IS THIS LOVE?
Thursday night, Isaac took Winn to dinner. He had shown up at her house with flowers and insisted that he take her somewhere nice. So she put on a dress, allowed him to wine and dine her and then he'd brought her home and kissed her goodnight. It was very much exactly like their first date. No funny business. Winn had a good time, but she was left very confused with the entire evening. He didn't try to sleep with her. He didn't even try to stay. Winn wasn't sure how she felt about that.
Friday, Winn didn't hear from Isaac at all. Not even before he went to the game. She walked out of work with no messages on her phone and she had to admit, that felt kind of lonely for a Friday night. She was starting to get used to having something to do. And now here it was Friday, where she could stay out late and had nowhere to be the next morning, and she had nobody to spend it with. She should just get a cat.
As she walked out of her office and said goodnight to the rest of her staff, she looked across the street and saw the glint of the streetlight bouncing off of what looked like a pickup in the alleyway by the studio. Hesitating to unlock her car, she looked around for her staff and, when she thought the coast was clear, she dashed across the street.
She pulled on the front door and found it locked, so she darted around to the heavy back door and, surprisingly, found it unlocked. Quietly, she locked it behind her and then she stood there, trying to get her bearings. She had no idea where she was.
It only took a moment for her to smell the beer and, instinctively, she followed her nose. She made her way down a small hallway and found the open door on the right where the scent of the beer grew stronger. Peeking around the corner, into the doorway, she spied a room with red carpet, a few instruments, and loads of electronic equipment. On the other side of the room was a large glass window that had the sound booth behind it and along the right wall of the room just outside the booth, sat a red loveseat where Taylor sat slouched, turning up a beer in the low, dim light of the room, several empty beer bottles surrounding him. "Tay?" She said quietly, trying not to startle him. "What are you doing?"
He looked over at her and he smiled. "Well. Fancy meeting you here." He looked her up and down. "Jeans, huh? For a finance company?"
She looked down at her jeans and her long gray sweater. "It's Casual Friday."
"How'd you get in?"
She walked in the room and answered, "Back door was unlocked. Don't worry, though, I locked it behind me."
"Good, good."
"Are you drunk?"
He held up his beer bottle and smiled. "I hope so."
"Are you okay?"
"Writer's block," he said, shaking his head and turning up his beer. "It's a bitch."
She walked further into the room and leaned against a table several feet away from him. "So...you think getting drunk is going to cure your writer's block?"
"Hey," he said. "A lot of bands out there have written a lot of cool shit while fucked up. I figure it could work for me, too, you know?"
"Apparently you don't work so well under pressure."
"Why does everything have to have an underlying meaning? Why can't I just--want to get drunk?"
"You can, I guess. Nothing wrong with that."
"You want a beer? You know, since you apparently drink it now."
"I tolerate it," she corrected. "And, no. No, thank you." The last time they drank together was still engrained in her memory, every single moment, as if it happened yesterday.
"Come on," Taylor taunted. "Don't make me do this alone. Don't just stand there and watch me get shitfaced. It's kinda rude."
Winn scoffed. "It is not rude..."
"It's rude," he said, offering her a fresh bottle. "It's not cold, but it all drinks the same. Come on."
"You're offering me a warm beer?"
"Like I said, it all drinks the same."
She looked at him and then she looked at the beer and then she thought about it. She thought about Isaac's phone call late Wednesday night and then their date last night and then the fact that he was out with Kelsey tonight and she hadn't heard from him all day. Yeah. She needed a beer, warm or not. "Okay, fine," she gave in, taking it from him.
"That's my girl," he smiled as he turned up his own.
Opening it and turning it up, it tasted horrible, but she was desperate to drink her thoughts away.
"So why are YOU drinking tonight?" Taylor asked.
Winn scoffed a laugh. "Because you made me."
Taylor smirked at her, a look that almost always made her heart flutter. "I didn't hold a gun to your head, you could have said no. But you didn't. So, why?"
"Why does everything have to have an underlying meaning?" She mocked him.
"WHY?" He pressed.
She looked at him and studied him for a moment. Her first instinct was to cover it up, but she just couldn't lie to him. Finally, she sighed and hung her head. "Ike's at a basketball game. Uh, with another woman."
"Goddammit, Winn," Taylor spat.
"It's not even like that, don't go jumping to conclusions. She's just a friend and he--he cleared it with me before he went. It's--it's okay."
Taylor scoffed and turned up his beer. "Cleared it with you? Wow."
She scowled at him. "I can't believe you're sitting there drinking beer in your studio."
"So are you. It's my studio. Don't change the subject."
"There's nothing more to say."
He narrowed his eyes at her for a moment, turning up his bottle. "Who is this 'friend?' Ike doesn't have female friends."
"He has me."
"Oh, so he's sleeping with this one, then. Okay, now it makes sense."
"Tay, stop being so mean. Maybe I shouldn't have come over here--"
Suddenly, he sat up from his position on the love seat. "Hey. Hey. Wait. Okay? I'm sorry. Sometimes when I drink, I get a little...honest. Just--just stay, I'll behave. I promise."
She stood there and studied him warily for a moment, finding herself unable to resist him. Did she--did she find him irresistible? Surely not in that sense...
"Her, uh, her name is Kelsey," she said quietly.
Taylor nearly spit out his beer. "You mean Kelsey Kennedy? Like in pizza Kelsey? Did he take you there?"
"Yeah, that's where I got all that beer stuff."
"Oh, man," he laughed as he sat back and made himself comfortable again. "You got nothing to worry about there. I assure you."
"Well, I didn't--I mean--"
"She won't stand for his shit. She knows what he's all about and she wants no part in it. I promise."
"Well it's not like I was worried..."
"Mmhmm," he nodded as he finished off his beer. Winn wasn't sure if he was purposely trying to put thoughts in her head or not, but she didn't like it. "Want another beer?" He asked her.
She scrunched her nose up and rubbed her stomach. "I don't know. That first warm beer wasn't so great, I'm not sure I can stomach another one."
"Ah, come on. Once you get drunk it doesn't even matter."
Winn laughed. "Yeah, but I actually have to enjoy getting there!"
Taylor stood up and slid a hand into hers. "Come on, we have a fridge full down the hall."
