USE ME UP
Isaac spent the weekend brooding. He was never one to brood. Never one to hole himself up in his apartment. Never one to not respond to any of his buddies when invited out for drinks. He'd had dinner at Zac's house Saturday night and that was a welcome distraction for a few hours. But once he'd left, he was still alone with his thoughts, still brooding.
In a random, temporary fit of rage at whatever time on Sunday, he didn't know, he tore the black satin sheets off of his bed and stuffed them in the garbage can. He then raped his linen closet and took everything that was satin out of there, comforters and pillowcases included, and tossed them all as well. Then he found himself out of linens to fit the king bed, so then he had to go out. Brooding was more hassle than it was worth.
He didn't know why he didn't get rid of it all sooner. He was tired of the satin anyway. Tired of what they represented--the playboy nature of his exploits, the constant wining and dining and the impressing of women he didn't even care to know...and now the only one he really wanted, wanted nothing to do with the sheets and now he could only think about how she was practically traumatized by them. Satin sheets carried around a stigma. And it wasn't a good one anymore.
Now he lay in bed, alone, in his brand new, white cotton sheets with his brand new white pillowcases and his brand new white down comforter. He didn't want black anymore. He was tired of it. Black depressed him. And he quite enjoyed sleeping in his white guest bed, granted it was better when Winn shared it with him. But he enjoyed it nonetheless and he decided that maybe making a seemingly positive change in his bedroom might help his mood.
It didn't.
And so he lay in bed, in the dark, earlier than his normal time, brooding over Winn's impromptu overnight trip with his brother. The trip HE was supposed to have been on. This could have been it, this could have been his weekend. And then he blew it. And that gave Taylor more than ample opportunity to make his move and it was highly likely that he did. His brother couldn't be THAT stupid.
So when his cell phone rang just after ten-thirty, and he saw that it was Winn, he found himself in total shock. Hesitantly, he answered. "Winn? Hey..."
"Hey," she said quietly.
"I'm, uh, I'm glad you called..."
"I missed you," she said in a near whisper.
Isaac sighed, his heart doing that thing again that he didn't like. "Winn, I am so, SO sorry, you HAVE to believe me--"
"I do. I mean, I believe you. Apology accepted."
He furrowed his brow in confusion in the dark. "Uh, really? Just like that?"
"Um, I mean, I can't really blame you for getting freaked out, right? An overnight trip can be a big deal. You know?"
"I really wanted to be there, I swear--"
"It's okay. Really. It's already done and over with."
Isaac didn't know what to think. He kept having to remind himself that she didn't know his real reason for missing the trip and the thought made him sick to his stomach. Maybe he should just tell the truth. Be honest. Tell her about his indiscretion...
And then he remembered Taylor.
"So, uh, how did Tay end up going with you?"
"Oh," she said nonchalantly. "Kind of an accident, really. He happened to be leaving the studio while I was waiting for you. We chatted and he volunteered to tag along. No big deal."
"And you chose not to tell me..."
"I was mad at you, it was none of your business," she spat.
"Fair enough. But you're not mad now..."
"I told you, I had time to think."
"Uh-huh..."
"Goddammit, Ike, if you really want me to be mad at you, I'm sure I can drum up a reason or two."
Isaac eyes widened and he blinked into the darkness. "Well, I'd really rather you didn't..."
Winn sighed on the other end. "Am I not allowed to just miss you? Just--just regular, plain, old miss you?"
"Well--I mean, yeah. Yeah, of course. I missed you this weekend, too. Hey, listen, I know it's late, but do you want to come over?"
And then she sniffed a long sniff. He knew it wasn't allergies and he was immediately concerned. "Hey," he said gently as he sat up in the bed. "Hey, what's going on with you?"
"It's--it's late. I have to work tomorrow." He could hear the tears in her voice.
"I'll come there, then."
"No. No, it's not necessary, I'm fine."
"Come on, I'm only ten minutes up the road."
And then the sobs she fought to suppress came flooding through the phone.
"That's it, I can't sit here and listen to this," he said as he threw back his comforter and stepped out of bed. "I'm coming over."
"Don't," she pleaded. "I'm fine. You don't need to worry yourself with--"
"I already have my shoes on. Make sure your door is unlocked."
"I never lock it..."
Isaac shook his head into the phone.
*************
On his way to Winn's house, Isaac's heart pounded and his palms were sweaty. Was he nervous? Seriously? Of course he was, he'd never done anything like this before. Doing something like this--hell, even answering the phone at all--would imply that he cared. And the kicker was that this time he actually DID.
He amazed himself in the record time he managed to get to her house and was thankful that there were no cops on the road along the way. Her porch light was off and he cursed her under his breath for that. Door unlocked, no porch light, set off in a wooded area by the lake...it was like she was asking for it or something.
He expected her to meet him at the door, so he was surprised when she didn't. When he let himself inside, making sure to turn on the porch light and lock the door behind him, he made his way toward the only light in her small house, which came from her bedroom on the other side of the kitchen.
He peeked in her bedroom and spied Winn sitting cross-legged in the middle of her bed, turning up a bottle of wine under the dim lamp light. She glanced up at him, expressionless. "That was fast."
"Tell me you're not drunk."
"Wish I was."
Isaac removed his coat and draped it over a chair that sat near the bed. Crawling into the bed, he slid in behind her, closed himself around her, and wrapped his arms around her shoulders, taking the bottle from her hand. "I'm not so sure you need this."
