moment, the only sound they could hear was the tiny pitter-patter of Junia's patent-leather shoes against the sidewalk as she walked between Taylor and Winn, her hand in Winn's. Finally, her tiny voice cut through the night air amidst the glow of the Christmas lights. "Uncle Tay? How come you don't hold Aunt Winnie's hand?"
Taylor wanted to die. Right after he choked on his own saliva. "Uh, Aunt Winnie?"
Shepherd, who was walking a couple of steps in front of them, turned around and rolled his eyes. "She's been calling her that since Thanksgiving."
"Well because she IS," Junia objected to her brother.
"No she ISN'T," he retorted back.
Taylor and Winn looked at each other, wide-eyed. This was news to both of them. Taylor had absolutely no idea what to say. "Um, I don't think--"
"They can call me whatever they want," Winn said. "I mean, whatever makes them feel comfortable."
"Winn, I'm not sure if--"
"I'm not going anywhere anytime soon."
This shut Taylor's mouth. He didn't know if this was her way of pulling something out of her ass during an awkward situation or what, but he decided to say no more on the subject. As they walked in silence a moment longer, the subject seemingly forgotten, Junia's tiny voice once again broke through. "So why don't you hold her hand, Uncle Tay?"
Before Taylor could answer, Shep turned around again and rolled his eyes. "Because she's a GIRL. Nobody wants to hold hands with a girl."
"Well Aunt Winnie does."
"That's because Winn's a girl, too."
"Well--but Daddy holds Mommy's hand all the time."
"Yeah, because they're MARRIED. So they HAVE to. But I bet he hates it."
"Nuh-uh!" Junia objected, shaking her little head. "That's not true!"
"It is so," Shep retorted. "You see how Uncle Tay is carrying Abe and Winn is holding YOUR hand? Boys don't want to hold hands with girls."
As they walked, Junia's face fell. Then she looked up at Taylor, her eyes wide with sorrow. "Uncle Tay? Don't you want to hold my hand?"
His heart melted on impact, amidst the bitter chill in the air, and he smiled down at his niece. "Of course I want to hold your hand," he said, reaching out for her other hand and taking it in his. "I will always want to hold your hand."
Each of her hands taken, Junia proceeded to prove her point. "See?" She said to Shep as he turned around and rolled his eyes, yet again. "Uncle Tay is holding MY hand. So boys DO want to hold hands with girls." Then she scrunched up her nose and stuck her tongue out at her older brother.
Shep turned around to walk backward and shook his head. "He's only doing it because you're a BABY and you can't walk by yourself."
"I'm not a baby!" She objected. "I'm a little girl!"
"Uh-uh, you're a baby!" And then, suddenly, he tripped on a twig in the sidewalk and landed on his backside, his face startled.
"Ha ha!" Junia chided him. "I bet if you were holding hands with Aunt Winnie--A GIRL--that wouldn't have happened."
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"She's right," Taylor's voice suddenly cut in, stern and authoritative. Even Winn paid attention. "Now brush yourself off and go over there and take hold of Winn's free hand. It's about to get crowded up there anyway."
In spite of herself, Winn couldn't take her eyes off of Taylor tonight. Watching him with his niece and nephews was the most adorable thing she had ever seen. They obviously adored him and he adored them just as much. And, now, watching him immediately take charge did something to her. It struck a chord. Maybe she was caught up in the moment with the Christmas lights and the kids and the entire atmosphere, but she looked at him and her future started to flash before her eyes. She felt a mix of comfort and fear, warmth and terror. She immediately shifted her attention to Shepherd, desperate for a distraction.
Shep dejectedly stood and brushed off his pants. "But Uncle Tay, I'm eight years old..."
As they started to walk again, Taylor interjected, "I don't care if you're eighteen. Now your sister had a point, if you were holding Winn's hand, you probably wouldn't have tripped. It's dark out here, you gotta be more careful."
"Yeah, right," Shep muttered as he kicked a rock.
Suddenly, Taylor stopped walking, which caused Winn and Junia to stop in their tracks as well. "Winn, take Abe for a minute, will you? My nephew and I need to have a little talk."
Winn's eyes widened as Abe came her way and Taylor took Shep by the shoulder and led him several steps ahead of them. Abe was heavy and Winn looked down at Junia as Junia looked back up at her. "He can walk a little bit if you hold his hand," Junia said, matter-of-factly. "Mommy lets him walk sometimes, but not too much. She has trouble carrying him." She turned her head and let out a little five-year-old sigh. "We should have brought the stroller."
Winn had to smile. This child was well beyond her years and every bit as adorable for it.