Winn wasn't close to being drunk. The one beer had warmed her limbs and her belly, but that was it. She was fully and completely aware of the jolt of electricity that ran through her body and shot straight to her heart at the touch of his palm against hers and her eyes widened as she glanced down at their hands.
Her heart raced and her breathing quickened and she looked up at Taylor, his bewildered expression matching hers. Quickly, he dropped her hand and she managed to sputter out, "I, uh, um, I, uh, I really want one of those cold beers."
"Right," he replied, his eyes darting around. "Uh, follow me."
Minutes later, they had hauled a couple of cases back into the studio and they sat across from each other, Taylor on the love seat, and Winn in one of the swivel chairs. "Wonder how the game's going," Winn said listlessly as she chugged nearly half of the beer she had just opened.
Taylor smirked. "All you gotta do is check your Twitter feed to find out. I think he uses it as his own personal score keeper or something."
"Oh yeah, good idea!" Winn said as she fished her phone out of her pocket.
She hadn't been on Twitter in forever. Instead of scrolling through her newsfeed, she just went straight to the band's page. The latest tweet she found sunk her heart a little bit.
As she took both hands to her phone, Taylor said, "Oh, shit, what are you screen capping?"
"Nothing."
Too late. Taylor was already fishing his phone out of his pocket.
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Isaac had been having a good time. The game was good and he was really getting into it. However, Kelsey was beginning to be a distraction. There were times when he looked at her and wished she was Winn. And then there were times when he looked at her and was amused at how she was as into the game as he was. For the most part, Kelsey was fun. And he was beginning to realize how much he'd really missed his old friend. And his old self.
He had been tweeting game updates when Kelsey leaned over so he could hear her, "You know, your head has stayed in that phone for the majority of this game."
"It's about the game," he assured her. "I'm tweeting about it."
"Oh come off it," she said, jerking his phone out of his hand. "How are you watching if you're tweeting? You're missing all the good stuff!"
He watched her scroll through his tweets until her eyes widened and the blood drained from her face. She turned to look at him. "Is she mad?"
"What? Is who mad?"
"Winn."
"No, she's not mad. Why would you say that?"
And then she shoved his phone in his face and he saw the text message that had popped up while she'd been scrolling. It was a screen cap of the picture of he and Kelsey that he'd tweeted and she'd said, "Oh, there you are! Haven't heard from you all day. Cute picture, glad you're having fun!"
Isaac's jaw dropped, unable to find the words. Finally, he offered, "Well, she doesn't seem mad...she said it's a cute picture..."
"Ike, I'm a woman. I know mad when I see it. Have you seriously not talked to her all day?"
"Well--I mean, she's been working all day--"
"Ike..." Kelsey scolded.
"Shit."
"She does--I mean, she does understand we're just friends, right? I mean, that's it."
"Yeah. Yeah, she--well, I thought she did..." Then he sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Will you just--just excuse me for a moment?"
Isaac climbed out of the stands and quickly managed to duck into a box with an open door. Turning his back to the window, he called Winn. "Hey, what are you doing?" He asked when she answered.
"Um, shouldn't you be watching the game?"
"Well, I was and then I got your text. Winn, I thought you were okay with me coming tonight?"
"Of course I'm okay with it. And it doesn't matter anyway, it's not my place to--I mean, it doesn't matter if it's okay with me or not. It's not like that with us."
Isaac sighed and rubbed his forehead. He just didn't even know what to do anymore. Then he thought about something and his eyes widened and he looked up at the wall across from him. Did he--did he WANT her to tell him she didn't want him to go? Did he WANT her to tell him to stay? Because if she did, then that would imply that he was hers--right? Did he want to belong to her?
"Winn, I'll leave right now if you want me to."
"Don't be absurd. Stay there and enjoy your game. What's wrong with you?"
"Your text--"
"It's a cute picture, leave it at that."
"I don't want to leave it at that."
"Are you seriously trying to pick a fight with me while you're watching your game?"
"They're losing anyway. Listen, if I knew you were going to be upset--"
"I'm not upset! Why does everyone keep expecting me to be upset?"
Isaac was taken aback by her frustrated tone and then he narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "Everyone who?"
Winn hesitated. "I'm, uh, I'm having a beer with Tay."
"Really..." In that very instant, he wanted nothing more than to throw his phone across the box.
"Yeah," she said. "We worked things out. There was a--a misunderstanding, I guess you could say..."
"That's one hell of a misunderstanding," he retorted, his nostrils flaring.
"Well it's done and it's over with and we've decided to let bygones be bygones."
"I don't like it," he said suddenly, unable to stop the words from coming out of his mouth.
There was a pause on the other end. Finally, she said quietly, "It's not for you to like. He's my best friend." Then she grew quiet for another moment. "He was my best friend before you came along. Just like Kelsey was your friend before I came along. You don't have to like my friendship with Tay. And I don't have to be comfortable with your friendship with her. But we have to respect each other. And I didn't feel that today. And to be honest, things have been a little strange all week. I don't know what's going on. But for tonight, I'm going to have a beer or two with my friend and you're going to go finish your game with yours and maybe we'll reconvene tomorrow. We'll see. Okay?"
Isaac felt like his heart had just fallen straight from his chest. He knew his jaw had dropped because he felt it. "We'll see?" He breathed.
"Yeah. We'll see."
"Winn--Winn, stay with me tomorrow night. Just--just pack a bag and come to my place and stay with me. We can talk this out--"
Winn sighed. "I'm so tired of talking, Ike. I'm just--so tired..."
"Then we don't have to talk. We don't have to say anything. Just stay with me."
"We'll see." And then she ended the conversation.
Isaac was speechless. Suddenly, Taylor was back in the picture and he felt like he was losing Winn again. This couldn't be happening. Was this--was this it? Had he really blown it this time? Or were her eyes finally opening up?
Hurt gave way to anger and he became desperate for a distraction. Returning to his seat, he turned to Kelsey and said, "You wanna go to dinner after the game?"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Winn knew it was a cheap shot, using Taylor the way she had. However, she hadn't lied. But she did suspect that Taylor's presence might piss Isaac off and she'd been right. She had no other hand to play. He had hurt her feelings and all she wanted to do was return the favor. Unfortunately, she had succeeded, and now she felt bad for stooping so low.