"I'm pretty sure I do," she retorted.
He took a swig of it himself before he turned around and sat it on the bedside table next to them. Wrapping her tighter, he rested his chin on her shoulder. "Talk to me," he said quietly.
"I can't believe you're here."
"Neither can I," he scoffed. "But hearing you cry tore my heart out--kinda reminded me that I have one. So here I am."
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cry on you like that. I tried not to."
"I know."
"It's just--so much stress, so much pressure--I think it just all built up at once..."
"Tell me about it."
"I don't really want to talk about it."
"You can't sit there and let it fester. That only makes things worse. And you're a strong woman, Winn. Breaking isn't your style."
He heard her laugh a little as she sniffed and he smiled. "You really think so?"
"I know so. So come on. Out with it."
Winn sighed as she let her head fall back against his shoulder. "It's just--it's everything. I miss home. I miss my parents. I miss all my old friends. And then this weekend--this weekend the VPO of the state approached me and congratulated me on the office and how it's improving--"
"Well, that's excellent--"
"Except that it's not gonna stay that way. And it's so hard and it's so exhausting to keep it all up. I just--I require instant gratification, you know? In my old office back home, running good numbers was as normal as--as eating or sleeping. You know? And now it's, like, it's taking FOREVER to get to where I need to be. And I know it's not going to happen overnight, it's just such a change to get used to. You have no idea how many nights I come home and just sit and cry and do this very thing right here. The stress is unbearable sometimes."
"Don't do that," he said quietly. "Don't come home and cry alone like that. Call me or--" He swallowed, god help him for his next suggestion-- "call Tay or something."
"Tay isn't speaking to me," she said quietly.
Isaac's eyes widened and his ears perked in spite of himself. "Um, isn't speaking to you?"
"Yeah."
"Um...did, uh, did something happen this weekend?"
"I think I lost my best friend."
"That's--um--surely not, I'm sure you didn't..."
"Yeah. I did. This weekend did NOT go as planned..."
"Well you didn't actually PLAN for him to go at all..."
"That's true."
"So what happened?"
"It just--just didn't go well...it just--it just wasn't a good idea, bringing him along...alcohol got involved..."
Isaac tightened his arms around her and let out a breath. "Yeah, he does tend to get mouthy when he drinks."
"Yeah, let's call it that..."
"Did he embarrass you or something? Did you fight?"
"It was just...bad...I don't really want to rehash it."
"Winn, sometimes...sometimes you learn things about people you thought you'd never expect from them when you go on trips like that...you know?"
"Is that what freaked you out about going?"
Isaac's heart pounded at her suggestion and he hoped she couldn't feel it racing against her back. "Uh, the concept made me nervous, yeah..."
"But I've stayed over with you before. It's the same thing."
Shit.
She continued. "Anyway, I thought taking a trip with Tay would be a piece of cake. I was wrong."
"Winn," he said softly. "You're an incredible woman. Okay? And--and I know he knows that. You wouldn't be friends if you weren't, right?" Then he sighed, not believing himself for saying these things. "Whatever went down between you two couldn't have been SO bad that it's irreparable. Friendships like yours, they don't--they don't just go away. You know? Friendships like yours are made for life. Don't you think?"
"I thought so," she said quietly.
"I know Tay. I really think if you just--I don't know, talk out whatever happened--you'll find that he probably feels the same way. He doesn't want to lose your friendship as much as you don't want to lose his." Isaac's stomach churned with nausea the more he spoke. Unfortunately, he meant every word he said. Saying them, however, was not in his best interest and he knew it.
To his surprise, she turned her head around toward him and smiled. "I'm impressed with you."
He smiled back. "You are?"
"Yeah. I'm glad you're here."
Suddenly, he became painfully aware at how her nails grazed up and down the insides of his thighs as his legs lay bent around her.
"I'm glad I am, too," he said quietly. "Do you feel better?"
"I do, actually. You, uh, you made me feel better. I appreciate it."
"Anytime."
They sat in silence for a moment as her nails continued to graze. Up and down, up and down. Slowly. With a little pressure. With every stroke, he got more and more turned on. "That feels good," he finally had to confess.
"Does it?"
"Yeah."
And then she grazed her nails further behind her back and further up his thighs. He sucked in his breath, letting it out against her neck. Uncontrollably, he leaned down and kissed her neck gently.
She moaned softly. "THAT feels good."
Then he thought about it and he stopped. "I, um, I didn't come here with the intent to mess around. I hope you know that."
"I know."
He swallowed. "I, um, I don't want you to feel taken advantage of. I know you're vulnerable right now and kinda down and I don't want you to--"
"Isaac, do you want to fuck me?"
His eyes widened, completely caught off guard, and he had to hesitate for a moment. "Winn, I've never wanted a woman so bad in my entire life."
Her hands went from grazing to gentle squeezing, getting dangerously close to him. "What if I said I wanted you to fuck me?"
Just hearing her say it like that, in the seductive tone of voice that she used, was enough to make him come right there. "Uh, right now?"
"Are you getting scared? You sound scared," she patronized lightly.
"No," he objected quickly. "I'm just--making sure it's what you want."
"Did you know I'm not wearing any underwear under this shirt?"
Isaac wanted to die. Admittedly, he had no idea that she wasn't. Her shirt was long enough as she sat on the bed that the truth was, he assumed she had on shorts underneath. But now, as it stood, he had never seen nor laid a hand on her from the waist down and the anticipation was doing him in by the second.