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Taylor let his hand rest on Shepherd's shoulder as they walked several feet ahead of the females and Abe. "Shep, man, you gotta ease up on this girl-hating stuff," he said to him.
"Why? Girls are gross."
"Well--maybe you think so now, but you won't for long. I mean, your dad obviously doesn't think your mom is gross."
"They're married. Of course he doesn't think she's gross now."
"Do you think he would have married her if he thought she was gross before?"
Shep hung his head and shook it. "No."
"You know, when I was your age, I had two or three girlfriends on the playground."
"You did?"
"Yep. I didn't think girls were gross then."
"But you do now."
Taylor narrowed his eyes at the boy and smiled in disbelief at his observation. "No, I don't. What on Earth would give you that idea?"
"Because you never answered Junie's question. She asked you why you didn't hold Winn's hand and you never answered it. But I know why."
Taylor cut his eyes down at his nephew. "Why?" He asked, suspiciously.
"You're too nice. You don't want to tell Winn she's gross to her face."
Taylor chuckled and shook his head. "That's not--no, I don't think she's gross. I think--I think she's very nice."
"You want to hold her hand, don't you?"
Damn kids... "Well, uh, if she wanted to hold my hand, I probably wouldn't say no..."
"Do you think she's pretty?"
Taylor's heart pounded. "I thought we were talking about you?"
"I thought we were talking man to man?"
Taylor laughed. "Whoa! Listen to you, big man on campus!"
"Well?" Shep pressed. "Do you?"
Taylor sighed. "I, uh, yeah. Yeah, I think she's very pretty. Do you?"
Shep shrugged. "I guess a little. For a girl."
"Would it be so bad if you held her hand?" Taylor asked him.
Shep smiled up at Taylor. "Back to me again, huh?"
"Yep."
Shep sighed. "No. I mean, I guess not..."
"Girls aren't as gross as you say they are, are they?"
"No," Shep said guiltily.
Taylor smiled. "You have a girlfriend, don't you?"
"Don't tell my mom," he said. "She'll act all...funny about it. She'll want to know her name and stuff."
Taylor smiled and tousled his nephew's hair. "Your secret's safe with me."
Shep looked up at Taylor. "So when are you and Winn getting married?"
Now Taylor wanted to wring his neck.
*******************
After filling the kids full of burgers and fries, Taylor and Winn returned them home safely to their parents, who had just barely beat them there. Taylor carried a sleeping Abe inside and put him to bed while Junia was insistent that Winn read her a bedtime story. It was a special treat when Shepherd hugged Winn without being told to do so. Taylor's heart warmed at the gesture.
While Winn was upstairs with Kate and Junia, Taylor glared at Zac. "Aunt Winnie, Zac? Seriously?"
"Hey, I tried to tell you. We've been working really hard to correct it but she's so insistent--"
"Winn looked like a damn deer in headlights. And I probably did, too."
"Look, I understand that it makes her uncomfortable. I said we were trying--"
"No, see, that's just it! She just played it off, like it was nothing. Said they could call her whatever made them feel comfortable. What the hell's gonna happen when Ike screws her over for the last time?"
Zac narrowed his eyes at Taylor. "What are you talking about?"
"Apparently he screwed up again. They haven't spoken since Thursday--"
"This is your CHANCE!"
"It is NOT my chance. I think she might still be upset about it. I don't know. But one of these days, she's not going to be 'Aunt Winnie' anymore and those kids, especially Junia, will be devastated."
Zac shoved his hands in his pockets and shifted his weight uncomfortably. "Tay, are you saying you're giving up?"
Taylor was caught off guard. "What?"
"You said one of these days she's not going to be Aunt Winnie anymore. But they've never seen her with Ike. Only you. They know her as Aunt Winnie because of YOU. Not because of him."
The point Zac made made Taylor weak at the knees and he lowered himself onto the arm of the couch he stood next to. Finally, he looked up at his younger brother, helpless. "That explains the hand-holding stuff..." he said under his breath. Then he said out loud, "I just don't know how to go about this. I don't know how to go about--about risking our friendship AND risking my relationship with my brother. Don't you see everything I have to lose here? This is what I'm dealing with."
Zac looked like he'd just been punched in the gut. "Uh, wow. I guess I didn't quite think of it like that..."
"I think about that shit every damn day, Zac. It's not like I'm trying to, like, LET Ike HAVE her. I just don't know what else to do."
"Damn, Tay..."
"I know."
At that moment, Kate and Winn entered the room again and Taylor could hardly look at Winn. He was afraid that if he did, she would be able to read his and Zac's conversation all over his face. He'd never felt more exposed in his life.