Sighing, she walked back into the studio where Taylor sat, happily nursing his beer. She opened up her third one and stood there, leaning against a table, and turning it up.
Taylor smiled, his lids heavy with intoxication. "Having a lover's quarrel?"
"Shut up," she spat as she chugged the now barely-cold beer. Taylor was right. She was starting not to care about the temperature.
"You probably ought to take it easy on those," he warned her.
"It's only my third beer."
"Yeah, but the alcohol content is higher than a normal one."
"Well the alcohol content in wine is even higher than that and I don't have a problem with it. Two bottles of this stuff is, like--one glass of wine."
"That logic is ridiculous and inaccurate."
"How far along are you?"
"I just polished off a case," he said proudly.
"There aren't that many in a case."
"This is starting to sound like a challenge."
"Please, you've already won." Then a smile crept across her face. "Besides, I am kinda feeling it..."
He smiled back at her. "I've already got number four here with your name on it."
As it turned out, the more she drank, the thirstier she got. She looked around the room, feeling light-headed and slightly perturbed. "It's so quiet in here. Why is it so quiet in here?"
"I told you. Writer's block."
"Well you're not doing shit about it now, so why does it have to be so quiet?"
"How do you expect me to come up with brilliance with all this other music swimming around in my...in my ears and stuff?"
Winn burst out into random laughter. "Brilliance? Are you serious?"
"Hey. I can name off some bands right now. Pink Floyd, The Doors...fucking...fucking Jimi Hendrix--"
"Jimi Hendrix was a solo artist."
"He had The Experience. The Jimi Hendrix Experience. And you know they were ALL fucked up when their best shit hit them."
"Tay, are you even listening to yourself? This isn't even you--"
"I'm drunk, what do you expect?"
She looked around the room at the various equipment. "While we're here, why don't you show me what all this stuff does?"
"Uh, no. I know how drunk I am. There's no way I'm touching any of that stuff in the state I'm in."
She narrowed her eyes at him. "So--so let me set the scene here. You...you're working today. Writing, obviously. You get writer's block. And then so you're just like, 'Hey, I'll just drink a beer or two, it's the perfect cure for writer's block.' "
"Something like that, yeah."
"Bullshit. Why are YOU drinking? For real. Why are you just--just randomly sitting here in your studio, on your little couch, getting wasted?"
He looked at her for a moment. And then he smiled and raised an eyebrow. "Because I can."
"Ass."
"I've been told I have a nice ass."
"Not to your face," she muttered.
Taylor laughed, amused. "Do what?"
"Please, I know you lurk the social media. I know what they're all saying about you and I know you've seen it. But how many women ACTUALLY blurt out, 'Taylor, you have a nice ass!' "
"You'd be surprised."
"I'm sure..."
"So what do you want to hear?" He asked suddenly.
"Huh?"
"Well, you're standing there bitching about the silence in here, because obviously talking to me isn't good enough for you, and I'm asking you. What do you like? It occurs to me that the one thing we've never actually discussed is music."
"I like all kinds of stuff."
"Such a generic answer," he smiled, sitting back and slouching comfortably on the love seat. "Don't do that to me. I ask questions, I want answers. Real answers."
"I shouldn't let you drink anymore. You're being very ornery tonight."
He laughed at her, amused. "Ornery? Who even uses that word anymore?"
"I do. And I'm ready for number four now."
Taylor grinned. "Nice." He picked up a beer, opened it, and handed it to her. "Okay. So get on your phone, find...whatever the hell you have in there. Turn on the first song that comes up in the shuffle."
The corners of her mouth turned up as she turned up her fresh beer. "What if it's one of your songs?"
He furrowed his brow and he grinned. "Are you TRYING to turn me on?"
She looked at him for a moment, painfully aware of the turn that the conversation may or may not be taking. Luckily, she was too drunk by now to have the capability to focus on it. So she smiled. "You get turned on by your own music?"
"I get turned on by the fact that you're still listening to it."
"Why would I stop listening to it?"
He shrugged. "I dunno."
"Anyway, I have my favorites..."
"Okay, seriously," he said. "Musical Russian roulette. And...go."
Winn pulled her phone out of her pocket and turned up her beer as she clicked around on it. Suddenly, she smiled into her phone and she sucked in a breath and closed her eyes as the song began to play. "Mmm..."
"Should have known better
Than to let you go alone
It's times like these I can't make it on my own
Wasted days and sleepless nights
And I can't wait to see you again"
Her head fell back and she smiled as one of her favorite songs that she hadn't heard in awhile filled her ears.
"Interesting reaction," Taylor said.
Her head dropped and she smiled at him. "Certain songs just...they do things to me..."
"Turn it off," he said suddenly.
"What?"
Then he smiled. "Just turn it off. Trust me."
She reluctantly obeyed and he reached over and took the remote from the arm of the love seat and, after a few clicks, the 80's ballad filled the studio in surround sound. Winn's eyes widened as she smiled in surprise. He grinned back at her. "Sometimes, when I need a break, I like to listen to some things outside of my norm, per se. This track is the black sheep in my personal mix."
"I did a pole routine to this once. You'll never know how many ways I love this song."
Taylor bit his lip and he looked her up and down. "Judging by the way the music apparently moves you, with your hips doing what they're doing, I bet you're gonna show me. It's like--it's like this song came on and you just became a completely different person...and I like it."
Winn looked down at herself and abruptly stopped moving. "Um. I'm sorry, sometimes I just--I don't realize--"
"No," he said, standing up off the love seat. "Don't stop."
"I find I spend my time waiting on your call
How can I tell you, babe
My back's against the wall
I need you by my side to tell me it's all right
Cause I don't think I can take anymore."
Her mouth dropped open, desperately trying to form words, but she was miserably unsuccessful. He approached her and he placed his hands gently on her hips. "Tay--" she creaked out.
"It's okay," he said. "Just--just do that thing again. With your hips. It fascinates me. I just--I've never seen anyone move the way you do before. It's like your body has a mind of its own..."
"Tay, this is stupid," she whispered.
"It's not stupid, it's beautiful."
She could only look up at him.