Finally, finding the words, he brushed the rest of her hair off of her neck and out of his way and breathed in her ear, "Do you always walk around your house half naked like this?"
"I actually took them off while you were on your way over."
That was it. Isaac was a dead man. And he was taking Winn with him.
Reaching down, he gathered the bottom of her shirt in his hands and he gently pulled upward. She raised her arms and arched her back, allowing him to pull the shirt over her head and then she stretched, elongating her body in such a way that it was like watching live porn. She appeared to be posing, except that every move she made was painfully natural.
"I'm not normally in the habit of starting something I don't finish," Isaac said quietly into her ear as he ran his hands down her body. "But for the past month, you have teased and tortured and baited me and driven me absolutely mad and the truth is, I loved every goddamn minute of it. Because of that, there's a chance...a very slight possibility...that I may not be so quick to grant your request..."
She turned her head and looked over her shoulder. "It wasn't a request. It was a statement."
"It was actually a question."
"Rhetorical." Then she sat up and sighed, reaching for her shirt. "It's a shame you're being so hesitant. I really didn't think I'd have to talk you into this--"
"Drop it," he commanded through his teeth. He watched her smirk over her shoulder as she obeyed him. How in the hell she had gone from sad and depressed to suddenly...THIS...was beyond him. But he sure as shit wasn't going to question it any further. "What do you think you're doing?"
Her expression changed and she turned her entire body around, closing her legs and hiding her body with them. "You know," she said, seemingly annoyed. "I am horny right now. I am extremely turned on. And for the past month, all you've tried to do is get in my pants. Well, goddammit, here I am, giving myself to you on a goddamn silver platter and now all you want to do is talk? Jesus Christ, Ike, are you going to fuck me or not?"
He was momentarily taken aback by both her language and her tone and when he'd finally composed himself, he reached forward, hooked his hands under her knees and, in one swift movement, spread her legs apart and pulled her across the bed against him. The wide eyes of shock that now took over her expression made every second worth it.
He reached behind him and pulled his shirt over his head and then reached around and pulled her face toward him by the fistful of hair he gripped on the back of her head. He crashed his mouth into hers, forcing his tongue into her mouth and her nails were already digging into the skin on his shoulders.
He dropped his hands and pulled her body further onto his lap and she wrapped her legs around his waist. He ran his hands over her skin as he teased her neck and then he whispered a harsh truth into her ear, "I can't promise tonight will be very impressive. I want you too bad to take my time."
She pulled away and looked at him, smiling, glimpses of the Winn he knew returning to her face. She moved a strand of hair off of his forehead. "It's okay." Then her eyes darkened again. "Take off your pants."
She had to quit catching him like this. He felt like he was off his game. This wasn't him, he didn't submit, he didn't obey, he didn't surrender control, or any other synonym for giving up. He called the shots. He controlled the dates, the dinners, the sex, the after sex...but since Winn, he hadn't controlled any of it. To be honest, the feeling was a little freeing.
He didn't like it.
But something in him obeyed her anyway. She lifted her hips off of him just enough to let him work his pants off of himself and she barely let him finish the first task before her hand was wrapped around him and she was lowering herself onto him. She went slow. Painfully slow. And her face winced in pain as she hugged her arms tight around his neck. He almost felt sorry for her. And then he remembered why it hurt her and he was instantly snapped back to reality and the reality was, she was so incredibly tight around him and even the pain on her face as she bit her lip was a completely turn-on for him.
He fought for self-control harder than he ever had in his life. He wanted her to enjoy it. He almost didn't care whether he liked it or not, as long as she liked it, that was all that mattered. And it felt a little strange to have that attitude, but he was starting to feel a little selfless and he remembered how good that felt. Suddenly, getting her off wasn't just to feed his own ego--getting her off was for getting her off. For her.
What the hell was this woman doing to him?
Oh, yeah. He remembered. She was fucking him. And she was starting to like it. On his lap, her hips began to rock, her breathing deeper and more staggered. She picked up a rhythm and she closed her eyes and let her head fall back as her hips rocked harder into him. Isaac was done for.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Winn tried not to close her eyes. As good as Isaac felt inside her, when she closed her eyes, it was a completely different ballgame. She couldn't allow that to happen. Apparently, the battle with her brain was nonstop, even during sex.
Winn adjusted her hips and planted her feet on the bed behind Isaac. He groaned as he pulled her tight against his body, one hand entangled in her hair, the other arm hooked tight in desperation around her waist. Her arms remained tight around his neck for support and the more turned on she became, the faster she rode him. He started to moan and she pulled her head away enough to look at his face as he closed his eyes and let his head fall back. This was more like it. Keeping her eyes open was a good thing.
After a short while, he started pulling her into him and matching her rhythm with his own. Finally, he growled and threw his hands behind his back, sweeping her feet off the bed and wrapping them around his waist. Then he wrapped his arms around her body and expertly laid her out on her back. Hovering himself over her, she bit her lip as she watched him put her in the position he wanted her in, pinning one of her legs back with his arm, while she let the other leg drape over his shoulder.
He seemed to be okay with this compromise and Winn became deliciously aware of how deep he actually was in this position. From here, he went at her hard, causing her to easily forget everything she ever knew in that moment as she arched her back off the bed in an attempt to receive more of him and realized that her appetite for him seemed suddenly insatiable and before she could even think about it, she heard herself uttering, "Harder," through her teeth.