In the truck a short while later, they were buckling up and Winn was smiling. "Those kids are amazing. They're a trip and a half. Especially Junia--that little girl has so much spunk."
"She adores you," Taylor smiled.
"I think she's just precious."
"She definitely has her own ideas about the way life works. How about her and Shep going back and forth with that hand-holding stuff?"
He caught Winn side-glancing at him quickly. "I think hand-holding is different for kids than it is for adults."
He studied her for a moment. "No it isn't." As her eyes widened, he put the truck in reverse and began to back out. "I like to believe that children are very intuitive individuals," he said. "They see and catch a lot of things that adults don't--very honest things. Real things. It's amazing how they can do that. You know?"
He thought he could actually hear Winn swallow. It took a moment before she replied. "Well, uh, you know they say that animals and children can see ghosts and stuff..."
So random. So painfully desperate. Taylor could only shake his head.
*******************
Taylor walked Winn to her door and stepped inside her house. It was so cute how she immediately went for the tree and plugged it in and then hung her coat in the closet by her computer desk. "So, you, uh, you think you might wanna hang out tomorrow?" Taylor asked her. "I mean, it's Sunday, you're off work..."
She crossed the room and stood in front of him, seemingly uneasy. "Um, I, uh, I really need to try to talk to Ike tomorrow," she said. "I think we need to try to work out...whatever it is that needs working out. You know?"
"So that's it, then," he said quietly.
"What's it?"
"After tonight, after all the things--after--I mean, you're just gonna go right back to him. Just like that."
"After...what? After--what does THAT mean?"
And, finally, Taylor got angry. "I just--I dunno, I'm sorry, but I can't just sit here idly by anymore and watch you go through this over and over again."
"Go through what? Who said it was your obligation to sit idly by and watch anything?"
"I just--I know my brother. I know how he is. I know he's not--he doesn't--you're just not his type."
Winn's face reddened. He knew he should stop while he was ahead but he just couldn't. "You know, not too long ago you were the one sitting there trying to convince me what a good guy he is. And now you're going back on it? Unbelievable. He's your brother, how could you be so cruel?"
He ran a hand through his hair and scoffed a laugh in disbelief. "How could you be so blind?"
"Blind to WHAT--?"
"How do you not see it?"
"See WHAT? I'll tell you what I DO see. Ike is a good man. Everybody gives him a bad rap and dumps all this shit on him all the time, but who's really taken the opportunity to get to know the real him? Huh? I have. And I like him. All he needs is a chance. He wants to change, he WANTS to be a better person--"
"Please. That's such a crock of bullshit, I can't believe YOU'RE even falling for it."
"That's probably the most horrible thing I've ever heard come out of your mouth. But you're wrong. You know that? You are completely wrong, you DON'T know what you're talking about. You don't see the sides of him that I see. You don't see where he's sweet and he's attentive--"
"OF COURSE he's sweet and attentive, Winn! That's how he got in your pants in the first place!"
Her mouth dropped open in disbelief. Then she clamped it shut and then opened it again. "You have no idea what you're talking about. And you would never understand. But I am an EXCELLENT judge of character and--"
"Really, Winn? You're such an excellent judge of character that your fiancée felt the need to cheat on you? THAT'S how excellent a judge you are? You sure know how to pick 'em, don't you? You really do."
It was in that very moment that he knew he'd taken it too far. There was no going back now, as much as he regretted every syllable that had just come out of his mouth. He braced himself for the impact.
Her eyes darkened and she gritted her teeth. "Get out."
His eyes widened in surprise. He expected a comeback, not this. "What?"
She began to walk toward him as he backed up toward the door. "I said get out. I don't want you here anymore. You know, I always thought you were such a great person and I always wondered why you were single. Now I see it. Now I know why. Because you're a selfish, closed-minded jerk. But you're right. Maybe I AM a bad judge of character. Because, apparently, I misjudged YOU. Now, please. GET OUT."
"Winn, come on. Don't do this--"
"I thought you were my friend?"
"I am. I just--I didn't mean--"
"Get out now. Right now. Get out."
"I'm sorry--"
"LEAVE! GET OUT! HOW MANY OTHER WAYS DO I HAVE TO SPELL IT OUT? DON'T SHOW YOUR FACE HERE AGAIN!"
The tears were welling up in her eyes as she fought them back, shoving him out the door and slamming it in his face. His ears barely had time to get over the impact before he heard her heart-wrenching sobs from the other side of the door. His own eyes teared up and he fought the lump in his own throat. "Winn!" He called weakly, the side of his fist pounding once against the door. "Open the door. Please..."
But he knew she wouldn't. She wouldn't open the door. Not for him. Not anymore.
***The ages of the children are purposely altered for this story.