He smiled at her, his blue eyes sparkling the same as they always did. "Here," he said, motioning to her beer in her hand. "Take another drink. Relax. Do I need to turn it up a little louder? I just want you to feel the song. I want to feel you feel this song."
He reached around her and pushed up one of the buttons on one of the boards and the song grew louder. As the bass entered her bones and the sultry beat surrounded her and seeped into her skin, she couldn't help herself. She slid an arm over Taylor's shoulder and she started to sway, feeling the music as he'd instructed.
He smiled at her, his hands hardly leaving her hips. She stepped closer to him as she danced, softly and slowly, dancing so close to him, she could feel his breath on her face. Chills ran down her spine and out through her toes. Goose bumps rose on her arms. She looked up at him and her heart skipped multiple beats.
"Is this love that I'm feeling?
Is this the love that I've been searching for?
Is this love or am I dreaming?
This must be love
Cause it's really got a hold on me
A hold on me"
Suddenly, she stopped and she pushed him away. "You need to back off of me," she breathed.
"Why?" He asked quietly.
"Because."
"Because why?"
"Just--bec--"
"Tell me WHY," he pressed.
Finally, she looked him in the eye. "Because--because do you have any idea how sexy I think you are?"
He looked at her in silence for a moment. "Seriously?"
She shook her head. "I'm sorry, I can't help it, I--I mean, I know we're friends, but--but I mean, come on, look at you. No woman in their right mind could be friends with you and not notice how painfully sexy you are. You can't help it, it just--it is what it is. You just--are."
He searched her eyes, his eyes darting. "You--you think I'm--?"
"If I'm being honest here--honestly--it's--there isn't a part of you anywhere that I don't find sexy." And then her hand started to wander along his neck and his face, treading dangerous ground that she chose to ignore. "Your neck...your jawline...your eyes, your hair...Tay, everything..."
"You didn't say anything about my lips," he said quietly.
"Tay--"
"I mean, while you're being honest, right?"
Her heart raced and her palms were sweaty. She looked at his lips and she bit her own. She was drunk and she knew it. Her inhibitions were on hiatus for the night. And here he stood before her, his gorgeous blue eyes boring holes into hers, his lips beckoning to her and she was finding it harder and harder to resist them...
She wrapped her arms around his neck, her hand still gripping her beer bottle, and she kissed his lips. God how she missed his lips. It had only really been a short time since the last time she'd kissed him but it felt like forever. It felt like so much time had passed that kissing him, even in her drunken stupor, felt like going home again.
He held her tightly as he passionately returned the kiss, a light grunt escaping his throat along with his breath. She melted into him, helplessly, and he backed them into the loveseat, letting himself fall into it. She straddled him with her knees and she took his face with her free hand and didn't dare take her mouth off of his.
"I can't stop the feeling
I've been this way before
But with you I've found the key
To open any door
I can feel my love for you
Growing stronger day by day
And I can't wait to see you again
So I can hold you in my arms"
Suddenly, she broke the kiss as Taylor's hands traveled dangerously high on her thighs. "Stop. Stop, we have to stop."
"Hey, you kissed me..."
"We're just--we're breaking all our rules."
He looked at her incredulously. "What rules?"
"We have tons of rules," she muttered.
"Name one."
"Remember what happened last time we drank together?"
He smiled, gently sweeping her hair away with both of his hands as he searched her face. "Oh, yeah," he remembered. "As I recall, it started a little bit like this. A little alcohol, a little music, your lips..."
She rested her forehead against his and closed her eyes. "You're my best friend. And I'm seeing your brother. We swore we'd never drink together again. I don't want to risk our friendship again."
"Except that you're here tonight. With me. Not with him."
"Tay," she scolded weakly. "That isn't you. You know better."
"You're sitting here in my lap with nearly two cases of Mmmhops consumed between us. We can't go anywhere. We might as well just be out of our minds and live for the moment, right?"
"Did you give me alcohol on purpose?"
"You surprised me here, remember? I already had a head start on you."
"We can't--we can't sleep together tonight, that would be--it would ruin everything."
"Then just kiss me."
"Tay, no..."
"Kiss me just for tonight."
"I'm scared. And I'm confused. And I'm drunk..."
"It's just me, Winnie. Don't you remember last time? When you kissed me? And everything was okay?"
She sat up and looked into his eyes. Her heart felt heavy all of a sudden and it pounded with exhilaration. THAT was not the alcohol. "Everything was okay?"
"Yes. And it still is. And it will be tomorrow, after we've sobered up."
"Do you promise? I need you, Tay, I can't lose you."
He smiled warmly and caressed her cheek with his thumb. "You couldn't lose me if you tried. You were stuck with me the first day we met." He paused and searched her face again. "Just kiss me tonight. Nothing more, nothing less. Please. I need you, too."
"Is this love that I'm feeling?
Is this the love that I've been searching for?
Is this love or am I dreaming?
This must be love
Cause it's really got a hold on me
A hold on me"
As their kissing grew more passionate, and she felt herself getting more daring, she stopped and tried to deflect the blame off of her. "You said just kissing," she said.
"That's all we're doing."
"You're starting to lose control..."
"I'm only kissing you, I promise."
"Amongst other things."
"You said no sex, we're not having sex."
"Tay, if you can't control yourself, then we have to stop."
He fell silent as his eyes dropped and then looked back up at her. "Then get your hands out of my shirt."
Her eyes widened and she snatched her hands back from underneath the cotton material. He looked at her, his expression mixed with both amusement and annoyance. "Not so easy, is it?"
She blinked at him, her eyes will wide. He wasn't the one losing control, she was. She was blaming him because...she couldn't admit it to herself?
He ran his hands up her arms and around her neck, letting his hands fall down her hair in the back. "It's okay if you want me, Winn."
Her mouth hung open and she looked at him, suddenly unable to breathe. "I--I don't know what I want anymore," she breathed in a whisper. "I just--I don't know anything anymore."
"Then it's okay if you want me just for tonight," he said quietly. "Just kiss me and don't think anymore tonight. Let your mind rest."
"If my mind rests--"
"Then I'll only kiss you. I promise."
"Is this love that I'm feeling?
Is this the love that I've been searching for?
Is this love or am I dreaming?
This must be love
Cause it's really got a hold on me..."