She could feel him bottoming out but, for some reason, that didn't seem to be enough. It felt good, but she wanted more. She wanted to feel it. She wanted it to hurt. She welcomed the pain, she needed it. "Harder," she urged again.
"Baby, if I go any harder, I'll hurt you," he breathed as he fucked her.
"Do it," she commanded through gritted teeth.
He stopped thrusting and he looked at her, his eyes hardening and his nostrils flaring just a little and then he demanded darkly, "Turn over."
Winn wasted no time and she turned over, resting herself on her elbows as she spread her legs for him. He didn't warn her, he didn't say anything, he only allowed her to feel the shock as he took an unnaturally firm grip on her hips and slammed himself deep inside her, him releasing a loud, opened-mouthed growl and Winn crying out in near-agony over the initial impact. It hurt like hell. He didn't disappoint. But something in the pain was so inhumanely erotic that she couldn't get enough of it.
"Mmm, you mean like that?" He groaned at her.
"Yes," she barely breathed out. "Just like that, don't stop."
And, still, he didn't disappoint. He did as he said he would do and he hurt her but it got her off with a quickness. It didn't take long and she fought not to close her eyes, difficult as it was, because every time she closed her eyes, it happened. As Isaac tore her apart physically, mentally was an entirely different kind of pain. The last time she made the mistake of closing her eyes, Taylor's face flashed before her eyes and she cried out her orgasm as it exploded throughout her body.
Isaac pulled out before he came and within a few seconds, she collapsed on the bed in a daze and he sat down, tossing the covers over his lap, his chest heaving to catch his breath. She turned her head and looked at him and they both stared at each other as their breathing finally calmed down.
"Fuck," he muttered as he sat there, his arms braced behind his back. He raised an arm and ran his hand through his hair. "That was quite literally the best sex I've ever had."
Winn felt the blood rising in her cheeks and she smiled, biting her lip. "Really?"
He scoffed. "Well don't play coy NOW." Then he narrowed his eyes and smiled. "And what HAPPENED to you?"
She shrugged a shoulder against the bed. "I guess after all this time I just remembered how much I like sex."
He laughed. "Just like?"
Winn fell silent as she reached and retrieved her shirt from the other side of the bed and sat up, pulling it over her head. She gathered the other end of the covers around her and ran her hand through her hair. And then she sat and she looked at Isaac for a moment. "So...that's it, then," she said finally.
He narrowed his eyes in suspicion. "What's it?"
"This. The chase is over. Right? Like you said the other night, the thrill of the chase...?"
"No..." he said slowly. "YOU said that. Not me." Then he straightened up and curiosity washed over his face. "Winn--what did you think was going to happen here?"
"In regards to what?"
"In regards to--really? In regards to this, right now...this..."
Her eyes darted around the bed nervously. "I dunno," she murmured. "I guess I just thought--you know, once it finally happened, that you might--"
"Leave?"
She nodded. "I just thought that, you know, I mean, you got what you wanted..."
"Winn," he repeated her name. "I know what you must think of me. Believe me I know. You and the entire city of Tulsa are all thinking the same thing. And I've brought that on myself, I know this. But--but I'm not--I mean--well, yeah, in the beginning, I'm not gonna lie, you were a hot piece. There, I said it. But I got to know you--which is something I DON'T do--and I don't--I mean, I'm not--I'm not done. You know? I don't want to leave, I don't want to get up and walk out of here tonight. And that's different for me and I'm sitting here coping with that realization and I don't really know what to do with it right now. But I'm not discarding you. I'm not moving on to the next one, it's not like that for me. Not with you."
"You can't fall for me," she said quietly. "I'm bad news. I'm so fucked up..."
"Come here," he said, reaching out his hand. When she hesitated, he smiled. "Come here."
She crawled across the bed and took his hand as she got back under the covers next to him. He put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close. His smile turned into a grin, his face close to hers. "We're both fucked up individuals. We're more alike than you think. I can honestly say to you that I am not emotionally available. I like you. I even care about you a little. But getting emotionally invested is something that isn't so easy for me and I'm nowhere even close to that point. Okay? And I know you're emotionally unavailable, too. I know your story. I know I'm the first man you've been involved with since your ex. You're the first woman I've spent THIS much time with since--since Kate, okay? Why don't we just stop trying to overanalyze everything and just take it for what it is and have fun with it? It's not so hard to do. And we're making it harder than it needs to be."
"I feel like I used you tonight," she confessed.
Isaac chuckled. "So do I, but I liked it." Then his voice calmed again. "And that's okay. It's okay if you use me. I want you to use me. It's what I'm here for." Then he turned her face toward his. "But I'm also your friend. And as your friend, I do care about your feelings. So don't be afraid to let it out when you need to let it out. And, well, if you have to let it out through sex, well...then we've just come full circle. Right?"
Finally, Winn had to giggle a little. She wasn't sure what it was, but she felt a little better. She felt slightly relieved, but only slightly. She liked knowing where she stood with SOMEONE. She kinda liked having an agreement of sorts. She cut a side glance at him and a devious smile crept across her face. "You wanna shake on it?"
At that, Isaac threw his head back and laughed. Then he reached out to the side and turned off her bedside lamp and settled down with her under the covers. "Just shut up and go to sleep," he said. "We both have jobs to go to in a few hours."
Smiling, Winn curled up next to him and allowed him to hold her as she fell asleep. She fell asleep faster than she expected to. Being in his arms felt nice. In her dreams, though, blue eyes sung her lullabies.