Thursday night, Isaac took Winn to dinner. He had shown up at her house with flowers and insisted that he take her somewhere nice. So she put on a dress, allowed him to wine and dine her and then he'd brought her home and kissed her goodnight. It was very much exactly like their first date. No funny business. Winn had a good time, but she was left very confused with the entire evening. He didn't try to sleep with her. He didn't even try to stay. Winn wasn't sure how she felt about that.
Friday, Winn didn't hear from Isaac at all. Not even before he went to the game. She walked out of work with no messages on her phone and she had to admit, that felt kind of lonely for a Friday night. She was starting to get used to having something to do. And now here it was Friday, where she could stay out late and had nowhere to be the next morning, and she had nobody to spend it with. She should just get a cat.
As she walked out of her office and said goodnight to the rest of her staff, she looked across the street and saw the glint of the streetlight bouncing off of what looked like a pickup in the alleyway by the studio. Hesitating to unlock her car, she looked around for her staff and, when she thought the coast was clear, she dashed across the street.
She pulled on the front door and found it locked, so she darted around to the heavy back door and, surprisingly, found it unlocked. Quietly, she locked it behind her and then she stood there, trying to get her bearings. She had no idea where she was.
It only took a moment for her to smell the beer and, instinctively, she followed her nose. She made her way down a small hallway and found the open door on the right where the scent of the beer grew stronger. Peeking around the corner, into the doorway, she spied a room with red carpet, a few instruments, and loads of electronic equipment. On the other side of the room was a large glass window that had the sound booth behind it and along the right wall of the room just outside the booth, sat a red loveseat where Taylor sat slouched, turning up a beer in the low, dim light of the room, several empty beer bottles surrounding him. "Tay?" She said quietly, trying not to startle him. "What are you doing?"
He looked over at her and he smiled. "Well. Fancy meeting you here." He looked her up and down. "Jeans, huh? For a finance company?"
She looked down at her jeans and her long gray sweater. "It's Casual Friday."
"How'd you get in?"
She walked in the room and answered, "Back door was unlocked. Don't worry, though, I locked it behind me."
"Good, good."
"Are you drunk?"
He held up his beer bottle and smiled. "I hope so."
"Are you okay?"
"Writer's block," he said, shaking his head and turning up his beer. "It's a bitch."
She walked further into the room and leaned against a table several feet away from him. "So...you think getting drunk is going to cure your writer's block?"
"Hey," he said. "A lot of bands out there have written a lot of cool shit while fucked up. I figure it could work for me, too, you know?"
"Apparently you don't work so well under pressure."
"Why does everything have to have an underlying meaning? Why can't I just--want to get drunk?"
"You can, I guess. Nothing wrong with that."
"You want a beer? You know, since you apparently drink it now."
"I tolerate it," she corrected. "And, no. No, thank you." The last time they drank together was still engrained in her memory, every single moment, as if it happened yesterday.
"Come on," Taylor taunted. "Don't make me do this alone. Don't just stand there and watch me get shitfaced. It's kinda rude."
Winn scoffed. "It is not rude..."
"It's rude," he said, offering her a fresh bottle. "It's not cold, but it all drinks the same. Come on."
"You're offering me a warm beer?"
"Like I said, it all drinks the same."
She looked at him and then she looked at the beer and then she thought about it. She thought about Isaac's phone call late Wednesday night and then their date last night and then the fact that he was out with Kelsey tonight and she hadn't heard from him all day. Yeah. She needed a beer, warm or not. "Okay, fine," she gave in, taking it from him.
"That's my girl," he smiled as he turned up his own.
Opening it and turning it up, it tasted horrible, but she was desperate to drink her thoughts away.
"So why are YOU drinking tonight?" Taylor asked.
Winn scoffed a laugh. "Because you made me."
Taylor smirked at her, a look that almost always made her heart flutter. "I didn't hold a gun to your head, you could have said no. But you didn't. So, why?"
"Why does everything have to have an underlying meaning?" She mocked him.
"WHY?" He pressed.
She looked at him and studied him for a moment. Her first instinct was to cover it up, but she just couldn't lie to him. Finally, she sighed and hung her head. "Ike's at a basketball game. Uh, with another woman."
"Goddammit, Winn," Taylor spat.
"It's not even like that, don't go jumping to conclusions. She's just a friend and he--he cleared it with me before he went. It's--it's okay."
Taylor scoffed and turned up his beer. "Cleared it with you? Wow."
She scowled at him. "I can't believe you're sitting there drinking beer in your studio."
"So are you. It's my studio. Don't change the subject."
"There's nothing more to say."
He narrowed his eyes at her for a moment, turning up his bottle. "Who is this 'friend?' Ike doesn't have female friends."
"He has me."
"Oh, so he's sleeping with this one, then. Okay, now it makes sense."
"Tay, stop being so mean. Maybe I shouldn't have come over here--"
Suddenly, he sat up from his position on the love seat. "Hey. Hey. Wait. Okay? I'm sorry. Sometimes when I drink, I get a little...honest. Just--just stay, I'll behave. I promise."
She stood there and studied him warily for a moment, finding herself unable to resist him. Did she--did she find him irresistible? Surely not in that sense...
"Her, uh, her name is Kelsey," she said quietly.
Taylor nearly spit out his beer. "You mean Kelsey Kennedy? Like in pizza Kelsey? Did he take you there?"
"Yeah, that's where I got all that beer stuff."
"Oh, man," he laughed as he sat back and made himself comfortable again. "You got nothing to worry about there. I assure you."
"Well, I didn't--I mean--"
"She won't stand for his shit. She knows what he's all about and she wants no part in it. I promise."
"Well it's not like I was worried..."
"Mmhmm," he nodded as he finished off his beer. Winn wasn't sure if he was purposely trying to put thoughts in her head or not, but she didn't like it. "Want another beer?" He asked her.
She scrunched her nose up and rubbed her stomach. "I don't know. That first warm beer wasn't so great, I'm not sure I can stomach another one."
"Ah, come on. Once you get drunk it doesn't even matter."
Winn laughed. "Yeah, but I actually have to enjoy getting there!"
Taylor stood up and slid a hand into hers. "Come on, we have a fridge full down the hall."
Winn wasn't close to being drunk. The one beer had warmed her limbs and her belly, but that was it. She was fully and completely aware of the jolt of electricity that ran through her body and shot straight to her heart at the touch of his palm against hers and her eyes widened as she glanced down at their hands.
Her heart raced and her breathing quickened and she looked up at Taylor, his bewildered expression matching hers. Quickly, he dropped her hand and she managed to sputter out, "I, uh, um, I, uh, I really want one of those cold beers."
"Right," he replied, his eyes darting around. "Uh, follow me."
Minutes later, they had hauled a couple of cases back into the studio and they sat across from each other, Taylor on the love seat, and Winn in one of the swivel chairs. "Wonder how the game's going," Winn said listlessly as she chugged nearly half of the beer she had just opened.
Taylor smirked. "All you gotta do is check your Twitter feed to find out. I think he uses it as his own personal score keeper or something."
"Oh yeah, good idea!" Winn said as she fished her phone out of her pocket.
She hadn't been on Twitter in forever. Instead of scrolling through her newsfeed, she just went straight to the band's page. The latest tweet she found sunk her heart a little bit.
As she took both hands to her phone, Taylor said, "Oh, shit, what are you screen capping?"
"Nothing."
Too late. Taylor was already fishing his phone out of his pocket.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Isaac had been having a good time. The game was good and he was really getting into it. However, Kelsey was beginning to be a distraction. There were times when he looked at her and wished she was Winn. And then there were times when he looked at her and was amused at how she was as into the game as he was. For the most part, Kelsey was fun. And he was beginning to realize how much he'd really missed his old friend. And his old self.
He had been tweeting game updates when Kelsey leaned over so he could hear her, "You know, your head has stayed in that phone for the majority of this game."
"It's about the game," he assured her. "I'm tweeting about it."
"Oh come off it," she said, jerking his phone out of his hand. "How are you watching if you're tweeting? You're missing all the good stuff!"
He watched her scroll through his tweets until her eyes widened and the blood drained from her face. She turned to look at him. "Is she mad?"
"What? Is who mad?"
"Winn."
"No, she's not mad. Why would you say that?"
And then she shoved his phone in his face and he saw the text message that had popped up while she'd been scrolling. It was a screen cap of the picture of he and Kelsey that he'd tweeted and she'd said, "Oh, there you are! Haven't heard from you all day. Cute picture, glad you're having fun!"
Isaac's jaw dropped, unable to find the words. Finally, he offered, "Well, she doesn't seem mad...she said it's a cute picture..."
"Ike, I'm a woman. I know mad when I see it. Have you seriously not talked to her all day?"
"Well--I mean, she's been working all day--"
"Ike..." Kelsey scolded.
"Shit."
"She does--I mean, she does understand we're just friends, right? I mean, that's it."
"Yeah. Yeah, she--well, I thought she did..." Then he sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Will you just--just excuse me for a moment?"
Isaac climbed out of the stands and quickly managed to duck into a box with an open door. Turning his back to the window, he called Winn. "Hey, what are you doing?" He asked when she answered.
"Um, shouldn't you be watching the game?"
"Well, I was and then I got your text. Winn, I thought you were okay with me coming tonight?"
"Of course I'm okay with it. And it doesn't matter anyway, it's not my place to--I mean, it doesn't matter if it's okay with me or not. It's not like that with us."
Isaac sighed and rubbed his forehead. He just didn't even know what to do anymore. Then he thought about something and his eyes widened and he looked up at the wall across from him. Did he--did he WANT her to tell him she didn't want him to go? Did he WANT her to tell him to stay? Because if she did, then that would imply that he was hers--right? Did he want to belong to her?
"Winn, I'll leave right now if you want me to."
"Don't be absurd. Stay there and enjoy your game. What's wrong with you?"
"Your text--"
"It's a cute picture, leave it at that."
"I don't want to leave it at that."
"Are you seriously trying to pick a fight with me while you're watching your game?"
"They're losing anyway. Listen, if I knew you were going to be upset--"
"I'm not upset! Why does everyone keep expecting me to be upset?"
Isaac was taken aback by her frustrated tone and then he narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "Everyone who?"
Winn hesitated. "I'm, uh, I'm having a beer with Tay."
"Really..." In that very instant, he wanted nothing more than to throw his phone across the box.
"Yeah," she said. "We worked things out. There was a--a misunderstanding, I guess you could say..."
"That's one hell of a misunderstanding," he retorted, his nostrils flaring.
"Well it's done and it's over with and we've decided to let bygones be bygones."
"I don't like it," he said suddenly, unable to stop the words from coming out of his mouth.
There was a pause on the other end. Finally, she said quietly, "It's not for you to like. He's my best friend." Then she grew quiet for another moment. "He was my best friend before you came along. Just like Kelsey was your friend before I came along. You don't have to like my friendship with Tay. And I don't have to be comfortable with your friendship with her. But we have to respect each other. And I didn't feel that today. And to be honest, things have been a little strange all week. I don't know what's going on. But for tonight, I'm going to have a beer or two with my friend and you're going to go finish your game with yours and maybe we'll reconvene tomorrow. We'll see. Okay?"
Isaac felt like his heart had just fallen straight from his chest. He knew his jaw had dropped because he felt it. "We'll see?" He breathed.
"Yeah. We'll see."
"Winn--Winn, stay with me tomorrow night. Just--just pack a bag and come to my place and stay with me. We can talk this out--"
Winn sighed. "I'm so tired of talking, Ike. I'm just--so tired..."
"Then we don't have to talk. We don't have to say anything. Just stay with me."
"We'll see." And then she ended the conversation.
Isaac was speechless. Suddenly, Taylor was back in the picture and he felt like he was losing Winn again. This couldn't be happening. Was this--was this it? Had he really blown it this time? Or were her eyes finally opening up?
Hurt gave way to anger and he became desperate for a distraction. Returning to his seat, he turned to Kelsey and said, "You wanna go to dinner after the game?"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Winn knew it was a cheap shot, using Taylor the way she had. However, she hadn't lied. But she did suspect that Taylor's presence might piss Isaac off and she'd been right. She had no other hand to play. He had hurt her feelings and all she wanted to do was return the favor. Unfortunately, she had succeeded, and now she felt bad for stooping so low.