Isaac spent the weekend brooding. He was never one to brood. Never one to hole himself up in his apartment. Never one to not respond to any of his buddies when invited out for drinks. He'd had dinner at Zac's house Saturday night and that was a welcome distraction for a few hours. But once he'd left, he was still alone with his thoughts, still brooding.
In a random, temporary fit of rage at whatever time on Sunday, he didn't know, he tore the black satin sheets off of his bed and stuffed them in the garbage can. He then raped his linen closet and took everything that was satin out of there, comforters and pillowcases included, and tossed them all as well. Then he found himself out of linens to fit the king bed, so then he had to go out. Brooding was more hassle than it was worth.
He didn't know why he didn't get rid of it all sooner. He was tired of the satin anyway. Tired of what they represented--the playboy nature of his exploits, the constant wining and dining and the impressing of women he didn't even care to know...and now the only one he really wanted, wanted nothing to do with the sheets and now he could only think about how she was practically traumatized by them. Satin sheets carried around a stigma. And it wasn't a good one anymore.
Now he lay in bed, alone, in his brand new, white cotton sheets with his brand new white pillowcases and his brand new white down comforter. He didn't want black anymore. He was tired of it. Black depressed him. And he quite enjoyed sleeping in his white guest bed, granted it was better when Winn shared it with him. But he enjoyed it nonetheless and he decided that maybe making a seemingly positive change in his bedroom might help his mood.
It didn't.
And so he lay in bed, in the dark, earlier than his normal time, brooding over Winn's impromptu overnight trip with his brother. The trip HE was supposed to have been on. This could have been it, this could have been his weekend. And then he blew it. And that gave Taylor more than ample opportunity to make his move and it was highly likely that he did. His brother couldn't be THAT stupid.
So when his cell phone rang just after ten-thirty, and he saw that it was Winn, he found himself in total shock. Hesitantly, he answered. "Winn? Hey..."
"Hey," she said quietly.
"I'm, uh, I'm glad you called..."
"I missed you," she said in a near whisper.
Isaac sighed, his heart doing that thing again that he didn't like. "Winn, I am so, SO sorry, you HAVE to believe me--"
"I do. I mean, I believe you. Apology accepted."
He furrowed his brow in confusion in the dark. "Uh, really? Just like that?"
"Um, I mean, I can't really blame you for getting freaked out, right? An overnight trip can be a big deal. You know?"
"I really wanted to be there, I swear--"
"It's okay. Really. It's already done and over with."
Isaac didn't know what to think. He kept having to remind himself that she didn't know his real reason for missing the trip and the thought made him sick to his stomach. Maybe he should just tell the truth. Be honest. Tell her about his indiscretion...
And then he remembered Taylor.
"So, uh, how did Tay end up going with you?"
"Oh," she said nonchalantly. "Kind of an accident, really. He happened to be leaving the studio while I was waiting for you. We chatted and he volunteered to tag along. No big deal."
"And you chose not to tell me..."
"I was mad at you, it was none of your business," she spat.
"Fair enough. But you're not mad now..."
"I told you, I had time to think."
"Uh-huh..."
"Goddammit, Ike, if you really want me to be mad at you, I'm sure I can drum up a reason or two."
Isaac eyes widened and he blinked into the darkness. "Well, I'd really rather you didn't..."
Winn sighed on the other end. "Am I not allowed to just miss you? Just--just regular, plain, old miss you?"
"Well--I mean, yeah. Yeah, of course. I missed you this weekend, too. Hey, listen, I know it's late, but do you want to come over?"
And then she sniffed a long sniff. He knew it wasn't allergies and he was immediately concerned. "Hey," he said gently as he sat up in the bed. "Hey, what's going on with you?"
"It's--it's late. I have to work tomorrow." He could hear the tears in her voice.
"I'll come there, then."
"No. No, it's not necessary, I'm fine."
"Come on, I'm only ten minutes up the road."
And then the sobs she fought to suppress came flooding through the phone.
"That's it, I can't sit here and listen to this," he said as he threw back his comforter and stepped out of bed. "I'm coming over."
"Don't," she pleaded. "I'm fine. You don't need to worry yourself with--"
"I already have my shoes on. Make sure your door is unlocked."
"I never lock it..."
Isaac shook his head into the phone.
*************
On his way to Winn's house, Isaac's heart pounded and his palms were sweaty. Was he nervous? Seriously? Of course he was, he'd never done anything like this before. Doing something like this--hell, even answering the phone at all--would imply that he cared. And the kicker was that this time he actually DID.
He amazed himself in the record time he managed to get to her house and was thankful that there were no cops on the road along the way. Her porch light was off and he cursed her under his breath for that. Door unlocked, no porch light, set off in a wooded area by the lake...it was like she was asking for it or something.
He expected her to meet him at the door, so he was surprised when she didn't. When he let himself inside, making sure to turn on the porch light and lock the door behind him, he made his way toward the only light in her small house, which came from her bedroom on the other side of the kitchen.
He peeked in her bedroom and spied Winn sitting cross-legged in the middle of her bed, turning up a bottle of wine under the dim lamp light. She glanced up at him, expressionless. "That was fast."
"Tell me you're not drunk."
"Wish I was."
Isaac removed his coat and draped it over a chair that sat near the bed. Crawling into the bed, he slid in behind her, closed himself around her, and wrapped his arms around her shoulders, taking the bottle from her hand. "I'm not so sure you need this."
"I'm pretty sure I do," she retorted.
He took a swig of it himself before he turned around and sat it on the bedside table next to them. Wrapping her tighter, he rested his chin on her shoulder. "Talk to me," he said quietly.
"I can't believe you're here."
"Neither can I," he scoffed. "But hearing you cry tore my heart out--kinda reminded me that I have one. So here I am."
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cry on you like that. I tried not to."
"I know."
"It's just--so much stress, so much pressure--I think it just all built up at once..."
"Tell me about it."
"I don't really want to talk about it."
"You can't sit there and let it fester. That only makes things worse. And you're a strong woman, Winn. Breaking isn't your style."
He heard her laugh a little as she sniffed and he smiled. "You really think so?"
"I know so. So come on. Out with it."
Winn sighed as she let her head fall back against his shoulder. "It's just--it's everything. I miss home. I miss my parents. I miss all my old friends. And then this weekend--this weekend the VPO of the state approached me and congratulated me on the office and how it's improving--"
"Well, that's excellent--"
"Except that it's not gonna stay that way. And it's so hard and it's so exhausting to keep it all up. I just--I require instant gratification, you know? In my old office back home, running good numbers was as normal as--as eating or sleeping. You know? And now it's, like, it's taking FOREVER to get to where I need to be. And I know it's not going to happen overnight, it's just such a change to get used to. You have no idea how many nights I come home and just sit and cry and do this very thing right here. The stress is unbearable sometimes."
"Don't do that," he said quietly. "Don't come home and cry alone like that. Call me or--" He swallowed, god help him for his next suggestion-- "call Tay or something."
"Tay isn't speaking to me," she said quietly.
Isaac's eyes widened and his ears perked in spite of himself. "Um, isn't speaking to you?"
"Yeah."
"Um...did, uh, did something happen this weekend?"
"I think I lost my best friend."
"That's--um--surely not, I'm sure you didn't..."
"Yeah. I did. This weekend did NOT go as planned..."
"Well you didn't actually PLAN for him to go at all..."
"That's true."
"So what happened?"
"It just--just didn't go well...it just--it just wasn't a good idea, bringing him along...alcohol got involved..."
Isaac tightened his arms around her and let out a breath. "Yeah, he does tend to get mouthy when he drinks."
"Yeah, let's call it that..."
"Did he embarrass you or something? Did you fight?"
"It was just...bad...I don't really want to rehash it."
"Winn, sometimes...sometimes you learn things about people you thought you'd never expect from them when you go on trips like that...you know?"
"Is that what freaked you out about going?"
Isaac's heart pounded at her suggestion and he hoped she couldn't feel it racing against her back. "Uh, the concept made me nervous, yeah..."
"But I've stayed over with you before. It's the same thing."
Shit.
She continued. "Anyway, I thought taking a trip with Tay would be a piece of cake. I was wrong."
"Winn," he said softly. "You're an incredible woman. Okay? And--and I know he knows that. You wouldn't be friends if you weren't, right?" Then he sighed, not believing himself for saying these things. "Whatever went down between you two couldn't have been SO bad that it's irreparable. Friendships like yours, they don't--they don't just go away. You know? Friendships like yours are made for life. Don't you think?"
"I thought so," she said quietly.
"I know Tay. I really think if you just--I don't know, talk out whatever happened--you'll find that he probably feels the same way. He doesn't want to lose your friendship as much as you don't want to lose his." Isaac's stomach churned with nausea the more he spoke. Unfortunately, he meant every word he said. Saying them, however, was not in his best interest and he knew it.
To his surprise, she turned her head around toward him and smiled. "I'm impressed with you."
He smiled back. "You are?"
"Yeah. I'm glad you're here."
Suddenly, he became painfully aware at how her nails grazed up and down the insides of his thighs as his legs lay bent around her.
"I'm glad I am, too," he said quietly. "Do you feel better?"
"I do, actually. You, uh, you made me feel better. I appreciate it."
"Anytime."
They sat in silence for a moment as her nails continued to graze. Up and down, up and down. Slowly. With a little pressure. With every stroke, he got more and more turned on. "That feels good," he finally had to confess.
"Does it?"
"Yeah."
And then she grazed her nails further behind her back and further up his thighs. He sucked in his breath, letting it out against her neck. Uncontrollably, he leaned down and kissed her neck gently.
She moaned softly. "THAT feels good."
Then he thought about it and he stopped. "I, um, I didn't come here with the intent to mess around. I hope you know that."
"I know."
He swallowed. "I, um, I don't want you to feel taken advantage of. I know you're vulnerable right now and kinda down and I don't want you to--"
"Isaac, do you want to fuck me?"
His eyes widened, completely caught off guard, and he had to hesitate for a moment. "Winn, I've never wanted a woman so bad in my entire life."
Her hands went from grazing to gentle squeezing, getting dangerously close to him. "What if I said I wanted you to fuck me?"
Just hearing her say it like that, in the seductive tone of voice that she used, was enough to make him come right there. "Uh, right now?"
"Are you getting scared? You sound scared," she patronized lightly.
"No," he objected quickly. "I'm just--making sure it's what you want."
"Did you know I'm not wearing any underwear under this shirt?"
Isaac wanted to die. Admittedly, he had no idea that she wasn't. Her shirt was long enough as she sat on the bed that the truth was, he assumed she had on shorts underneath. But now, as it stood, he had never seen nor laid a hand on her from the waist down and the anticipation was doing him in by the second.