Sighing, she walked back into the studio where Taylor sat, happily nursing his beer. She opened up her third one and stood there, leaning against a table, and turning it up.
Taylor smiled, his lids heavy with intoxication. "Having a lover's quarrel?"
"Shut up," she spat as she chugged the now barely-cold beer. Taylor was right. She was starting not to care about the temperature.
"You probably ought to take it easy on those," he warned her.
"It's only my third beer."
"Yeah, but the alcohol content is higher than a normal one."
"Well the alcohol content in wine is even higher than that and I don't have a problem with it. Two bottles of this stuff is, like--one glass of wine."
"That logic is ridiculous and inaccurate."
"How far along are you?"
"I just polished off a case," he said proudly.
"There aren't that many in a case."
"This is starting to sound like a challenge."
"Please, you've already won." Then a smile crept across her face. "Besides, I am kinda feeling it..."
He smiled back at her. "I've already got number four here with your name on it."
As it turned out, the more she drank, the thirstier she got. She looked around the room, feeling light-headed and slightly perturbed. "It's so quiet in here. Why is it so quiet in here?"
"I told you. Writer's block."
"Well you're not doing shit about it now, so why does it have to be so quiet?"
"How do you expect me to come up with brilliance with all this other music swimming around in my...in my ears and stuff?"
Winn burst out into random laughter. "Brilliance? Are you serious?"
"Hey. I can name off some bands right now. Pink Floyd, The Doors...fucking...fucking Jimi Hendrix--"
"Jimi Hendrix was a solo artist."
"He had The Experience. The Jimi Hendrix Experience. And you know they were ALL fucked up when their best shit hit them."
"Tay, are you even listening to yourself? This isn't even you--"
"I'm drunk, what do you expect?"
She looked around the room at the various equipment. "While we're here, why don't you show me what all this stuff does?"
"Uh, no. I know how drunk I am. There's no way I'm touching any of that stuff in the state I'm in."
She narrowed her eyes at him. "So--so let me set the scene here. You...you're working today. Writing, obviously. You get writer's block. And then so you're just like, 'Hey, I'll just drink a beer or two, it's the perfect cure for writer's block.' "
"Something like that, yeah."
"Bullshit. Why are YOU drinking? For real. Why are you just--just randomly sitting here in your studio, on your little couch, getting wasted?"
He looked at her for a moment. And then he smiled and raised an eyebrow. "Because I can."
"Ass."
"I've been told I have a nice ass."
"Not to your face," she muttered.
Taylor laughed, amused. "Do what?"
"Please, I know you lurk the social media. I know what they're all saying about you and I know you've seen it. But how many women ACTUALLY blurt out, 'Taylor, you have a nice ass!' "
"You'd be surprised."
"I'm sure..."
"So what do you want to hear?" He asked suddenly.
"Huh?"
"Well, you're standing there bitching about the silence in here, because obviously talking to me isn't good enough for you, and I'm asking you. What do you like? It occurs to me that the one thing we've never actually discussed is music."
"I like all kinds of stuff."
"Such a generic answer," he smiled, sitting back and slouching comfortably on the love seat. "Don't do that to me. I ask questions, I want answers. Real answers."
"I shouldn't let you drink anymore. You're being very ornery tonight."
He laughed at her, amused. "Ornery? Who even uses that word anymore?"
"I do. And I'm ready for number four now."
Taylor grinned. "Nice." He picked up a beer, opened it, and handed it to her. "Okay. So get on your phone, find...whatever the hell you have in there. Turn on the first song that comes up in the shuffle."
The corners of her mouth turned up as she turned up her fresh beer. "What if it's one of your songs?"
He furrowed his brow and he grinned. "Are you TRYING to turn me on?"
She looked at him for a moment, painfully aware of the turn that the conversation may or may not be taking. Luckily, she was too drunk by now to have the capability to focus on it. So she smiled. "You get turned on by your own music?"
"I get turned on by the fact that you're still listening to it."
"Why would I stop listening to it?"
He shrugged. "I dunno."
"Anyway, I have my favorites..."
"Okay, seriously," he said. "Musical Russian roulette. And...go."
Winn pulled her phone out of her pocket and turned up her beer as she clicked around on it. Suddenly, she smiled into her phone and she sucked in a breath and closed her eyes as the song began to play. "Mmm..."
"Should have known better
Than to let you go alone
It's times like these I can't make it on my own
Wasted days and sleepless nights
And I can't wait to see you again"
Her head fell back and she smiled as one of her favorite songs that she hadn't heard in awhile filled her ears.
"Interesting reaction," Taylor said.
Her head dropped and she smiled at him. "Certain songs just...they do things to me..."
"Turn it off," he said suddenly.
"What?"
Then he smiled. "Just turn it off. Trust me."
She reluctantly obeyed and he reached over and took the remote from the arm of the love seat and, after a few clicks, the 80's ballad filled the studio in surround sound. Winn's eyes widened as she smiled in surprise. He grinned back at her. "Sometimes, when I need a break, I like to listen to some things outside of my norm, per se. This track is the black sheep in my personal mix."
"I did a pole routine to this once. You'll never know how many ways I love this song."
Taylor bit his lip and he looked her up and down. "Judging by the way the music apparently moves you, with your hips doing what they're doing, I bet you're gonna show me. It's like--it's like this song came on and you just became a completely different person...and I like it."
Winn looked down at herself and abruptly stopped moving. "Um. I'm sorry, sometimes I just--I don't realize--"
"No," he said, standing up off the love seat. "Don't stop."
"I find I spend my time waiting on your call
How can I tell you, babe
My back's against the wall
I need you by my side to tell me it's all right
Cause I don't think I can take anymore."
Her mouth dropped open, desperately trying to form words, but she was miserably unsuccessful. He approached her and he placed his hands gently on her hips. "Tay--" she creaked out.
"It's okay," he said. "Just--just do that thing again. With your hips. It fascinates me. I just--I've never seen anyone move the way you do before. It's like your body has a mind of its own..."
"Tay, this is stupid," she whispered.
"It's not stupid, it's beautiful."
She could only look up at him.