Finally, finding the words, he brushed the rest of her hair off of her neck and out of his way and breathed in her ear, "Do you always walk around your house half naked like this?"
"I actually took them off while you were on your way over."
That was it. Isaac was a dead man. And he was taking Winn with him.
Reaching down, he gathered the bottom of her shirt in his hands and he gently pulled upward. She raised her arms and arched her back, allowing him to pull the shirt over her head and then she stretched, elongating her body in such a way that it was like watching live porn. She appeared to be posing, except that every move she made was painfully natural.
"I'm not normally in the habit of starting something I don't finish," Isaac said quietly into her ear as he ran his hands down her body. "But for the past month, you have teased and tortured and baited me and driven me absolutely mad and the truth is, I loved every goddamn minute of it. Because of that, there's a chance...a very slight possibility...that I may not be so quick to grant your request..."
She turned her head and looked over her shoulder. "It wasn't a request. It was a statement."
"It was actually a question."
"Rhetorical." Then she sat up and sighed, reaching for her shirt. "It's a shame you're being so hesitant. I really didn't think I'd have to talk you into this--"
"Drop it," he commanded through his teeth. He watched her smirk over her shoulder as she obeyed him. How in the hell she had gone from sad and depressed to suddenly...THIS...was beyond him. But he sure as shit wasn't going to question it any further. "What do you think you're doing?"
Her expression changed and she turned her entire body around, closing her legs and hiding her body with them. "You know," she said, seemingly annoyed. "I am horny right now. I am extremely turned on. And for the past month, all you've tried to do is get in my pants. Well, goddammit, here I am, giving myself to you on a goddamn silver platter and now all you want to do is talk? Jesus Christ, Ike, are you going to fuck me or not?"
He was momentarily taken aback by both her language and her tone and when he'd finally composed himself, he reached forward, hooked his hands under her knees and, in one swift movement, spread her legs apart and pulled her across the bed against him. The wide eyes of shock that now took over her expression made every second worth it.
He reached behind him and pulled his shirt over his head and then reached around and pulled her face toward him by the fistful of hair he gripped on the back of her head. He crashed his mouth into hers, forcing his tongue into her mouth and her nails were already digging into the skin on his shoulders.
He dropped his hands and pulled her body further onto his lap and she wrapped her legs around his waist. He ran his hands over her skin as he teased her neck and then he whispered a harsh truth into her ear, "I can't promise tonight will be very impressive. I want you too bad to take my time."
She pulled away and looked at him, smiling, glimpses of the Winn he knew returning to her face. She moved a strand of hair off of his forehead. "It's okay." Then her eyes darkened again. "Take off your pants."
She had to quit catching him like this. He felt like he was off his game. This wasn't him, he didn't submit, he didn't obey, he didn't surrender control, or any other synonym for giving up. He called the shots. He controlled the dates, the dinners, the sex, the after sex...but since Winn, he hadn't controlled any of it. To be honest, the feeling was a little freeing.
He didn't like it.
But something in him obeyed her anyway. She lifted her hips off of him just enough to let him work his pants off of himself and she barely let him finish the first task before her hand was wrapped around him and she was lowering herself onto him. She went slow. Painfully slow. And her face winced in pain as she hugged her arms tight around his neck. He almost felt sorry for her. And then he remembered why it hurt her and he was instantly snapped back to reality and the reality was, she was so incredibly tight around him and even the pain on her face as she bit her lip was a completely turn-on for him.
He fought for self-control harder than he ever had in his life. He wanted her to enjoy it. He almost didn't care whether he liked it or not, as long as she liked it, that was all that mattered. And it felt a little strange to have that attitude, but he was starting to feel a little selfless and he remembered how good that felt. Suddenly, getting her off wasn't just to feed his own ego--getting her off was for getting her off. For her.
What the hell was this woman doing to him?
Oh, yeah. He remembered. She was fucking him. And she was starting to like it. On his lap, her hips began to rock, her breathing deeper and more staggered. She picked up a rhythm and she closed her eyes and let her head fall back as her hips rocked harder into him. Isaac was done for.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Winn tried not to close her eyes. As good as Isaac felt inside her, when she closed her eyes, it was a completely different ballgame. She couldn't allow that to happen. Apparently, the battle with her brain was nonstop, even during sex.
Winn adjusted her hips and planted her feet on the bed behind Isaac. He groaned as he pulled her tight against his body, one hand entangled in her hair, the other arm hooked tight in desperation around her waist. Her arms remained tight around his neck for support and the more turned on she became, the faster she rode him. He started to moan and she pulled her head away enough to look at his face as he closed his eyes and let his head fall back. This was more like it. Keeping her eyes open was a good thing.
After a short while, he started pulling her into him and matching her rhythm with his own. Finally, he growled and threw his hands behind his back, sweeping her feet off the bed and wrapping them around his waist. Then he wrapped his arms around her body and expertly laid her out on her back. Hovering himself over her, she bit her lip as she watched him put her in the position he wanted her in, pinning one of her legs back with his arm, while she let the other leg drape over his shoulder.
He seemed to be okay with this compromise and Winn became deliciously aware of how deep he actually was in this position. From here, he went at her hard, causing her to easily forget everything she ever knew in that moment as she arched her back off the bed in an attempt to receive more of him and realized that her appetite for him seemed suddenly insatiable and before she could even think about it, she heard herself uttering, "Harder," through her teeth.
She could feel him bottoming out but, for some reason, that didn't seem to be enough. It felt good, but she wanted more. She wanted to feel it. She wanted it to hurt. She welcomed the pain, she needed it. "Harder," she urged again.
"Baby, if I go any harder, I'll hurt you," he breathed as he fucked her.
"Do it," she commanded through gritted teeth.
He stopped thrusting and he looked at her, his eyes hardening and his nostrils flaring just a little and then he demanded darkly, "Turn over."
Winn wasted no time and she turned over, resting herself on her elbows as she spread her legs for him. He didn't warn her, he didn't say anything, he only allowed her to feel the shock as he took an unnaturally firm grip on her hips and slammed himself deep inside her, him releasing a loud, opened-mouthed growl and Winn crying out in near-agony over the initial impact. It hurt like hell. He didn't disappoint. But something in the pain was so inhumanely erotic that she couldn't get enough of it.
"Mmm, you mean like that?" He groaned at her.
"Yes," she barely breathed out. "Just like that, don't stop."
And, still, he didn't disappoint. He did as he said he would do and he hurt her but it got her off with a quickness. It didn't take long and she fought not to close her eyes, difficult as it was, because every time she closed her eyes, it happened. As Isaac tore her apart physically, mentally was an entirely different kind of pain. The last time she made the mistake of closing her eyes, Taylor's face flashed before her eyes and she cried out her orgasm as it exploded throughout her body.
Isaac pulled out before he came and within a few seconds, she collapsed on the bed in a daze and he sat down, tossing the covers over his lap, his chest heaving to catch his breath. She turned her head and looked at him and they both stared at each other as their breathing finally calmed down.
"Fuck," he muttered as he sat there, his arms braced behind his back. He raised an arm and ran his hand through his hair. "That was quite literally the best sex I've ever had."
Winn felt the blood rising in her cheeks and she smiled, biting her lip. "Really?"
He scoffed. "Well don't play coy NOW." Then he narrowed his eyes and smiled. "And what HAPPENED to you?"
She shrugged a shoulder against the bed. "I guess after all this time I just remembered how much I like sex."
He laughed. "Just like?"
Winn fell silent as she reached and retrieved her shirt from the other side of the bed and sat up, pulling it over her head. She gathered the other end of the covers around her and ran her hand through her hair. And then she sat and she looked at Isaac for a moment. "So...that's it, then," she said finally.
He narrowed his eyes in suspicion. "What's it?"
"This. The chase is over. Right? Like you said the other night, the thrill of the chase...?"
"No..." he said slowly. "YOU said that. Not me." Then he straightened up and curiosity washed over his face. "Winn--what did you think was going to happen here?"
"In regards to what?"
"In regards to--really? In regards to this, right now...this..."
Her eyes darted around the bed nervously. "I dunno," she murmured. "I guess I just thought--you know, once it finally happened, that you might--"
"Leave?"
She nodded. "I just thought that, you know, I mean, you got what you wanted..."
"Winn," he repeated her name. "I know what you must think of me. Believe me I know. You and the entire city of Tulsa are all thinking the same thing. And I've brought that on myself, I know this. But--but I'm not--I mean--well, yeah, in the beginning, I'm not gonna lie, you were a hot piece. There, I said it. But I got to know you--which is something I DON'T do--and I don't--I mean, I'm not--I'm not done. You know? I don't want to leave, I don't want to get up and walk out of here tonight. And that's different for me and I'm sitting here coping with that realization and I don't really know what to do with it right now. But I'm not discarding you. I'm not moving on to the next one, it's not like that for me. Not with you."
"You can't fall for me," she said quietly. "I'm bad news. I'm so fucked up..."
"Come here," he said, reaching out his hand. When she hesitated, he smiled. "Come here."
She crawled across the bed and took his hand as she got back under the covers next to him. He put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close. His smile turned into a grin, his face close to hers. "We're both fucked up individuals. We're more alike than you think. I can honestly say to you that I am not emotionally available. I like you. I even care about you a little. But getting emotionally invested is something that isn't so easy for me and I'm nowhere even close to that point. Okay? And I know you're emotionally unavailable, too. I know your story. I know I'm the first man you've been involved with since your ex. You're the first woman I've spent THIS much time with since--since Kate, okay? Why don't we just stop trying to overanalyze everything and just take it for what it is and have fun with it? It's not so hard to do. And we're making it harder than it needs to be."
"I feel like I used you tonight," she confessed.
Isaac chuckled. "So do I, but I liked it." Then his voice calmed again. "And that's okay. It's okay if you use me. I want you to use me. It's what I'm here for." Then he turned her face toward his. "But I'm also your friend. And as your friend, I do care about your feelings. So don't be afraid to let it out when you need to let it out. And, well, if you have to let it out through sex, well...then we've just come full circle. Right?"
Finally, Winn had to giggle a little. She wasn't sure what it was, but she felt a little better. She felt slightly relieved, but only slightly. She liked knowing where she stood with SOMEONE. She kinda liked having an agreement of sorts. She cut a side glance at him and a devious smile crept across her face. "You wanna shake on it?"
At that, Isaac threw his head back and laughed. Then he reached out to the side and turned off her bedside lamp and settled down with her under the covers. "Just shut up and go to sleep," he said. "We both have jobs to go to in a few hours."
Smiling, Winn curled up next to him and allowed him to hold her as she fell asleep. She fell asleep faster than she expected to. Being in his arms felt nice. In her dreams, though, blue eyes sung her lullabies.