He smiled at her, his blue eyes sparkling the same as they always did. "Here," he said, motioning to her beer in her hand. "Take another drink. Relax. Do I need to turn it up a little louder? I just want you to feel the song. I want to feel you feel this song."
He reached around her and pushed up one of the buttons on one of the boards and the song grew louder. As the bass entered her bones and the sultry beat surrounded her and seeped into her skin, she couldn't help herself. She slid an arm over Taylor's shoulder and she started to sway, feeling the music as he'd instructed.
He smiled at her, his hands hardly leaving her hips. She stepped closer to him as she danced, softly and slowly, dancing so close to him, she could feel his breath on her face. Chills ran down her spine and out through her toes. Goose bumps rose on her arms. She looked up at him and her heart skipped multiple beats.
"Is this love that I'm feeling?
Is this the love that I've been searching for?
Is this love or am I dreaming?
This must be love
Cause it's really got a hold on me
A hold on me"
Suddenly, she stopped and she pushed him away. "You need to back off of me," she breathed.
"Why?" He asked quietly.
"Because."
"Because why?"
"Just--bec--"
"Tell me WHY," he pressed.
Finally, she looked him in the eye. "Because--because do you have any idea how sexy I think you are?"
He looked at her in silence for a moment. "Seriously?"
She shook her head. "I'm sorry, I can't help it, I--I mean, I know we're friends, but--but I mean, come on, look at you. No woman in their right mind could be friends with you and not notice how painfully sexy you are. You can't help it, it just--it is what it is. You just--are."
He searched her eyes, his eyes darting. "You--you think I'm--?"
"If I'm being honest here--honestly--it's--there isn't a part of you anywhere that I don't find sexy." And then her hand started to wander along his neck and his face, treading dangerous ground that she chose to ignore. "Your neck...your jawline...your eyes, your hair...Tay, everything..."
"You didn't say anything about my lips," he said quietly.
"Tay--"
"I mean, while you're being honest, right?"
Her heart raced and her palms were sweaty. She looked at his lips and she bit her own. She was drunk and she knew it. Her inhibitions were on hiatus for the night. And here he stood before her, his gorgeous blue eyes boring holes into hers, his lips beckoning to her and she was finding it harder and harder to resist them...
She wrapped her arms around his neck, her hand still gripping her beer bottle, and she kissed his lips. God how she missed his lips. It had only really been a short time since the last time she'd kissed him but it felt like forever. It felt like so much time had passed that kissing him, even in her drunken stupor, felt like going home again.
He held her tightly as he passionately returned the kiss, a light grunt escaping his throat along with his breath. She melted into him, helplessly, and he backed them into the loveseat, letting himself fall into it. She straddled him with her knees and she took his face with her free hand and didn't dare take her mouth off of his.
"I can't stop the feeling
I've been this way before
But with you I've found the key
To open any door
I can feel my love for you
Growing stronger day by day
And I can't wait to see you again
So I can hold you in my arms"
Suddenly, she broke the kiss as Taylor's hands traveled dangerously high on her thighs. "Stop. Stop, we have to stop."
"Hey, you kissed me..."
"We're just--we're breaking all our rules."
He looked at her incredulously. "What rules?"
"We have tons of rules," she muttered.
"Name one."
"Remember what happened last time we drank together?"
He smiled, gently sweeping her hair away with both of his hands as he searched her face. "Oh, yeah," he remembered. "As I recall, it started a little bit like this. A little alcohol, a little music, your lips..."
She rested her forehead against his and closed her eyes. "You're my best friend. And I'm seeing your brother. We swore we'd never drink together again. I don't want to risk our friendship again."
"Except that you're here tonight. With me. Not with him."
"Tay," she scolded weakly. "That isn't you. You know better."
"You're sitting here in my lap with nearly two cases of Mmmhops consumed between us. We can't go anywhere. We might as well just be out of our minds and live for the moment, right?"
"Did you give me alcohol on purpose?"
"You surprised me here, remember? I already had a head start on you."
"We can't--we can't sleep together tonight, that would be--it would ruin everything."
"Then just kiss me."
"Tay, no..."
"Kiss me just for tonight."
"I'm scared. And I'm confused. And I'm drunk..."
"It's just me, Winnie. Don't you remember last time? When you kissed me? And everything was okay?"
She sat up and looked into his eyes. Her heart felt heavy all of a sudden and it pounded with exhilaration. THAT was not the alcohol. "Everything was okay?"
"Yes. And it still is. And it will be tomorrow, after we've sobered up."
"Do you promise? I need you, Tay, I can't lose you."
He smiled warmly and caressed her cheek with his thumb. "You couldn't lose me if you tried. You were stuck with me the first day we met." He paused and searched her face again. "Just kiss me tonight. Nothing more, nothing less. Please. I need you, too."
"Is this love that I'm feeling?
Is this the love that I've been searching for?
Is this love or am I dreaming?
This must be love
Cause it's really got a hold on me
A hold on me"
As their kissing grew more passionate, and she felt herself getting more daring, she stopped and tried to deflect the blame off of her. "You said just kissing," she said.
"That's all we're doing."
"You're starting to lose control..."
"I'm only kissing you, I promise."
"Amongst other things."
"You said no sex, we're not having sex."
"Tay, if you can't control yourself, then we have to stop."
He fell silent as his eyes dropped and then looked back up at her. "Then get your hands out of my shirt."
Her eyes widened and she snatched her hands back from underneath the cotton material. He looked at her, his expression mixed with both amusement and annoyance. "Not so easy, is it?"
She blinked at him, her eyes will wide. He wasn't the one losing control, she was. She was blaming him because...she couldn't admit it to herself?
He ran his hands up her arms and around her neck, letting his hands fall down her hair in the back. "It's okay if you want me, Winn."
Her mouth hung open and she looked at him, suddenly unable to breathe. "I--I don't know what I want anymore," she breathed in a whisper. "I just--I don't know anything anymore."
"Then it's okay if you want me just for tonight," he said quietly. "Just kiss me and don't think anymore tonight. Let your mind rest."
"If my mind rests--"
"Then I'll only kiss you. I promise."
"Is this love that I'm feeling?
Is this the love that I've been searching for?
Is this love or am I dreaming?
This must be love
Cause it's really got a hold on me..."